Prompted by SLVA's thread...
Describe your perfect other half.

Mine is apparently the Fonz after he hasn't shaved for a week, only without the bees.

Or, suggest inventive things for me to do with my endless free time, bearing in mind I can't drive, have little money and all my friends (and the boy) live at least twenty minutes away by car.

EDIT: Thanks to suggestions, later on tonight I will be off to find a tree to climb, then tomorrow will be spent lightening my hair with lemon juice, followed by the building of a blanket fort, complete with pillow missiles.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:44, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Learn to drive.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:46, Reply)

I repeat:
Have little money.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Moped then.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Try this then:
www.robmanuel.com/2009/07/12/ive-been-scammed-in-the-street-but-ive-got-her-photo/
( Cawl, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:47, Reply)

She can't drive you tard,
It wouldn't work on a push bike.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:53, Reply)

I've run out of fuel.
Can you spare three quid for a happy meal?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Your description of your perfect other half
was actually quite close to me.

Your free time can be used to draw pictures, train an insect army etc.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Oh and computer games are excellent time wasters,
and I have no idea what my perfect partner would be like.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:01, Reply)

manly?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:03, Reply)

I'm sporting three days of stubble,

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:04, Reply)

you're never going to get a man like that
shave those legs and pits
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:05, Reply)

oh yes, I'm a girl, I should write that down.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:06, Reply)

do keep up

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:09, Reply)

learn to run really really fucking fast
thus removing the need for a car

my perfect other half: pretty, curvy, dark hair, surfs, likes pink floyd, smokes pot, nice arse, nice tits, good sense of humour, doesn't go crazy with make-up, puts up with me being weird, has good dress sense, tall, not an idiot.

fortunately, my other half is all of these things. I'm very lucky.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Smug it up,

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:58, Reply)

He is monstrously smug.
We all know that by now.
( thealternativefact, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:59, Reply)

indeed I am
I figure I have the right though. Example of how great my other half is: first time she met all my friends was at a fancy dress party. She had happily gone along with my suggestion of dressing up as Dangermouse.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Perfect other half: me with a cock.
Inventive suggestions: learn to drive. Damn, bindun. Learn to cycle faster.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:57, Reply)

CrackHouse with a cock.
Get a job?
( thealternativefact, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Does it matter if the cock is removable?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Please, not again!
It'll be weeks before I can sit down again.
( Captain V, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Also, clendrix,
does it matter if the cock is pre-used?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Nope. I'm dirty.

( thealternativefact, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:02, Reply)

IT'S NOT YOUR TURN

( thealternativefact, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Thank christ for that!

( Captain V, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:04, Reply)

Man the fuck up?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Perfect other half?
Funny, intelligent, likes films & music, does pub quizzes, can cook, doesn't whinge at me for drinking too much when she can't stand up straight, confident. Ooh, also, she can't support Man Utd.

So basically, the complete opposite of my last girlfriend.

As for suggestions, get yourself into the student mindset. Buy some Tesco/Sainsburys/ASDA/etc own brand vodka, some cheap mixers, and get muntered.

Alternatively, learn a new skill. I was bored one week, and taught myself a lot of HTML. I then didn't use that skill for 2 years, and forgot it all. Arse.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Well, I do keep meaning to learn Finnish....

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Perfect, you say?
Funny, kinky, a love of obscure memes, moderatly insane, intelligent, able to quote Python at the drop of a cat...

... and I think I've found her.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Nah, ym's not on B3ta.
OMG LOLZ!
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:30, Reply)

I find that a pulse is generally favourable.

(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:25, Reply)

in your case it's a "re-pulse"
lololoollloolhahahahah
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:27, Reply)

pulses are overrated.
Rigor mortis will suffice.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:27, Reply)

*gets rigor mortis*
*localised rigor mortis, that is*
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Oooh
look at you with your rise in standards.
Feeling good today, or something?
( thealternativefact, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Well, sometimes I like a bit of posh, you know?

(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:28, Reply)

As for what you should do...
depends on where you live. I'm guessing it's not a city/town, else stuff would be nearby. So I'm thinking countryside.

Make crop circles.
Stalk ducks.
Catch a pheasant.
Climb a tree.
Make a den.
Make a house out of hay bales and throw straw grenades at unsuspecting passers by (if you don't know what a straw grenade is then you probably haven't lived).
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Yes! I haven't climbed a tree in years!
I shall go for a walk later and look for one.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:36, Reply)

Perfect other half
Makes me laugh. That's it! I don't mind what he / it looks like. Cannot under any circumstances have dubious personal hygiene though.

Stuff to do for cheap? Have a natural pampering session - bath with sea salts, yoghurt / honey face mask, cucumbers on the eyes, lemon juice highlights in your hair, et voilá! You get to pass away the time, eat half of the stuff while you're doing it and look scrummy afterwards! Oh, and do a strawberry body scrub with oatmeal. Am going to do all of this NOW. I'm hungry.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:31, Reply)

This sounds good too.
I'll try some of these tomorrow. The highlights and the face mask especially.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:35, Reply)

Trust me
It really works! Sit outside in the sun for a bit for the lemon juice to properly work and cover your hair in olive / solid coconut oil afterwards to bring back shine.

Apeface Cherub is a naturalist and makes everything instead of buying *smugs*
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:38, Reply)

I have blonde hair already, but it is turning a bit darker.
If I do this, its not going to turn my hair green or worse - ginger or anything is it?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:43, Reply)

It may do,
lemon juice is chemically very similar to bleach.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:48, Reply)

Then perhaps I wil wait til after wednesday then.
Or until I go to Greece, its gets naturally lighter in the sun anyway.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:49, Reply)

I was being sarcastic,
don't be thick.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:49, Reply)

I'm very gullible. I can't help it.
Anyway, sarcasm doesn't translate to internets
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:53, Reply)

You don't drink a vodka lime and bleach do you?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:54, Reply)

It doesn't mine...
Here - check Google. There's lots of pages on it. Sometimes they tell you to leave it in for days but that's just silly. A few hours exposure to sun will lighten up your hair (if you're blonde, even better). And it can't do more harm than the crap that they sell you in beauty salons and boxes, can it? It's peroxide that turns your hair greenish.

EDIT: Important - if you already have chemically treated hair though your chances for orange / green disasters are much higher. Just a word of warning!

www.google.es/search?hl=es&q=lemon+juice+highlights&btnG=Buscar+con+Google&meta=&aq=f&oq=
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:49, Reply)

Nope, never dyed it before.
Natural blonde. I just want to lighten it slightly without dying it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:54, Reply)

I've got another proper answer for perfect partner;
someone who makes me better when I'm with them than when I'm alone.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:33, Reply)

This
Any partnership should be better together than alone. Otherwise it's just not worth it.

Look at Richard and Judy? Where would be all going around stealing wine? It wouldn't have happened if Judy was there I betcha.*

*May be a crap example brought on by heat (39 degrees here fellows)
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Fucking hell,
Where are you?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Southern Spain
We're having a hell on earth July so far....
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:39, Reply)

Wow.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:43, Reply)

Yeah that's a pretty unintelligable example.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:39, Reply)

Mea culpa
It was the first thing that popped into my head. Work of the devil, obviously
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:44, Reply)

I'm not angry,
I'm just dissapointed.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:44, Reply)