It's my works do this afternoon
and there's this guy that I absolutely hate in the office, I'm worried I'm going to get drunk and tell him what a monumental twat he is.

I wonder if I should just not drink very much so that I remain restrained and tactful, or drink lots and just avoid him all day.

I'm looking forward to the actual do itself though, the menu sounds nom and eating food is my favourite thing to do.

Generic Christmas question: What's your favourite part of Christmas Day?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:31, 88 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

get drunk scream in his face
you're a fucking twat

Post here the next day we'll all give props
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:32, Reply)

This.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Big up props Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:33, Reply)

I would love to do this
but I don't have the cojones.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:34, Reply)

I'm going to start taking bets that you end up fucking him.
I'm going to offer 5-2 any takers?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:32, Reply)

oh god ew.
he's balding.
and scouse.
and the bit that's not balding is ginger.
and he's a twat.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Your so gonna suck him off in the corridor

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:34, Reply)

it's you're
as in "you're annoying"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Ohhh Alt....
That's like rule number 1 of b3ta...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Oooooooooooo
I'll just get my handbag.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

You only really really hate people you want to fuck.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:34, Reply)

that's not always true
sometimes people are just cunts, and not the b3ta "everyone's a cunt" kind of cunt, someone who goes out of their way to make your working life miserable.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:35, Reply)

By that logic
I want to fuck that hansome fighter pilot north pole walking charity giving twatbucket Ed.

And I'm pretty sure I'd rather lick Al's balls
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Yeah you would.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

They taste
like Christmas
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:38, Reply)

gravy?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:47, Reply)

disappointment
and indigestion
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Rotten eggnog

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:52, Reply)

I've never even been in the same room as eggnog
what's it like?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:53, Reply)

It tastes like Al's balls.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:56, Reply)

an acquired taste then

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:58, Reply)

It's fucking horrible
It's effectively a glass of cream with some booze in it - if I've managed to make it sound even remotely drinkable I have failed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:05, Reply)

You'd do anything to suck Al nuts.
Stop trying to contradict my internet facts.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:38, Reply)

that's not a fair comparison
Al's balls are delicious.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:38, Reply)

Boo-Yah!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Hey I'm scouse
And I'm boss and sexeh!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:57, Reply)

but he lies about it
he says "I'm not scouse, I'm from Cheshire!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Hahah well if he's from Cheshire he's not scouse
but he could be lying. I'm a townie so I can't lie...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:09, Reply)

I'm going out for a team lunch, and have a similar concern.
Though I'm not really that concerned, because the guy is such a monumental cunt, everyone hates him, and unless I accidentally repeatedly punch his stupid fucking face into a mush then there won't be very much that he can do about it if I simply say loudly "Why don't you just shut up and fuck off, because everyone hates you as you're an absolute dick?"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Everyone hates this guy too!
It's not just me. But he's a weasel and sucks up to the bosses so they seem to like him.

I found out recently he got thrown out of the police for being dodgy, I'd so love to find a way of bringing that up at the dinner table.

Maybe I could shoe-horn it into a game of I've Never
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

That's a great idea
Go "I have never been forced to leave a job" and if he doesn't drink turn to him, smile sweetly and then STAB HIS EYES WITH A FORK UNTIL HE'S DEAD!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:39, Reply)

I think you mean a spoon
why a spoon?


BECAUSE IT WILL HURT MORE
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Mayhap a soup spoon
for extra gouginess
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:42, Reply)

I like the word "gouginess".
I shall try to use it today.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Can I bring you to my work Xmas party next year?
I'll provide you with a fork!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:42, Reply)

Why be that subtle
just turn up dressed as a copper! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Ah you'll be fine
Just try to avoid him and you'll get through it! I managed to keep my mouth shut at my works do, you'll be alright! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

'I managed to keep my mouth shut at my works do'
Not what I heard, dearie. *winks*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:42, Reply)

haha
filth
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:43, Reply)

How rude
You suck off one elf and you're judged for life.

*huffs*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:44, Reply)

For 'elf' read 'midget'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:44, Reply)

For 'DrTugnutcracker' read
'bumface'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:46, Reply)

That is such a lovely insult...
I feel rather moved. (in a good way)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:49, Reply)

for "one" read "a convention of"

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Don't you start
Mr Dee
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:46, Reply)

I got another comparrison at wednesday's bash
www.b3ta.com/talk/6594567
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Is that the fat one from
Fall Out Boy?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:49, Reply)

I thought that at first
but it's not
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:50, Reply)

go fuck yourself

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:50, Reply)

But I'm at work?

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Just staple your eyes out then.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Erm...
*looks around*

Would you believe someone has stolen my stapler!

ho-hum
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Burn the building down

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:53, Reply)

I think someone needs a hug
*hugs*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:54, Reply)

It was a reference to the film "office space"
I'll take that hug though, and use it as an opening to pick your pocket.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:58, Reply)

...have a danger wank.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:54, Reply)

is that guy called The House of Lords?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:49, Reply)

yes.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:50, Reply)

interesting name...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Nah its deffo
the fat one from Fall Out Boy!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:50, Reply)

he looks more like 'The Gay of Lords' to me

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Oh come on,
at least pretend to put some effort in.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:58, Reply)

that was perhaps the shittest ever,
in a long line of shit posts by me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:01, Reply)

'A convention of midgets'
What a lovely collective.

Imagine that for a party!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:48, Reply)

*imagines*
*nips off for a danger wank*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Buy him a pint
shit in it.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:38, Reply)

that's your answer
to everything.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Shit in a baguette
et voila! My signature dish, the 'bot dog'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Or 'hot log' more like...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:55, Reply)

No, they're for pudding

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:59, Reply)

I have managed to avoid all work meals/parties/trips to the panto this year
It used to cost me a bloody fortune because I work among so many different departments, who would then be obliged to invite me to their parties and I was too young and polite to say no (and didn't have many schoolfriends so was actually shocked that I was able to feign popularity).

So anyway, I've been whittling, and this year have managed NONE! I may attend the final day pint in the local, but only baecause it's near my house and I also work there.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Our xmas meal tonight
has just been cancelled, bah fucking humbug!
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:16, Reply)

Unlucky. Why's that?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:17, Reply)

a fair proportion of staff
haven't even bothered to turn up for work (i.e. all the workshy cunts, we have people that managed to get to Cambridge from Romford and Chelmsford, yet someone 2 miles away phoned in saying they refused to travel) and with more snow duee later they think that people will get shitfaced, fall over, break limbs and sue them
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:20, Reply)

How gay.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:20, Reply)

yep
i'll sit at home, drink rum until I feel sick then cry while masturbating furiously to make up for it
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 12:23, Reply)

Haha that's my plan for tonight
as it is for every night.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:23, Reply)