I just went to sainsburys to get some lunch
it was one of the worst experiences of my life. It is freezing cold here and pouring with rain. The normal idiot drivers have been made worse by the appalling weather and the CHRISTMAS-FRENZY!

Drove round the car park along with 400 other people trying to find a space, was on my way back to the office without having got any lunch when I spied one. Inside the supermarket was no better.

They are all fucking morons. People trying to put a week's worth of shopping through the self-service checkouts, but are too spasticated to know how to work them.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 12:55, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stay in - drink sherry.
I went to clean the car and found a dozen or so xmas cards I was supposed to have dropped in the post box last week. Luckily it is all my wife's friends and family rather than mine.

'Bloody post office are useless' will be the defence tactic.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 12:57, Reply)

I needed lunch
and the cunting van didn't show up

christmas cards are a horrible waste of time and money. I have nothing to do with them, and my gf sends out a few to my rich relatives
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 12:58, Reply)

It's only two days when the supermarkets are shut and everyone buys enough for a month.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 12:59, Reply)

I know
they are fucking retarded.

Normally I just insult people quietly when they act like idiots in the supermarket or the street. I was exclaiming loudly today. awful awful experience.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:00, Reply)

I'm dreading the supermarket trip later today.
Would have done it earlier but I can't drive at the moment and the missus has been floored with man-flu and is just recovering.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:02, Reply)

I shall give her a ring this evening.
Good luck with the supermarket. You're going to need it.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:03, Reply)

Tell me about it.
I managed to get a fair few bits and bobs the other day, but it's going to take a car to get the rest of the stuff. Wine's heavy, you know...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Haha!
Don't forget something to eat as well.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:06, Reply)

Why didn't you walk there, you massive spastic?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:03, Reply)

It's too far to carry lots of stuff
You massive veterinary nurse.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:05, Reply)

This should be the end of any posts directed at becky

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:09, Reply)

yes

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:11, Reply)

because it takes 20 minutes each way, it's freezing cold and pissing with rain
twat
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:08, Reply)

Then clearly you live in wrongville
You shitcunting twatbadger
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:10, Reply)

no, I work in wrongville

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:13, Reply)

Please accept my humblest apologies that are specially made in humbleton out of humble elves and sackcloth.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:16, Reply)

accepted
don't do it again
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:23, Reply)

Home shopping FTW
all my christmassy food was delivered yesterday and I didn't have to talk to any fucktards at all.

Although the fucktards who do the home shop are even more retarded this time of the year.

Requested: Small sausage rolls
Out of stock
Substitute: Cheese Lattice

W
T
F
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:06, Reply)

The rules of home internet shopping
CDs, books and DVDs etc - yay.

Food - no yay.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:08, Reply)

Tru dat

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:08, Reply)

I didn't get where I am today
Without learning a few home shopping truths. Oh no...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:12, Reply)

I need to brave Sainsburys later
as it is the only place that sells Kalula :( Damn you kalula monopolising bastards
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:16, Reply)

do you mean Kahlua?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:22, Reply)

I know what I mean
you obviously know what I mean so shut the fuck up
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:24, Reply)

touchy much?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:36, Reply)

???

"MY NAME IS KALULA...."
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:27, Reply)

You're lucky you got anything
think of all the children in africa!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:08, Reply)

I'm thinking of them.
What now?
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:10, Reply)

They go nice with chips
I hear.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Donate your mammaries, they'll be grateful

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Everybody is grateful when they get their hands on my mammaries.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:13, Reply)

Are they nice and warm?
*warms hands on mamaries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:15, Reply)

Yup!
I stick them in the microwave now and then to keep them toasty all day.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:26, Reply)

touch yourself

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Those things, self service check outs, are the bain of my life.
I refute that fact that I'm an idiot, I'm a (mostly) fully functioning adult. I can program in around 10 verious languages, I can design things for FTSE100 sized companys. I've developed solutions inside budgets where if it wasn't for me, directly, the budget would have to be 100 fold.... and blah, blah, blah
TLDR: I'm not an idiot

And I can do the easy things, with these self service check out tills, vegtables? No problem, just put it on the weighing thing, pick the vegtable from the list, blop, put it in the bag. I've even mastered getting these bags open, granted, it wasn't easy, they're closed so tight that your fingers slip, you have to wet your fingers first (risking an IQ Dabilitating STI) . I was well proud the day I worked that one out. I've even worked out that, no matter what you're packing, press the "I don't wish to bag this item", so the "Weighing items" message doesn't come on the screen....
TLDR: Think I've cracked the code on how to work the tills

.....except it does come on, on something that doesn't weigh anything, like marshmillows or a bag of polistryine cups. And no matter how many times you press the pad to try and trick it, it doesn't work. And the queue is getting big, and it's getting angry, and there are kids screaming and it's turning into a scene reminicent of an upturned apple cart during WW2 and all I wanted was a few nuts or something and the pressure is building up and the person working the tills hasn't noticed you staring at him, pleeding with your eyes, he's to busy chatting someone else up, and it's starting to get fustrating now, you're on show and you're failing and.... Oh fuck it, I'll just leave the stuff here and walk out, nobody will notice, but you need to visit the phamacy which is right next to the tills so they'll still be watching at you with evil eyes.... Ok, I'm going to make a run for it, I'm there, I'm almost at the door.... "Excuse me sir, do you know you've left all your stuff". AGHHHHHHHH. "No sir, sorry sir, I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached sir, sorry sorry, won't happen again sir".
TLDR: But I haven't, I get fustrated and run off
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:18, Reply)

some idiot put her child
on my bagging area the other day which sent it beeping so I had to cunt her in the fuck
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:23, Reply)

what a dickhead
I've never had a single problem with them, and it means I don't have to deal with the fucking morons who work in supermarkets
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:38, Reply)

^ this happens to me with appalling regularity
and yet still I persist with the fucking things. They never save me any time at all. WHY DO I KEEP USING THE SELF CHECKOUTS?

I think it's because I don't want to have to engage with the mongoloids who work there.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:24, Reply)

I visit Asda near my work every weekday morning for milk etc
I won't hear a bad word said about the lovely old ladies that serve me. They're full of fun and always polite and helpful. If fact I may write to head office and tell them just that.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:30, Reply)

North Finchley Sainsbury's is staffed entirely by vapid simpletons.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:35, Reply)

North Finchley is full of vapid simpletons

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:40, Reply)

It's like Dawn of the fucking Dead out there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:54, Reply)

Muswell Hill Sainsburys is far worse
and its always full of yummy mummies shouting at Tarquil and Nesbith
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 14:00, Reply)

I just had to brave my Sainsburys
what a bunch of cunts. Some grumpy old twat and his haggard wife had a trolley in the self service aisle and were whinging about something. I wanted to punch his stupid old cunt face.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Are you talking about yourself in the 3rd person again?
I love self service checkouts. Never have a problem with them. We used to price up Krispy kreme's as 3 brussel sprouts at the Tesco near Regent St because they charged silly prices and we were poor and skanky.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 14:05, Reply)