to the tune of the theme from He-Man
I have the power to pick up a flower,
and shove it right up She-Ra's arse.


What childish songs do you remember from the school playground?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:58, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Get down on it.... Suck my helmet....
...please don't bite it... 'cos I don't like it...

Cool and the Gang?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:59, Reply)

When Paul Hemming pissed himself in class...
...we all sang "Soggy Trousers" to the famous Madness melody.

Sorry Paul, but you did grow up to be a twat.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:02, Reply)

"Caravan of Love" - Housemartins
There was a pikey kid at our school, and people used to sing at him:

"Dennis Barratt and his mam,
have got a caravan down track"

He couldn't argue because it was true, he lived in a caravan down an old disused railway track.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:06, Reply)

Could you be aaaaaarsed
and be arsed?

By Bob Marley.
A response to homework.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:02, Reply)

What do you do if you need a poo
in an English Country Garden

pull down your pants and suffocate the ants
In an English Country Garden
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:03, Reply)

Daisy Daisy
the cops after you,
if they catch you they'll flush you down the loo,
they'll tie you up with wire,
and set your pants on fire,
so ring your bell and pedal like hell,
on a bicycle made of poo.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Daisy, Daisy
Give me your answer do,
I'm half crazy, my balls are turning blue.
I can't afford a johnny,
a plastic bag will do,
but you'll look good,
under a sheet,
with me on top of you!
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:17, Reply)

What he said.
But, rather than give me your answer do, at my school, that was replaced with the genius line.

'Give me your tit to chew'

That is all.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:37, Reply)

I seem to remember one about Postman Pat
which went something like:

Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat ran over his cat. Blood and guts went flying, Postman Pat was crying, Pat thinks he's a very unlucky man.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:05, Reply)

I'm a cunt, I'm a cunt, I'm a country faaarmer
I've got hairs on me knob, on me knob, on me knobbly kneees
Gorra spot on me dick, on me dick, on me dickie-boooow
Wanna shag, wanna shag, wanna shag, wanna shaggy dog.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:07, Reply)

LEts seeee,
I should be so lucky
Going out with Scotty
Strange Mrs Mangle Too
Daphney had a baby
Called it little Jamie
Bouncer is a father too.

We sang the first one As

I have the power
to pick up a flower
to fall off a tower
and die

Hmmm more songs *thinks*
( Peej, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:07, Reply)

Ahhh
That's scary, I remember those too!

Its worrying the crap that I store in my brain.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:14, Reply)

fuck you
fuck you
for curiousity
asshole asshole
a soldier i will be
to piss to piss
two pistols by my knee
all for the queens cunt
all for the queens cunt
all for the queens country
( Peej, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:08, Reply)

down in the meddow where the green grass grows
there sits "sarah" taking off her clothes

along comes "billy" with a clippity clop
of with his clothes and out with his............electric train set.
( Peej, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:10, Reply)

Also
When we were tiny small and forced to sing Kumbaya in school assemblies me and a few other kids used to put on west country accents and sing 'Combine-Arrrrr' rather than Kumbaya and pretend we were farmers singing about a combine harvester... we thought we were soooo clever! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:12, Reply)

But that
IS clever!
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:52, Reply)

oh, and
On the village green,
the village idiot sat
amusing himself by abusing himself
and catching it in his hat.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:13, Reply)

JESUS CHRIST!
SUU-PERSTAR!
Came down to Earth on a Yamaha!
Done a skid!
Killed a kid!
Mashed his balls on a dustbin lid!

Atheism was a shoe-in, really.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:24, Reply)

ha! i remember that
although bizarrely enough there was an alternative version where jesus 'sliced his balls on a coco pop' round my way...
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:31, Reply)

I knew the last line as
was but in jail for what he did
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:08, Reply)

The Addams Family started
when Uncle Fester farted
He farted through the keyhole
and paralysed the cat...
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:36, Reply)

To the tune of Uptown Girl
Uptown Wally,
She's been living in a shopping trolley,
She went out with an Action Man
Got caught shagging in the A-Team Van
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:37, Reply)

We all live in a yellow submarine
a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine.
We didn't like the colour so we painted it green,
painted it green, painted it green.
It looked like a bogey so we painted it red,
painted it red, painted it red.
We drilled a hole in the door, now we're all dead.

Lovely.
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:39, Reply)

Glory Glory Hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I hit the teacher back
With a great big cricket bat
and I never went there again!
( Peej, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:41, Reply)

We play cup we play cup
we don't care if the school blows up
no more english no more french
no more sitting on the old school bench

Teacher Teach we declare
We can see your underwear.
is it black or is it white
Oh my God its dynamite!
5 4 3 2 1!!!
( Peej, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:42, Reply)

*nostalgias*
We used to spend entire lunchtimes doing that one. Sore hands afterwards...
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:44, Reply)

Slightly different round 'my way'
Opening line was 'We break up' - with the song usually reserved for the last day of term.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Ours was
I hit her in the eye with a piece of apple pie
and I never went to school again.
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Recentley taught my nephew.
We're off
We're off
We're off in a motorcar
60 cops are after us
And we don't know where we are

We fell
We fell
We fell down a dirty well
60 cops are after us
And they fell in as well
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:47, Reply)

Went out after work on Friday night
and ended up doing this one with my colleague's daughter:

I went to the Chinese restaurant to buy a loaf of bread bread bread
He wrapped it up in a five pound note and this is what he said said said:
"My name is Elvis Presley
girls are sexy
sitting in the back street drinking Pepsi
bathing the baby, in the Royal Navy
do me a favour - push off!"

It made no sense when I was seven, I'm now 23 and it makes even less sense.
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:51, Reply)

one girl sang
I went to the Chinese restaurant to buy a loaf of bread bread bread
He wrapped it up in a five pound note and this is what he said said said:
My name is Em Eye Em Eye, Chicken Si ChickenSi
Ping Pong Poley
Indian say
"HOW!
( Peej, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:53, Reply)

See, that makes far more sense!

( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:01, Reply)

.
We were going down the motorway one-hundred-and-four,
Daddy did a big one and blew off the door.
The engine couldn't stand it, the wheels fell apart.
All because of Daddy's supersonic fart!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:25, Reply)

Just remembered these two.
A bloke called Billy,
Had a 10 foot willy,
He showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake,
And cut it with a rake,
And now it’s only 5’ 4.
------------------------------------------
Ching-Chong-Chinaman went to milk a cow,
Ching-Chong-Chinaman didn’t know how.
Ching-Chong-Chinaman pulls the wrong tit,
Ching-Chong-Chinaman covered in shit
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:44, Reply)