Off Topic Top Trumps
Have you ever sat at home alone, wondering what it would be like if the inhabitants of Off Topic were in actual fact characters from Pokemon? Well, wonder your silly head no more...

althegeordie beckyjsbx

Bert BGB

crackhouseceilidhband chickenlady

davros's granddad Enzyme

That bloke from talk Kaol

PJM The Grammar Badger

tourettes VampyreCat

Vipros

Apologies to anybody I missed, it took long enough to make these as it was, and they're remarkably shit.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:51, 75 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Im hurt
Not really though
( Peej, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Sorry
I barely know you, but you could always make your own
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:54, Reply)

Barely know me! You fucker!
You promised it wasn't just a one night thing and that you'd remember me in the morning!
( Peej, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:00, Reply)

I say that to all the girls
and the sheep, the goats, the monkeys, the b3tards and George Alagiah(sp?)
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:01, Reply)

bastard :(

( Peej, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Oh come on
posting a real picture of me is so uncool.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:57, Reply)

But it gives all of the ladies the horn

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:58, Reply)

:(

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:58, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post533180
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:00, Reply)

doesn't work.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Shut up
so's your face.

I'm viewing b3ta from a proxy here, none of the links work. I was linking to my reply up there^^^
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:05, Reply)

I think those are ace

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Ta
I was going to draw them all with crayons, but my red one broke and it took me ages to get over it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:00, Reply)

Shouldn't have stuck it up your nose.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Please
I can think of at least seven other places that are more interesting than my nose for sticking crayons
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:06, Reply)

are six of them
"in Bert Reynolds"?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:07, Reply)

They are now

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:07, Reply)

*high fives*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:08, Reply)

*chest bump*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:11, Reply)

*bottom bump*

*crotch touch*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

MmmmMMMmmm...
I like it like that
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:13, Reply)

*mammograms*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

Yep
it's cancer
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

Mmmmmm, that's my favourite

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Lick it
does it taste of malignancy?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:18, Reply)

These are brilliant.
Especially my picture. You got me on a good day.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:00, Reply)

I did an image search for 'angry mong'
but apparently there is no such thing, they're all a happy, smiley bunch
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:01, Reply)

The extra chromosome is a happy chromosome.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Downs Syndrome IV: Chromosome of Joy
This time it's perrrrrrmmnnnnggghhsonal
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:04, Reply)

These are excellent!
I'm going to have a game of OTTT when I get home with the missus.

Bert, you've excelled yourself this time.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:02, Reply)

Aw, shucks
but cheers PJ, you have no idea how long I was transfixed on that picture I found for you.

EDIT I want them printed off and bandied about at bashes NOW
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:03, Reply)

I know nothing of Pokemon or Top Trumps
and I'm quite happy I'm not on that list
*gives bert a wet willy*
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:07, Reply)

I'll give you a wet willy
*licks*
*wipes*

EDIT en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top_Trumps
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:08, Reply)

do you honestly think I'm going to read that?
I'm not going to fucking read that
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:19, Reply)

It's just a card game
you read a statistic on your card and the other person has to say the score on theirs, whoever has the highest score wins the other person's card.

I can't believe you don't get Top Trumps in America, what the hell do your children do all day? -besides shoot their classmates, obviously
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:23, Reply)

we probably do but it's so lame I'd never play it
we'd do things like have tea parties, climb trees, play hide and go seek, shoot eachother with bb guns
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

Wow
although we're seperated by a mighty watery expanse, our cultures are very similar. We should form a treaty or something, and we'll help you out from time to time, invade countries for oil right by your side, and in return you could give us films like 'The Break-up' with Vince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston.

It'll be marvellous
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:33, Reply)

but thats a shit movie
as is jennifer aniston and vince vaughan

don't you want something worth while?
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:40, Reply)

yeah, like Pearl Harbour

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Ha!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:12, Reply)

Cruelly overlooked, once again.
What a terrible state of affairs.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Ahhh.... I'm sorry Wookie!
I should definitely have included you, you just need to stand out a little more. I see the odd little reply to a thread from you here and there, but it's not enough
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Quality my boy, not quantity.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:23, Reply)

*nods*
Or in my case, post as much shite as you possibly can, somebody's bound to find some of it funny
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:23, Reply)

Brilliant
Biggest lol was Gonz's spelling rating.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Haha!
There was one which I considered far better than that, but I changed it to avoid a serious beating
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Al's geordiness factor was quite LOLworthy though.

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Because he's a big southern soft shite

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:18, Reply)

8 out of 100 for sexiness : (
I was having a good day until now.
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Some statistics are out of 100
others are out of 10, you got 8/10 you sexy little minx
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:12, Reply)

Yay! I still got it.
*adjusts corset elastic*
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:14, Reply)

I think I gave you the highest score for sex appeal
You should be very proud that I'm making no attempts at all to disguise the fact that I'm grooming you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:15, Reply)

You wouldn't be the first young man to groom me today : )

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:16, Reply)

O RLY?
Is this why you're in such a good mood?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:17, Reply)

: )
I has an admirer and he's not a B3tan.
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

Just another bloke sending you photos of him wanking on the internet then?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

Probably.
I think he may have clicked my profile by mistake but I don't care because today I am happy.
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:37, Reply)

I'm surprised
I was expecting one for me, with just a picture of a girl, and some whiney shite about tight trousers and emo hair.

Christ you're boring.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:32, Reply)

That's exactly what I'm going to do now
So get a haircut, you ponce
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Fantastic
Now f**k off and do a lot more!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:37, Reply)

Oh noe
I've made a rod for my own back
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Yes
Yes you did. And it's a great big rod, with spunk exploding from the end.

BUKAKE
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Cor!
I love these! And not just because mine has the very best scores!
These must be printed out and sniggered over at bashes.

Ace work.

Bertie, you're back on form - I never stopped believing in you even when others said you were a cunt.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:52, Reply)

But I am a cunt

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Aww...bless your little cotton cock-warmer
Know thyself...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:21, Reply)

I particularly like the picture for Kaol's
very apt
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:04, Reply)

*sexy five*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Thank you.
That was lovely young Bert.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:25, Reply)

I'm reasonably late in the game here
but I'm here to tell you this made me cackle like a motherfucker, then cry because I wasn't included. I'm now making my own set of cards and my stats will rule you all.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:56, Reply)

Fookin' brilliant Bert! :o)
My only slight quibble is that you've given DG a higher sex appeal score than me. HRUMF.

(He wore a flowery/paisley blouse and velvet jacket to the bikers' rally thing we attended on Saturday night you know.....)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 19:08, Reply)

Bertie, I think you have far too much time on your hands if you're creating things like this
but it made me do a real life LOL, OFFLINE and everything. Nice work :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 19:56, Reply)

Holy fuck, it's an emoticon.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 19:58, Reply)

Holy bejingos, it's a stupid comment following one of mine

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:12, Reply)

Nice norks missus :)

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:17, Reply)

It's all about the uplift love ,)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:32, Reply)