I'M GONNA FUCK YOU...softly
I'M GONNA SCREW YOU gently
I'M GONNA HUMP YOU sweetly
I'M GONNA BALL YOU DISCREEEEEETLY
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:47, 77 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

And then ya say Hey I bought you flowers
and then I say wait a minute sally
I think I got something in my teeth
Can ya get it out for me?
THAT'S FUCKIN' TEAMWORK!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:49, Reply)

What's your favourite position?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:49, Reply)

That's cool with me, it's not my favourite but I'll do it for you

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)

What's your favourite dish?
I'm not gonna cook it but I'll order it from ZANZIBARR!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)

And then I'm gonna love you completely And then I'll fucking fuck you discreetly

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:53, Reply)

And then I'll fucking bone you completely

( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:57, Reply)

And then I'm gonna bone you completely

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:57, Reply)

But then...

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:57, Reply)

I'm gonna fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:00, Reply)

*wipes forehead*
Blimey!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:00, Reply)

All we need now is a dodgy rape fantasy
and we'll be a proper internet couple!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:01, Reply)

Erm...I'll pass.
But maybe my meat puppet would like to play with yours?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:02, Reply)

HAHA
Maybe... Maybe. :D

I *was* only kidding, by the way...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:03, Reply)

Oh I'm sure, I'm sure my dear ,)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:07, Reply)

What is the fucking deal with Megan fox and the London paper?
Every day this week she's featured in there as the latest LA hottie and I'm really not seeing it. She's pretty, sure. But not the fucking orgasmatron they make her out to be.

Give me Drew Barrymore anyday over her wooden acting chops.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:01, Reply)

I hate to say it...
But I am a big fan of the Fox. She's a nut, but she is gawjuss. Barrymore just doesn't do it for me. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:04, Reply)

Oh she's so not. She's fucking plain compared with many
I'd never go lezzer for her. *Destroys dreams*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:06, Reply)

Although, between her and the Dunst,
Dunst would win every time, hands down. I likes my ladies a little bit kooky.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:08, Reply)

The Dunst has odd teeth and a REEEEEEALLY annoying voice though
I guess you could gag her though, so you wouldn't have to see them or hear her. Win win.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:09, Reply)

That's my future wife you're talking abut there.
Well, after Flim chucks me for al, that is. And after my brief dalliance with Charlize Theron.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:10, Reply)

Pfft, she's had half of Hollywood already, so why not?
The Theron I would except for in Monster. All feeling died after watching that.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:12, Reply)

I've never seen Monster.
It's a film that I'd like to see though.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:14, Reply)

If you like the Theron then I urge you not to
You wont wank for a week without seeing her wrong face.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:21, Reply)

I'm glad DiT has accepted that his Mrs will run off with me
the moment she actually gets to experience my gruff northern charm in teh flesh.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:14, Reply)

She's only human, buddy.
It's all I can do to not fall for you myself.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:15, Reply)

That would break Bert's shrivelled little heart if that happened

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:16, Reply)

Hey!
He left me, I don't care about him any more.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:17, Reply)

Yeah, girlfriend, you kick that bitch to the kerb!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:19, Reply)

He left all of us.
May he burn like the little leaving us cunt that he is.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:20, Reply)

It's understandable
but I have to warn you, once me and Kaol are facebook friends we're gonna be all over each other like cheap suits. So you'll have to wait for a while.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:17, Reply)

Oh christ, I'm FB friends with all of you
I would be like the MEAT in your puppet sandwich
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:18, Reply)

You'd start off as meat
but you'd end up as paté
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:20, Reply)

Mmm...pate

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:21, Reply)

Who's had half of Hollywood?
Flim? Blimey.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:14, Reply)

Hey, don't feel bad
she had all that, and she chose you in the end. So that's good right?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:16, Reply)

Yeah buddy, don't feel bad about being the consolation prize
we've all been there.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:17, Reply)

What, with DiT's mrs?
Yeah, we've all been there.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:18, Reply)

And would again
so would. She's a total hottie.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:18, Reply)

She so is.
She's outta my league, that's for sure.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:20, Reply)

We all think this
I especially like her bee outfit.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:21, Reply)

PERVERT! PERVERT!
ONLINE!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:22, Reply)

I wouldn't go that far
til she screams AL on the wedding day and they drive off together in a Saxo
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:22, Reply)

I've cleaned the back seat and everything

(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:25, Reply)

Good to go
Now get wooing and don't tell the missus.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:25, Reply)

:(
And all that effort of writing the speech for nothing.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:26, Reply)

sadfaces

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:26, Reply)

It's OK
She says she's not going to leave me.

Unless it's a cunning rouse.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:28, Reply)

Tell her I'm impressed that she managed to fool you that easily
without even having to flash her boobs at you.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:29, Reply)

O GOD!
She flashed her boobs at me! I'm doomed!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:33, Reply)

Can you try and remember the speech
and post the best bits online afterwards so we can all have little internet cries.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:29, Reply)

I could do that.
UPDATE: Flim says that she actually would leave me for you, but you would have to be driving a Bugatti Veron.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:30, Reply)

I wonder what she'd leave you for me for
ponders tasty food from M&S as cunning ruse
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:32, Reply)

She says that Flake Ice Cream would do it.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:34, Reply)

sweeeeeeeeeet
hot foots it to Iceland and gets cab to Flimland
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:35, Reply)

*resigns self to a lonley life in Leytonstone*
Night all!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:36, Reply)

Best place for your sort ,)
Night cunts, mwah
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:37, Reply)

Dunst right,
Dunst would fucking get it, she would, she'd fucking get it hard and she'd fucking love it, right? Now Fox, would probably get it, right, but I'd not really be putting my all into it right, 'cause I'd be finkin of Dunst yeah?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:10, Reply)

Totally, yeah.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:11, Reply)

I mean, all of these hot, successful, internationally recognisable women would be all over us, right?
And of course us, as blokes off the internet, would be batting them off with a stick right?

Totally.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:13, Reply)

Too fuckin' right we would
I'd have to buy an extra stick, in case I broke the first one trying to dissuade that Nicole whatserface from the pussycat dolls from trying to suck me off every chance she gets.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:15, Reply)

I'm surrounded by Page Three STUNNAS right at this very moment.
It's an astonishingly tough existence.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:18, Reply)

Are they in your ferarri while Mr T sucks you off?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:20, Reply)

I killed Mr T because he doesn't understand cricket.
I punched him hard in the face. George Peppard is my new best friend now. And he had BETTER NOT BE A DICK.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:21, Reply)

George Peppard would make an excellent best friend
good choice.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:22, Reply)

I think he would smell a bit
and bits would keep falling off him
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:24, Reply)

picky fucker

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:26, Reply)

He'd get on well with ym then.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:29, Reply)

I wouldn't let a girl in my ferrari
they'd keep adjusting the rear view mirror to do their lipstick and I wouldn't be able to see the look of disgust and envy on the faces of the people I cut up.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:22, Reply)

Be impressed, I do my mascara with my mouth closed
Not many people can. It's a skill I've honed.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:23, Reply)

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Ouch that hurts
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:19, Reply)

She's got a stupid poem
tattooed on her ribs
(Bazongaloid, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:05, Reply)

That's cos she's stupid innit

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:06, Reply)

I wish you would

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:39, Reply)

You can't always get what you want...
but if you try sometimes...you might find...YOU GET WHAT YOU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:40, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDP5xrlCsAo&feature=related
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 23:47, Reply)