Ooooh errr missus.
I'm off to get my hands up a plump bird and stuff her 'til she can't take any more.

What festive puns and/or innuendos do you favour?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:26, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I love to recive the contents of Santas sack late at night while I'm in bed

Then in the morning I'll drink my dad's Egg Nog
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Leg or breast?
It's the 'tits or face?' of the festive season.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:29, Reply)

I always like to masturbate over my christmas dinner

(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Me too
It's the only way to baste.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:47, Reply)

masturbasting.
I will now try to work "that's some master basting" into a conversation with the in-laws.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 12:38, Reply)

Everyone loves stuffing!
(from "Bottom")
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:30, Reply)

Your bottom?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Yes

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:33, Reply)

It is a splendid bottom.
Had it long?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:33, Reply)

32 years, I found it again the other day
it was sat around somewhere
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Lazy one eyed bastard.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:37, Reply)

"The very first time, that I saw your brown eye"

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:39, Reply)

"My brown eyed girl...lalala..."

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:40, Reply)

I always thought 'Brown girl, in the ring' was bit explicit

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:58, Reply)

I once fell out of a 1st storey window (drunk) and landed on my arse

Got up without a scratch!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:35, Reply)

You are Chuck Norris
AICMFP
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:36, Reply)

With less beard

and child AIDS victim friends
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Yeah
the child AIDS victims hate your fucking guts
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:59, Reply)

I was in a Harvesters yesterday (don't judge me)
and their menu uses the word "spitroast" a lot. Their christmas meal is a spitroast turkey, which made me think of "gobbling" and "sausagemeat stuffing".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:42, Reply)

I'm afraid I judged you before you asked me not to

I consider you to be as classy as Kerry Katona
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:43, Reply)

I heart her.
If only she died she'd be the new princess of hearts.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:48, Reply)

Well you can just unjudge me then
I'm appealing.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:48, Reply)

Fair enough

At least it wasn't a Hungry Horse
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:55, Reply)

I was in a beefeater on Monday
I'm that mad me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:56, Reply)

Toby Jug tomorrow!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:00, Reply)

Crown Carvery FTW!
Hard to argue with a £3.50 carvery.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

Would you like to pull my cracker?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Only if...
...you crack my nuts.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Is that a satsuma in the toe of your stocking
...or have you got a huge but terrifyingly misshapen and freakish penis?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Unfortunately it is a small...
..but terrifyingly misshapen and freakish penis.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 12:26, Reply)

A salty free gift every time.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:46, Reply)