Given that B3tards are diverse and interesting bunch
who no doubt have a wide range of obscure and tech related jobs. I pose this question: How do you describe what you do for a living to your family?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:54, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I predict the future.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:57, Reply)

how much for a glimpse into traffic in leeds next thursday?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:59, Reply)

You joke
but give me a couple of weeks and a shit load of data and I could model traffic flow relativley well.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:00, Reply)

This used to be:
"I'm a Video Engineer, Basically I do IT stuff for TV companies, at the moment work for a company that provides network connections for TV companies to send video round the world on a very fast private network."

Now it's a bit easier:
"Dolescum"
(bill, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:03, Reply)

I suppose that is one less thing to worry about
now that elderly relatives are not introducing you as a "TV repairman who also works with computers"
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:05, Reply)

There is that
I suppose
(bill, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:14, Reply)

I've got a League Of Gentlemen tshirt
that says "dolescum" on the front in the old blue and yellow Job Centre font.
( djtrialprice, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:12, Reply)

Someone needs to make a fresh batch
for the unemployed and ironic
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:16, Reply)

"I work in online sales"
I sell sex, online.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:06, Reply)

and I buy it.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:16, Reply)

you know all those complicated financial derivatives
that bankers optimistically thought were safer than they actually were? I write financial pricing and risk management software for large global banks, financial instutions and governments.

the credit crunch is not my fault
( djtrialprice, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:11, Reply)

Of course not
I imagine you got copies of your reports back with TL;DR scrawled on them with vintage red thickened with cocaine
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:14, Reply)

it's only the traders who make the extortionate money in the banking sector
it's only the bankers who have the coke problem. I work for a software house, we sell stuff that traders / risk managers use. We don't get to see any class As round our parts :(
( djtrialprice, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:18, Reply)

hahaha
just looked up TL;DR
( djtrialprice, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:20, Reply)

Its the first line of defence for the lazy
Anyways I'm surprised a Internets savvy chap like yourself didn't already know that. You must attract a high class of posts
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:25, Reply)

interwebs savvy
nah, I just mash the keyboard with my webbed Fife fingers and get very lucky.
( djtrialprice, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:28, Reply)

Its had you in good stead so far

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:29, Reply)

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( djtrialprice, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:32, Reply)

I "put the books away"
according to one of my friends, anyway.

This has caught on. Whenever I'm asked what I do, one of my friends jumps in with "She puts the books away."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:18, Reply)

librarian?

( djtrialprice, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:28, Reply)

Ish,
I'm only an assistant.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:34, Reply)

Ah so its just as much about bananas then

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:37, Reply)

I have a banana in my hand
You work with me don't you...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:40, Reply)

Possibly
I just keep my head down and try and get things done without attracting attention
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:44, Reply)

*scared*
Don't get me fired. I know your mum...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:46, Reply)

I manage an online and catalogue retail business
so I basically tell them that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:19, Reply)

I always thought you would do something a bit more rock and roll than that.

( girlinthehole, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 19:12, Reply)

"I'd tell you but I'd have to kill you"
because if I told them I'd have to kill them
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 18:05, Reply)

I sell drugs
which is ironic really.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 18:24, Reply)

I work with autistic children,
a large part of which involves social skillz training (!)
Poor blighters don't stand a chance......
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 18:37, Reply)

I work for my family so if they don't know what I do by now then I give up.

( girlinthehole, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 19:11, Reply)

I work in Special Projects for the Government
I could tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you. With boredom.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 20:51, Reply)

I bum
people
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 22:05, Reply)

I sell sticky tape
Ronseal
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 1:00, Reply)

"I sell woodcare products"
"Ronseal"

would have been better, mind.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 14:42, Reply)

erm
I attempt to investigate the mechanisms through which all matter exists in the Universe today.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 1:37, Reply)

They can comprehend the "university lecturer" bit
but I don't normally go into much detail regarding what research I do, mostly because they'll probably look at me and say "why is that useful?" If they're hoping I'll fix their computer they'll be wrong. Not theoretical enough, see.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 14:40, Reply)