I haven't got a degree in literacy.
I feel distinctly second-rate now. What qualifications do you have and how have they helped you in life?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:01, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have two BTEC diplomas in graphic design.
I work in regeneration. 'Nuff said?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:07, Reply)

The more professional qualifications I get, the less work I have to do.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:07, Reply)

I can masturbate and type at the same time.
Its helped me surf the internet.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:07, Reply)

I only got a 'pass', though.

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:11, Reply)

I have a PHD in manning the fuck up.

( girlinthehole, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:11, Reply)

I got a distinction.
They said they had never seen such skill in getting on with life after periods of adversity.
( girlinthehole, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:20, Reply)

Hmmm...
I do have qualifications in both literacy and psychotherapy. I just need to work on my levels of smug, bullshit and ill-advised bullying.
( thealternativefact, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:13, Reply)

I hold the Emeritus Chair
for Asperger's diagnosis (unproven) at Magdelen College.

I am also three times winner of the 'Golden Honda', but I don't like to brag.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:28, Reply)

In truth
I have a degree in Classical Civilisation with South Asian Studies.

I will leave it to you to guess how helpful this has been to me in life.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:33, Reply)

Hahahaha!
I thought doing Fine Art was bad but that is much more useless.
( girlinthehole, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Or media studies.
It prepares you for a career asking people if they want fries with that.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:39, Reply)

If you want to know about Roman battle formations
or the partition of India, I AM YOUR MAN.

What do you mean, 'no thanks'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Tell me about the partition of India.
I really, really want to know.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Well, it was basically to protect the interests of the muslim minority
They'd been safely looked after under British rule but feared (with some justification) that with self rule their precarious hold on positions of power (a hangover from the Mughal empire which immediately preceded British rule, hugely disproportionate to their small population) would be jeopardised. Thus they demanded and got what was initially called East & West Pakistan for themselves. A situation not a million miles from that in Norn Irn.

Oh, you were joking.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Let's just say Bill Hicks would be disappointed...

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Kill yourself
Just planting seeds.
( djtrialprice, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Hmm
I got a qualification in SQL and Java from the Oracle online academy.

By mentioning this, it means I can bullshit my way into an interview. That's how I got this job!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:39, Reply)

How much did that cost?
I want some SQL qualifications.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:44, Reply)

I got it through school
We were the first school in Cheshire to get them. It was an ok course, pretty damn easy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:48, Reply)

I didn't even know there WAS a degree in that.
Shirley to do any sort of degree, one needs to be fairly literate.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:44, Reply)

Actually, I've seen where this thread came from.
Duh for me.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

I wonder where that feckless flood 'expert' Vipros has got to?
Worse floods in 500 years (yawn), and he is nowhere to be seen, 'a few days off' he said. I bet he saw the forecast and booked the first holiday out of the UK he could find. Probably just ordered 'a smug' of croissants and some freshly brewed coffee as we speak.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:45, Reply)

*cracks up*
Yeah, the fucker. He's probably in Cumbria surfing down their flooded rivers....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:51, Reply)

charming
statistically 1 in 1000 years. Those are the highest flows that we model flooding for. Means a very low annual probility.

Flood defences are usually 1 in 100 for fluvial (river), 1 in 200 for tidal, but depends on the area. London's defences are probably 1 in 10000 or something.

Basically, even if there were defences, they'd still have been fucked.

I've been in St. Ives, where it has been blowing so hard I've hardly slept all weekend.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 16:00, Reply)

I am qualified to lead conservation volunteers
Rule 1 was to not shag the volunteers.

I failed, but won.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:48, Reply)

I have half a law degree
and I've just started an interior design degree.

I don't have A-levels, but I do have a distinction in RSA typing level 1. That's right, distinction. I can typpe goopd.

I'm an office manager for a law firm during the day and dance teacher by night (well on Saturdays) and corset maker when the mood takes me. Not being educated has never hindered me until recently, because nothing I do seems to require any proof other than my obvious ability. But I'm regretting my lack of qualifications more recently because I want to emigrate to Australia but my lack of higher education means I don't have enough points.

Damn picky Australians, wanting only useful immigrants who will benefit their society.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:50, Reply)

I hear they're very short of good hairdressers over there.

( girlinthehole, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:52, Reply)

My boyfriend let me cut his hair once
Just the once though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:55, Reply)

You and Poppet
need to tell the relevant authorities that you both want to swap.
( djtrialprice, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:27, Reply)

haha
I did think about that, but I don't know if I could take the war with Al that comes as part of the package.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:44, Reply)

I have a BSc in Sports Science
damn lot of good that's done me
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:01, Reply)

Bronze Swimming Certificate?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:13, Reply)

that's what my sister called mine
she says she's got a Bad Attitude. I concur.
( djtrialprice, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:24, Reply)

if only
that would be useful - i can't swim
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:25, Reply)

A BSc in maths
Which has proved useful in gaining IT jobs despite being no use at all in the jobs themselves.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:16, Reply)

I've got a Scotvec module
in Using A Keyboard.

And a PhD in Artificial Intelligence. Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha, my robots will take over the world.

/trufax
/croissants
( djtrialprice, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:22, Reply)

2:2 in Combined Honours (Sociology and Philosophy with a bit of Politics)
Totally fucking useless. Chocolate teapot.
It did get me my job, because you had to have a degree to do the initial traineeship I did. The subjects bore no relevance though. I fucked uni up anyway. I was too busy doing other fun stuff and being surrounded by mad people. I'm glad I did it, but not because of the actual qualifications.
I'd rather people asked me about my A-levels. I went to a shit school, was getting bullied, had a bonkers other half and still got three Bs. Now that, I'm happy with.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:37, Reply)

A Bmus
in music, an MMus in Historical Musicology, and the LRAM (instrumental music teaching qualification).

I think the MMus is good for making people not immediately dismiss my opinions out of hand (which happens quite a lot if one says "I studied music at uni" - I work in a music company, so everyone has a basic music degree). The LRAM is just an extra 4 letters after my name - the only instrumental teaching I bothered doing was basically work experience so I could get the LRAM. Done bugger all since.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 12:02, Reply)