Morning you herd of fucking reindeer!!
(Is it herd?)
The snow is clearing, my dad has man 'flu but is promising our annual Christmas Eve pint will go ahead.
I solved the 'forgot-to-buy-landlady's-cats'-presents' problem by going to the local shop and buying them a tinned fish hamper!
Just need to do a bit of cleaning and I'm ready to go...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:26, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

You have to buy your landladys cats presents?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:34, Reply)

if by "You have to buy your landladys cats presents?" you mean "are you mental?"
then the answer is yes
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:34, Reply)

No by "You have to buy your landladys cats presents?"
I actually meant "you like to shove whole rainbow trout into your vagina?"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:40, Reply)

You kids...
...with your street talk.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:41, Reply)

That's certainly the impression I'm getting

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:40, Reply)

I can do a bad Tommy Cooper.
Would that be better?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:42, Reply)

How's your Ronnie Corbett?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Oh you'd like that you midget loving freak.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:44, Reply)

Fuck off you cranks
She buys my cat a present so I have to buy her cats a present.
(My mum and dad also buy my cat a present. I have not given them grandchildren.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:44, Reply)

Hmmm
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVDJvrBFDDc
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Have I told you about that before?
Every time we have a family photo we do that song with the clicks.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:49, Reply)

It was a lucky guess.
BTW Uncle Fester looks like my left testicle.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Er no
Uncle Fester is what we call Uncle Francey.
But you only see Francey without his plastic wig when he's ill, so I can't prove that he looks just like Fester.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:53, Reply)

My right one...
...resembles Art Garfunkel.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:30, Reply)

YOU LIED TO ME PAULY!!!
Art is boss.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Except that he resembles my plums.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 12:27, Reply)

I tend to get presents from my parents' dog
and recently also from their flock of chickens
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:49, Reply)

Is this true
Or ar you lulling me into revealing just how mental my family is?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:50, Reply)

this is unfortunately true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:52, Reply)

Honestly, it's fine
It make me feel an affinity. You ought to worry.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:53, Reply)

What kind of presents
result from the anthropomorphism of your folks' family pets?

If they're good ones I'd just go along with it.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:55, Reply)

they are generally pretty good
assorted cookware, that sort of thing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:55, Reply)

I'd get them chickens checked out mate.
Giving you things to cook them in doesn't suggest the best mental health.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:07, Reply)

I got some pyjamas from the cats once

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:56, Reply)

I bet they were good
*sniggers*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:57, Reply)

They were the... oh...
Fack ooooorrrrrfff!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:58, Reply)

hahahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:00, Reply)

Fair enough
If it was like Superdrug tokens or festive jumpers I'd probably nip it in the bud, but pjs and cookware's good.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:59, Reply)

My mum gets me a mother's day card from my cat
'To my Mummy', and she tries to draw a paw, but it's all spasticated.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:00, Reply)

This is cunning

Cats are know to be particularly poor artists
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:03, Reply)

But my cat is a gay
and everyone knows they're good at art
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:05, Reply)

The gays do love the creative arts it's true

(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Maybe he is going through
a Picasso phase?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:06, Reply)

Ha!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Bless
Myself and a few friends once accidentally gate-crashed a wake for a pet pig (seriously!) and on the way back to our campsite passed a house with a big banner saying, "To Porky (or somesuch), I'll miss you forever. Love, your best mate, Bonzo the dog", with a muddy pawprint underprint. I almost welled up!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:03, Reply)

By wake do you mean BBQ?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:05, Reply)

How could you
Bonzo is a vegetarian
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:05, Reply)

That'll be why he's all shakey

I saw a Californina woman who brought up her dogs as vegans...un-fucking-believable.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

Haha, no.
We were holed up in the hotel bar in this village, getting a bit loud and obnoxious to be honest. Not really sensing the atmosphere, we just wondered why they'd failed to call last orders since eleven and it was half-one before they did.

I asked why and they said, "Oh, it's a wake". We were gutted, we thought we'd just destroyed the send off for someone's Gran! It was only when we asked who died the barman told us that it was someone's pig.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:09, Reply)

This is both simultaneously wonderfully touching and yet utterly hilarious!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:05, Reply)

do you, by any chance, live in Alabama?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:06, Reply)

That would maybe explain it.
We were off on a camping weekend to Runswick Bay near Whitby.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:10, Reply)