Since I spent some time away
I've kind of lost track of who's who in this place, and there are some new people too, so come in and introduce yourself.

I'm Bert; if you're a girl I'll probably try to groom you, if you're a boy I'll abuse you, but only in a sexy way.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:08, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am The Supreme Crow
Or am I????
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:12, Reply)

You were here before anyway
so I know of you, it's the irritating little twerps whose names I don't recognise that I'm trying to encourage into posting, so that I can rib them to shreds and then poke their bits with my fiddlestick
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Which must mean I am...um...
PsychoChomp.

Yes, I shall be PsychoChomp for a day. Or half an hour.

Whatever makes Bert fiddle with fiddlestick the most...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Is PsychoChomp a girl?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Opinions differ on the matter
That is to say, PsychoChomp reckons she's male. Everyone else reckons she's a proper girl. With, like, ladybits and periods and everything.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:20, Reply)

But if you are he/she
surely you should know? Hurry up and tell me, I'm itching to put it in you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:21, Reply)

Good point.
I am PsychoChomp and therefore female, for an as-yet-undetermined length of time to be decided upon when I've decided how pleasant it is to have Bert's fiddlestick in my genuine, bona-fide Lady's Vag-Bit.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Oh no
I'm not after your lady bit, I want to stick my cock up your feminine nostrils
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Oh not again, that always gives me a nosebleed.
But then I suppose you can emulate fucking me on a night when I've got the painters in.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Yeah
and when I withdraw my mucus and blood covered cock I'll go out into the streets and tell everyone what a filthy little whore you are
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:27, Reply)

If you want to wander out onto the streets of Elephant and Castle with your snot-stained cock hanging out then be my guest
And good luck to you.

...we are going back to my place, aren't we?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:28, Reply)

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:14, Reply)

You used to be Strange Kristine
I have no idea why you changed your name, were you 'normalised' by paratroopers?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:14, Reply)

I'm pretty sure I wasn't

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:17, Reply)

You weren't?
You're not Strange Kristine who used to hang around on /talk?

Then please accept my apologies, and who the fuck are you?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:18, Reply)

No I'm not that person, she's a rubbish Kristine
I'm Kristine

just fucking Kristine
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:27, Reply)

You're fucking yourself?
how do you do that and type at the same time?x
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:36, Reply)

im not well :(
oh, and im totally underage
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Ew....
on both counts
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:18, Reply)

I've got lots of names.
Technically I fall under the definition of troll.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:17, Reply)

I was accused of that once, it's not nice
you're just trying to fit in in a world that you don't understand, you're just ahead of your time.

So who else are you then? Anybody I'd know?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Bescarfed, handsome sofa-based wrestler.

( thealternativefact, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Scarf-wearing cockhound is also a common description.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:12, Reply)

I'm here most people fucking love me
with a few notable exceptions.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:19, Reply)

noted

( thealternativefact, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:20, Reply)

I think you really wish you could hate me but you can't

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:24, Reply)

I wonder what my obstacle here is.
You have so many undesirable qualities.
What's that thing that stops me from feeling unhindered hatred for you?
( thealternativefact, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:26, Reply)

I bought you a drink.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Of course!

( thealternativefact, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:36, Reply)

I find bribery the best way to make friends.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:40, Reply)

How could anybody not love you?
You seem like such a lovely bastard
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:20, Reply)

I'm a sweaty palmed sleeze apparently.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:24, Reply)

You'd think your Mum would be grateful for anything she can get

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:26, Reply)

Nah
More cherub faced lovable scoundrel :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:28, Reply)

See, you I don't know
you're married to that Devil fella, but that's about it.

Who are you?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:28, Reply)

I am she that be flim-flam
*shakes hand*

I post every now and then. I like cake, doodling and programmes about forensic science and sharks! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:32, Reply)

Thanks flim,
you're too good for this place.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:33, Reply)

I'm Roota
I'm inane. Can't help it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:32, Reply)

Nah
Your my nemesis but I think your grrrrrrreat. Like Tony the Tiger... only not crap! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Look, as long as I'm not Toby from Coco Pops, I don't mind.
Is he Toby? Did I make that up?

Anyway, look, a Giraffe! *headlock, knuckles your head, but not too hard. real friendly like*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:36, Reply)

Hmmm...
I'm not sure if it was Toby... sounds good to me though!

Also, damn. I always fall for the giraffe trick! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:39, Reply)

I just checked. It's Coco.
What's the matter with me? Geoffrey the Giraffe... was he Toys 'r' Us?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:42, Reply)

Indeed
'There's millions says Geoffrey all under one roof, its called Toys 'r' Us, Toys 'r' Us, TOYS 'R' US!!!'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:45, Reply)

I haz a nostalgic
*sniff*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:46, Reply)

Me too
I remember racing around the store on display bikes crashing into stuff!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:48, Reply)

Then when you got older did you do the same in B&Q?
I did. Not the bikes bit. But the mayhem bit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:50, Reply)

I think so...
I remember jumping out of a shed at Focus and scarying my mum... that was probably two years ago... so... yeah, still doing it!! Tehe
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:54, Reply)

I hid under a boy's bed at the weekend
It was so funny seeing his feet walking in and out of the room, trying the other rooms, possibly coming to the conclusion I'd jumped out of the window but saying "Roota..?", just in case. Then I burst out from under the bed in absolute hysterics. I amused myself and convinced him I'm unhinged. Job done.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:59, Reply)

Hahaha brilliant!
Every now and then I will jump out from behind a door or something too, it doesn't mean we're unhinged, we're just keeping people on their toes! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:03, Reply)

That's right, yes...
*shifty eyes*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:08, Reply)

I am the Lord of Lamb
Good day noble sir.
(Lord Of Lamb, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:42, Reply)

.
I'm Agnostic.

You're still a cunt. Welcome back.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:52, Reply)

*tips hat*
right, Bert?
*nods*

Can we talk about cocks again, you and I, the way we used to when the days were bright, the grass was new and green, the lemonade fresh and the summers lasted forever?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:53, Reply)

Hello interweb folks
I'm spikeypickle. I'm not very spikey, nor am I a pickle. My hair used to be spikey and I have found myself in a bit of pickle once or twice.

I'm quite lovely.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:55, Reply)

You accuse scousers of being stalkers
when everybody knows we're rooters.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:00, Reply)

I'll root you in a minute!
And not in the Australian way either!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:04, Reply)

You wouldn't dare
I'll have your hubcaps for ear-rings
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:07, Reply)

Oh yes I would!
And I'd do it in the Australian way as well just to prove a point!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:08, Reply)

And I'll wool you
cos you're a woolly-back bastard
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:12, Reply)

Come and get it, you dirty dirty girl
xoxox
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:15, Reply)

Are you on glue
again?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:16, Reply)

I'm Applebite.
I'm an attention whore.
If you pander to me, Psychochomp will get jealous.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:02, Reply)

tehehehe

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:04, Reply)

.
attention whore

Tee hee.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:07, Reply)

sezyou
xoxox
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:09, Reply)

Yep!
Sez me!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:15, Reply)

my name is g-rex and i'm a rape-aholic
.... i also dont know how to do that thing where you write something then cleverley make it look like its crossed out... pointers? :)
(g-rex, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:25, Reply)

<s>only use it when it's actually funny</s>
only use it when it's actually funny
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 18:09, Reply)

I'm still Noel
I'm still late. I'm still available for you to rub beef oxo granules into after a long, hard walk.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 18:11, Reply)

I'm NakedApe
and I mostly lurk, but sometimes like to pop up and be facetious
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 18:14, Reply)

I'm knackerz
and I miss all the fun coz I'm on the other side of the world and you're all asleep now...
(knackerz is skinning up, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 0:29, Reply)