Lesbianism! A brilliant concept or a waste of a good woman?
Here you go Bert. This thread will bring everyone out of the woodwork.


Pfft! Well it worked like a dream last time.


Yay for lesbianism - I'm a thread starter......twisted thread starter.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:41, 131 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lesbianism?
Never tried it but I've heard it's known as Vanilla Sex.


No thanks, I'll stick to the hairy hard ones. ;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Well done BGB. Everyone's favourite topic.
Too much effort.
I'm lazy and impatient.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:52, Reply)

Lesbianism......tell you what....I know plenty of lesbians, have been with a few gals but it's never quite like it is in the pornos
To each their own, etc
I prefer men
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:53, Reply)

No sex is ever quite like it is in pornos.

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:54, Reply)

It is in my house
Well, the soft furnishings and wallpaper are the same.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Do you have the lovely music too?

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Of course!
And we all wear lovely large moustaches too.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:41, Reply)

I guess that we as a group are all
quite eclectic and very well educated and experienced in the ways of the world as we can not only discourse on politics, higher education, social issues, and various alcoholic beverages, we understand the vagaries and intricacies of the rules of porno!

Either that or we are a bunch of ……..
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 17:22, Reply)

That's only me who is all of those things
the others are just dullards.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 18:21, Reply)

three hours of grunting and thrusting?
I've had that once...never again.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Haha!
Me too. He was on drugs and I was drunk.


If I'd started doing some knitting he wouldn't have noticed.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:09, Reply)

while I realise this may be a question with no real answer, or the answer may be "long enough or short enough"
out of curiosity, how long, and how short are too long and short respectively?

pre-emptive defence: I've not had any complaints, except when drunk when it takes too long.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:12, Reply)

I think if you mix it up a bit and keep it interesting then as long as you can keep going.
That one time I was too pissed to move and he was thrusting like a jack-hammer due to excessive speed intake.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Okay, I've tried answering this several ways and I can't settle on a concrete answer.
It depends on the parter, if they're energetic and enthusiastic and we're both really into it but it ends within ten minutes I wouldn't mind.
Too long would be determined by when my body starts objecting to certain positions.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Thank god
I couldn't stand the weird 70's music, crappy furniture, and silicone injected massive breasts. Plus, even though there is a lot of moaning, the "actors" never look like they are really having any fun.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:21, Reply)

this is too true
the teeth-sucking noises and ridiculous talking would be really off putting too.

can't stand american porn.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:22, Reply)

"You like that, bitch? *growl*"
"Yea, you like it, dontcha? bitch *growl*"

oh memories
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:25, Reply)

You mean women don't really like that?
That would explain a few things.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:27, Reply)

I liked it as much as he liked me laughing at him after he said it.

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:29, Reply)

awesome
did that herald the end of proceedings?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:30, Reply)

yeah.......two hours, fifty five minutes later
he didn't blow his load until I said 'fuck me daddy, yea fuck me harder, oh yea' then boosh
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:32, Reply)

but did you say it with meaning?

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:34, Reply)

I can imitate the voice of a certain porn star

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Jenna?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:41, Reply)

being laughed at would probably do me in,
but then thre are people who like being abused or so I've been told.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:34, Reply)

I'd feel like such a fool saying stuff like that
it's hard to keep a straight face when telling someone to suck your balls
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Yeah but it would be funny if you did.
Try it once and see what happens.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:30, Reply)

the suck my balls things was from experience
I was serious, that was what I wanted at the time. but neither of us managed to keep a straight face.

constantly going "you like that dontcha?" and sucking air through my teeth is just something I could never bring myself to do.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:34, Reply)

I have a fair few lesbian friends
Some are drop-dead gorgeous with the hint of a tomboy about them, the others are more your maiden aunt type.

All, strangely enough, just women.


And no, they don't want men to come and join in.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:55, Reply)

the rubbish type of lesbians then...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Well only to hold our coats : )

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:57, Reply)

my lesbian friends are all very attractive and sweet and fun
it's very alluring until you penetrate the circle and you realise just how catty and dramatic they can be

'they' being my lesbian friends, not all lesbians
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

"penetrate the circle"

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

*gives the two finger salute*

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:06, Reply)

*pictures the bit in Chasing Amy when annoying blonde bint stuffs her hand through a circle of her fingers and then waves*
*faints*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:10, Reply)

BOOOM
Threadshot.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Is a threadshot the same as a cumshot?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:15, Reply)

eight roper
*skeet skeet*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:28, Reply)

You can tell you're a writer Kristine
You painted such a vivid picture that there can now be no doubt as to what a threadshot is.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:30, Reply)

what picture is that?
your opaque seed shooting and dripping through your fingers as your body convulses leaving you breathless, boneless and writhing in pure ectasy as you cry out "Threadshot!"
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:37, Reply)

I liked that far too much
I'll picture someone else's 'seed' if you don't mind though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Sure. I know I did
*sweats*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:41, Reply)

I'm 'glowing' a bit myself
If the rest of your writing is that dirty I want to see it!

OT IS PURE FILTH THIS AFTERNOON!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Ohhh I'm actually working on something right now, as we SPEEK

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Share the wealth

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:50, Reply)

it's not done

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:51, Reply)

There's a word for girls like you

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:53, Reply)

what's that then?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

'Writer'
:-)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:57, Reply)

here, have a bit
"Keep teasing me like this and I'm going to," I broke off as her hair fanned across my cock. I groaned as the brush touched the base of my shaft. My breath left me in a 'whoosh' as she used the smallest brush in her kit to accentuate the rolling waves she had painted on my abdomen.

by Kristine, aged old
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Well don't forget,
when it's finished.
Painting waves, wtf, but I trust it'll be good.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:59, Reply)

wtf indeed
there is no sex in it
yet
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Go on then
crack on
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:03, Reply)

he loomed over her ominously as he trust his hefty shaft into her quim, she squealed in delight
he grunted and growled, thrusting his tongue into her ear before asking "You like that, bitch?"
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Haha fuck off!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Her honey soaked sex clentched at his length, pulling him over the edge into his own orgasm
she sighed, contented, happy she knew how to fake an orgasm so he would finally get the fuck off so she could go home
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:19, Reply)

or go to sleep
or to the bathroom to finish herself off
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:20, Reply)

or to her next lover who is more adept at pleasing her

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:23, Reply)

i love it when that happens

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:25, Reply)

yooooooooouuuuuuuus a hoooooooooooooo
yoooooooouuuuuuus a hooooooooooooooo
yoooooooouuuuuuuuusssss a hooooooooooooo
I said dat yous a hooooooooooooooo
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:26, Reply)

"It's a hoe-down"
"I'm down, but I'm not a ho"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Does this mean the
Porno movies are only movies and not real life?

I'm shocked!
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Lesbians are just straight women who have met Piston Broke at one point in their life

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:25, Reply)

or recieved a gaz from him.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:26, Reply)

or have visited www.jamescartercomedy.com

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Still no luck with the internet dating then?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:39, Reply)

Who cares
when she knows just how to start an OT afternoon revival!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:41, Reply)

She does,
she's very lonely.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Thank you for caring.

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:54, Reply)

I'm all heart.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:00, Reply)

I care
i'm a caring kinda guy. I'm so caring guess what kind of bear I would be? That's right, a polar bear.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:42, Reply)

bi-polar bear?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:50, Reply)

That was a Viz comic strip
it was mentally illarious
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:59, Reply)

I haven't read the Viz since I was about 14
Isn't it a bit wrong for somebody of our age an adult to be reading comics...?

*awaits the nerd police*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Probably
But I have to balance the grown up tedium of life with something a bit childish.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:05, Reply)

B 3 T A

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Yes, yes...it's all part of the rich* tapestry** that is my life



*sad
**waste
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:09, Reply)

Never to old for comics
I have a rather impressive collection of Marvel 'Essentials' - all Xmen published to date, Silver Surfer, Captain America, SpiderMan, Marvel 2in1, Team-up, Ultimate Spiderman, Ultimate Xmen 1-10, House Of M, X-Tinction Agenda, Mutant Massacre,

I also have the Death Of Superman Trilogy, Judge Dredd Apocalpyse War, Batman RedRain, Marvel/DC Amalgam Universe and lots of others :0)

Never to old for comics!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:12, Reply)

There is a bit of a stigma to it though, isn't there?
Grown ups with comics run a greater risk of dying alone*, or having the comics thrown out and burned when they find a woman to rule their lives for them.

*100% genuine internet fact
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Not quite!
I have a lovely nearlywife and she's not burnt them yet. She even suggested a put a new shelf for my growing collection.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:18, Reply)

You found a good one!
Now bury her before somebody else gets their mits on her
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Yes, yes I did.
She is a million different varieties of loveliness.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:53, Reply)

Well if she goes and gets hooked up with someone
what will happen here?
She won't have time to go starting filth-fests on OT then will she??
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:51, Reply)

I'll always have time for filth-fests : )

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

H'rah!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:56, Reply)

I concur.

( thealternativefact, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Woo!
Hiya Drix. I'm loving it here this afternoon.
I wish we were all in a big tent.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Wotcha Roots.
It's that Kristine - she's soooo bad.
( thealternativefact, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:04, Reply)

She is indeed, thank the lord.
But that BGB knew what she was starting...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:07, Reply)

D: me?
:(
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:20, Reply)

:D

( thealternativefact, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:22, Reply)

I'm a fucking saint
*pokes*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:24, Reply)

and a porno writing goddess

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 17:27, Reply)

There is one possibility.
But my heart's not in it really.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Sack it before it starts then
Otherwise, before you know it you'll be nearly vomiting with panic when the phone rings.
Or is that just me?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Yay for romantic apathy! I have suffered this all my life
There was this song a few years ago that went "I'm not in love with you, but I wont hold it against you".

I could relate to it.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Still pining for an old flame unfortunately.
I haven't even met this new chap yet.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Awww, even I've been there
the only cure for a bloke is another bloke with a bigger cock, and a larger wallet
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:02, Reply)

How about no baggage and a bigger cock.
That would do me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:54, Reply)

yes, but if you're not squealing with anticipation
at the mere THOUGHT of meeting him, then he's not going to cut the mustard.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:06, Reply)

That's the most disgusting euphemism
I've ever heard
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Do you feel ill?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:10, Reply)

That depends
on whether this 'ill' person has smashing norks or not
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:12, Reply)

The right one is amazing
The left one is so-so
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:15, Reply)

Do they bounce when she runs?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Yes
But I don't think that's a bad thing
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Neither do I
Bouncing is a requirement of awesome boobs.
Bring her to me!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:20, Reply)

She's running now
I can see her.
She looks like the circus coming to town.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Haha!
Haven't heard that one before!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:24, Reply)

You can have it
have you heard "She looks like June"?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:26, Reply)

June...?
No....?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Busting out all over
...tish.
I like it. Mums say it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:28, Reply)

I don't get it?
She's like June, she's busting out all over? What am I missing here?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:28, Reply)

Don't question me, Eddie!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's just funny.
"Mum, does this top suit me."
"No luv, you're like June."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:31, Reply)

I'm going to back away slowly now, try not to be alarmed
*sidles away*
*strikes up conversation with a pot plant*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:33, Reply)

My mate talks to plants
And even flirts with them
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:36, Reply)

Pffft
is he/she a whorticulturalist?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:37, Reply)

She is now
Bless her
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:38, Reply)

She'll be married to an Aglaonema before you know it
they'll have settled down and had little sproutlets of their own.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:40, Reply)

It gave her the brush-off

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:40, Reply)

But I bet it didn't mind
poking her bush
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:41, Reply)

It was crowded
The club, not her bush
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:46, Reply)

On t'other hand
takes all the stress out of the first meeting and makes it more 'natural'.
( thealternativefact, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:07, Reply)

I've been there
you have to concentrate on the bad points of the old flame. C'mon girl...DEMONISE THAT BASTARD!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Well he did snore a lot.

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 17:21, Reply)

We are totally
catty and dramatic when in groups of more than about 4. I think it comes with hanging around the overly-dramatic gay guys. Same thing; dykes end up sleeping with a lot of people in their social circle - particularly in small towns with little choice - and it all gets a bit too bitchy. Plus there's the whole "sleeping with a lesbian who's been through all your friends" thing. Gross, quite frankly.

I've managed to avoid all that by making sure my fuck buddies live in a different city to me.

*smugs*
(Biscuit Burlesque wants to be Dita von Teas, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Blimey, they're all coming out of the woodwork
How many lesbaniks does it take to fill B3ta? ...alot, apparently.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:09, Reply)

And they're like the mormons
They have a file on everyone.
I spent a year at most on the gay scene when I was 16/17.
Fast forward 10 years and some girl I've never met comes up to me and starts asking all about my mates, my ex, "Is Kelly's mum still sick?" etc etc. I said "How do you know all this about me? I don't know you?" She just winked and said "Everyone knows everything round here."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:13, Reply)

It's the Gaystapo!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:15, Reply)

*guffaws*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Ve haf vays of making you eat minge

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:21, Reply)