Christmas Cunts
Came home yesterday to a card from the postman saying that I had a delivery that did not have sufficient postage attached to it. I was advised to take myself to the depot with the princely sum of £1.30 (30p postage and a £1 charge) and collect my mystery delivery.

I was expecting a parcel form another country, so I assumed it would be this and excited myself with the knowledge that an early Xmas pressie would be mine. The only way I can get to the depot is to get the train home during my lunch hour, wobble up the street and then wobble back to get the same train back. i have a window of 10 minutes. No problem.

So I arrived and handed over my card, the postie handed me a letter, a fucking stampless letter, not the bounty i was expecting. He then informs me I can open the letter, see who it is from and then elect to pay the £1.30 or not. I open it to find a shitty Xmas card from an Aunt. I hand her the card back and tell her to bin it, she laughs and does exactly that.

I assume the card was posted without a stamp accidentaly, then again, i may send their card in a similar fashion, accidentally of course.

Anyone else encounter any Xmas related idiocy or tight fistedness.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 13:57, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm going to spend less than £20 on all my presents this year combined.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Hey big spender!
£20 is a lot of beer, fuck 'em, get them nothing.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:01, Reply)

I can't really go to someones house and expect them to feed me christmas dinner without getting them something.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:05, Reply)

give them genital herpes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:06, Reply)

I'm not giving that to my grandparents.
I may make them some sweets or something.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:07, Reply)

I'm sure your grandparents will by happy just to see your cheeky little face.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:08, Reply)

They'll be happier with the mince pies/candied almonds or whatever I finally decide to make.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:10, Reply)

Or a selection of sauce sachets, liberated from a Wetherspoons.
Handy AND thoughtful.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:07, Reply)

You do this too?
I can't find a shop anywhere that sells Heinz Mayo.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Oh yes,
I see it as an inverted tip. I take a load of sachets for being such a good customer. Handy for the car and work. At our desk the girl next to me has a 'condiment jar', with salt, various sauce sachets etc. I came back one day with english AND french mustard, mayo, salad cream, horseradish and mint sauce sachets. None of them will ever get used, probably, but all the lovely colours made her day.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Right on
I stay at a hotel that puts out individual marmite cartons for the breakfast buffet. Usually grab 30 at a time. Great for kids packed lunches.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:08, Reply)

"30 at a time"
Don't hold back now!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Some of the self adhesive stamps
can fall off if you don't press them on properly.

The old lick-and-stick ones never had that problem.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Then press them on properly you wimp.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

I do
but elderly aunts may be a bit weak for that sort of thing!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Pfft!
That's what nieces and nephews are for.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:10, Reply)

She's a morbidly obese wobbler
Probably had too much grease on her hands when she applied the stamp. Or she ate it.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:10, Reply)

It's possibly stuck
to her chips.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:11, Reply)

If the postage is incorrect, my postie just sticks them through the letterbox anyway.
"Yay" for lazy posties
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

I told a pair of mates not to get me anything because I wasn't going to ge them anything.
This has less to do with tight fistedness and more with the fact that they haven't been around for the last year.
They can fuck right off.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Write that in a card and send it...
"Not seen you all year - fuck right off."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:24, Reply)

it makes me sad, really
we used to be great friends, but now that he's found Jesus he doesn't hang out with me because he's hangin' with his "Bro's in Christ".
It makes me want to burn down his house.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Shame.
Though I do enjoy one New Years ritual - I go through my address book and permanently delete at least five entries (usually more.)

It is very cleansing and makes you think about whom you do/do not give a fuck about.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:45, Reply)

I don't need to do that.
I'm just a bit more choosy in who I make friends with in the first place.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:47, Reply)

But what if they find Jesus like Kristine's mate?
Do they stay in your world?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Won't happen.
Not with the type of people I hang out with.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:24, Reply)

Do you make them take a personality profile test first?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:27, Reply)

yeah, I actually did delete both his and his wife's number in february, I know his by heart tho, he's had it for years
but it's the point!
fucking cunt :(
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:50, Reply)

My sister
got a set of bathtime smellies from my Dad's thankfully-nearly-ex-wife a couple of years ago. It was suspiciously similar to the set of bathtime smellies my sister had got for her the year before.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:41, Reply)

My brother's godfather is one of the Queen's chaplains
He lives in Windsor Castle. He is not a poor man, but one year saw fit to give his 15-year-old godson.......


......a tea towel. A Windsor Castle tea towel.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:52, Reply)

Nice.
Did he get you a David Bowie mirror?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:54, Reply)

He lives and breathes to this day.
Evidence, if it were needed, that he did not.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:56, Reply)

It could have made a handy spunkrag.

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Haha!
I envision you trying to leave a 'portion' on the smug maw of Her Majesty but dropping it on her inbred ginger grandson.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:12, Reply)

The fellow is a rather creepy bender (theory based solely on his hair)
It's perfectly possible it was one of his old ones.


EDIT: in the 70s he was a dead ringer for this chap:

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:12, Reply)

"Creepy Bender" - The worst of all the benders
Read in the paper today that all the queens men (and women i expect) are getting a crystal decanter for the xmas pressie, as opposed the tenners worth of tat they usually got.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Mr June on the Sex offender calendar 2010

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:28, Reply)

'the choirboys' excuse me'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:31, Reply)

My sister-in-law
One year my s-i-l got me and my mum both - some paper serviettes! To be fair, there were other presents and they were prettily folded - but paper serviettes FFS!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:56, Reply)