My wife bought an american style fridge on ebay
and was very pleased with herself for paying less than half the retail price. 3 months later the freezer no longer freezes and because it was an auction there's no warranty. I clearly remember saying "Don't buy a fridge on ebay you get what you pay for" she thinks I told her to buy it so now its all my fault.

so my question is.... If I leave her do I still have to pay half the mortgage? I can't afford to pay for two places and pay maintenance.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:03, 111 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does she have life insurance?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:04, Reply)

yup
200k
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I know someone who'll go 1 to 4 with you on that.
No questions asked, make it look like an accident, or an horrific random murder. I'm from the internet, so it'll be hard to track it down. It's up to you, she can eaither not feel a thing, or go through the kind of pain that lasts. Completely up to you, gaz me if you're interested.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Okie deal
she'll be walking down that alley down the road an on the left from your place at 11pm tonight. Make it painful and there's a bonus in it for you.

*edit* shit that was supposed to be a gaz, how do you delete posts ect.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

You gotta give me more time, I need an alibi and some caustic soda.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Scenario...
She is holding fridge whilst you 'repair it'; you accidentally lose grip , lands on wife - brown bread.

Plus you can then claim the fridge on house insurance.

Jackpot!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:24, Reply)

What you want, see, right, yeah', listening? Good.....
Is for two people to admit to the murder, two unconnected people, and then for them to withdraw their statements... "I was confused, never been in nick before, I was scared and wanted to say what I think you wanted to hear", get them diognised first with some sort of mental disorder or something like that, one of those ones where you say things that people want to hear.

Then you cast down some resonable doubt on the both of them, and pocket the differance.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Woooo!
Solves all my problems at once!
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

So you're going to leave her over a broken fridge?

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:06, Reply)

it's the attitude not the item itself
you have a lot to learn
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:07, Reply)

That's true
Me and my girlfriend are yet to buy a fridge, we like to raid our parents' fidges though. Oooh! Chocolate cake! Nom nom nom!
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Too right I am
Today its just a fridge, but what next? a kettle? Then I would be in a world with no tea! Can you imagine a world with no tea? I don't want to live in that world!
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:17, Reply)

what an arse

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:06, Reply)

You're right it is pretty hot
maybe I won't leave her after all.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:46, Reply)

you sign it over to her

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:07, Reply)

What if she won't take my half?

( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:17, Reply)

then she moves out and you take over full payment
if you don't want to do that then you sell
or you can just fix your broken fridge then stick your dick in her arse
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:21, Reply)

What if I she doesn't let me stick my dick in her arse?
Also what if she kicks me out, insists I still pay my half until the house sell but I can't afford it?
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Then tell her if you're paying you're staying
and she's getting a dirty sanchez for being difficult
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Do I get life insurance if
she "kills herself"
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:24, Reply)

hmmm
this might help
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:28, Reply)

well it didn't at all

( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I'm fairly certain that insurance companies do not pay out life insurance policies for the family of those that have commited suicide
Don't quote me on that though...it's something I picked up from "I Know What You Did Last Summer"
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:46, Reply)

murder it is then

( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Kill her and freeze the body...no wait

stay with her until the misery of it all becomes too much and you top yourself just to get back at her and "Steve" from accounts.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Fridges? In Cornwall?
You'll be having toilets indoors next.
*pretends to not be Cornish*
( thealternativefact, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:11, Reply)

You still have some recourse actually.
Ebay or no if you buy something (esp white goods) you don't really need a warranty - there is a vaguely-defined legal 'reasonable' period during which you can expect something to work and can get a refund if it doesn't. By precedent this is generally regarded as at least 3 years. If the fridge was listed as 'new' you should be OK.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Or just slam her fucking head in the door.
You choose.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:14, Reply)

tugnut you fucking swine
if I'd had anything in my mouth it would've gone over the keyboard. as it was I ended up dry-retching with laughter*



*may be a slight exaggeration
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:15, Reply)

So you were not with an alter boy at the time?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:19, Reply)

I was not

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Must have been Monty then.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:39, Reply)

more than likely
in spite of his protests
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Listen you cunts
I am NOT a fucking 'hur-murr' - alright?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Denial!
First sign of gayness I heard.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Other than blowing men.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Blowing men doesn't make you gay
does it?
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:51, Reply)

NOW they tell me!
My brother's mate who did time in Strangeways once told me 'you're not gay unless you say yes'.

Nice
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 18:08, Reply)

'Hurr-murr' 'Mon'
I thought you were turning Jamaican but now fear you are Al in disguise.

*or did you get a Viz annual for Xmas?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:45, Reply)

the evidence doesn't lie

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Nah it was listed as graded
and wasn't buy it now or anything like that so basically we have been told to fuck right off.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Unlucky mon
Looks like Tugnut's got the best plan, then.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Not wanting to sound like an extremist...
...but have you tried having it fixed?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Do you know how hard it is to find an engineer in Cornwall that will even look at an American style fridge?

( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Harder than finding someone without six fingers?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I met a guy today with a small arm with all four fingers but no thumb
and the only word I could think of was Beadle.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:27, Reply)

And...
...I bet he knew fuck-all about fridge repairs.

You should have given him a dead-arm on his good one.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:33, Reply)

You're right.
I asked on the staff email if anyone new anything about killing your wife fixing fridges and got a reply offering to sell me a bed.

Cornish people eh!

I bought the bed as we're kitting out the spare room and it was only 20 quid and is one of those awesome day beds with the slide out second bed underneath.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Don't forget to add the cost of purchasing a new fridge to your
list of things to pay for.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:19, Reply)

You're SO helpful.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Yup
They don't call me Helpful McHelpy for nothing you know!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Fuck it I'm coming to live with you.
The sex will be the same but the company better.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I wouldn't if I were you
My freezer doesn't work either!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I don't need a freezer
Its getting the blame for it that's the problem
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Ah then come on over
You can't get the blame for breaking a freezer that's already broken!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:29, Reply)

See this is why you are the perfect woman
Can I bring the sprog?
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:36, Reply)

How old is the sprog?

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Sick.
Mods!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Quiet you! I'm trying to barter passage to the new world!

( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Oops - sorry dude.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:44, Reply)

nearly 2
and cute as a button
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Cool
That's fine then. I was just checking the age group to see if I would lose access to the PS3 and Xbox...

No sticking toast in the blu-ray player though - that goes for both of you!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Oh fuck it then no deal
I'm not living by stupid rules like that. I'll stick toast where I please when I please.
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Fine its off
I'm taking the Magni-Doodle back to the shops!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I didn't mean it!
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I watched 'Bottom Live' on the fucking telly two nights ago
because I value your opinion and thought perhaps I'd been wrong about it.

Jesus fucking wept it was TERRIBLE. Really, really, really terminally unfunny. I cannot begin to describe how dismal. They were on a desert island and there was a bomb there. It did not get funnier than that - I watched it, stony-faced, until the end, then went to bed in despair.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:49, Reply)

I concur

Also Rick Mayall's sweaty face makes me feel a bit sick
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I've said it before
but the only time that cunt has ever made me laugh was when he came off that fucking quad bike.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Shall I add him to the list Sir?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Good Lord
You mean to say he wasn't on there already? How remiss of me!

Dear oh dear, sometimes I wonder if I'm all there, I really do...

*wanders off polishing half-moon specs on MCC tie*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Lee Evans
does that to me!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Oh he sooooo deserves to die.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Absolutely
1. Norman fucking Wisdom was not in the least bit funny.
2. Evans is even less funny than that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Yeh hooligans island was crap
first one was pretty funny though
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Hahaha
You don't value my opinion, you just want to have a moan, don't cha! ;)

I'm not really a fan of Hooligans Island, my favourite Bottom Live is the second one, where they go to prison. The first two were the best!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Not so. You are very funny.
Your other half is very funny - so I genuinely thought I might be wrong and gave 'Bottom' (oh dear, terrible start) a second go.

You display an infinitely greater dexterity of wit and depth of comedy on a daily basis than those execrable student revue tossers have ever done and they've made a fortune.

I am genuinely baffled as to how they got away with it for so long.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I find it odd how Mayall's characters in Blackadder were so well loved
despite the hideous overacting that spoilt the episodes he was in
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:59, Reply)

YOU CAN SEE INTO MY MIND!
His scenes were so overblown and just plain SHIT compared with the others I have always been mystified by their popularity.

It's just him doing his pitiful one-dimensional act all over again.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:02, Reply)

But with added
WOOOOOOOF!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:06, Reply)

*shakes head sadly*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Hahaha
What have you done with the real Monty? :S

There are a lot of people who don't find Ad and Rik funny, I can understand this, like I can understand why people don't like The League of Gents - its a bit weird and disgusting.

I'm easily amused, I giggle when people say 'bum' so I'll find most things funny. I'll happily sit and laugh at the mindless violence in Bottom as I will sit and laugh at the sharp wit of Stephen Fry... I cannot explain my brain!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:03, Reply)

I never found Bottom all that funny
Bottom Live 3 was amusing when I watched while drunk many years ago, but I think I'll give it a miss now.


What truly truly baffles me is the number of people I know well, the opinions of whom I generally respect, find Gavin and Stacey funny. It is such a piece of shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Yeah see I'm not too sure on that.
I've seen a few bits of episodes and I can't say I'm a fan.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:07, Reply)

'fucking shit' doesn't even come anywhere near AT ALL.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Monty my good man
what are your feelings on Peep Show, and Mitchell and Webb in general?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Superb, excellent and generally tip-top.
Mitchell in particular is precisely my kind of fellow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:15, Reply)

I'd suspected that your response would be along those lines
couldn't agree more
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Peep Show is ace
I have some catching up to do with it though, I have missed out a series somewhere along the lines.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:19, Reply)

I think I may have too
I find it hard to watch because it veers between tear-inducingly funny and knuckle-bitingly embarrassing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Hehe
That's why I like it. I spend most of my time watching it whilst screaming 'no normal human would do that sort of thing'!! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:25, Reply)

me too
it's so well done, and as I have an internal monologue it nicely reflects my life :-)

time to go buy a new cooker!

ciao
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Toodles
and 'good luck' (said in a German accent)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:28, Reply)

The only comedy series I have found funny in the past year or so
is The Inbetweeners - I really think its great, although it does disturb me how very similar some of the characters are to some of my mates I used to go to school with! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I haven't watched it
because I can tell from the adverts that I will hate it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:16, Reply)

You might want to give it a whirl one day
I did think it wasn't my cup of tea by the ads, but I actually really enjoyed it!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:17, Reply)

I may give it a try
my mrs has been watching 90210. I've been trying desperately not to know what is going on, because if that happens I end up watching it all, like I did with Grey's Anatomy (actually quite good) and Desperate Housewives (embarrassing)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:21, Reply)

Hehehe bless
One of my friends is trying to convince me to dedicate some time to watching Gossip Girl... I am trying to avoid it but I fear she is going to win in the end and I'm going to have to borrow the box sets. I blame her for my love of Nip/Tuck - dammit!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:23, Reply)

damnit
I already know too much about 90210. One of the girls in it was in Nip/Tuck
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:24, Reply)

Hehehehe
The thing is it is easy to get hooked on crap tv. DiT tries to avoid it but sometimes he will sit down and ask a few questions, then before I know it he knows character names and who's shagging who etc. Bless.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:27, Reply)

I gave it a couple of minutes
but switched off when I realised that arsehole from the terrible 'We are Klang' was on it. You know, the one who is basically a piss-poor version (piss-poorer?) of Rik Mayall. By the way, calliing yourself 'Rik' makes you a fucking cunt before you've even opened your mouth. cf Rik Waller.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:25, Reply)

Hehe
You are an angry man indeed.

Right I'm oft too, gonna face the Central Line!

See ya pal!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:29, Reply)

it's so fucking ordinary
without fail people ask if it's because it's too welsh, because I went to uni in cardiff.

and I retort, "No, it's not that welsh, Rob Brydon is quite annoying and it's just not fucking funny!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:12, Reply)

I find the Welsh inherently amusing
That show is desperately unamusing DESPITE being Welsh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:19, Reply)

the fat one isn't even welsh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:21, Reply)

He is by far the worst one on it.
Piggy-faced wanker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:26, Reply)

I meant the woman

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Ah I see.
Well that fat bloke needs white-hot pokers in his piggy eyes. In truth being annoyed at his very existence took up so much of the small amount of time I spent watching the show I cannot really remember anyone else.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 17:31, Reply)

have a go yourself,
let it sploo liquidy ice cream and water in a pool, leave a bare wire in it, unscrew the light bulb, and fuck off to the pub.
if, like a woman, she comes in, goes straight to the kitchen to see what mess or lack of dinner she can berate you for, and electrocutes herself, you didn't FORCE her to go in there, didja?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Fuck me its Pete!
Hi Stranger! I guess you know fuck all about fridge as your a graphic designer and no fuck all. Why don't you get a proper job you farking layabout
( Peej, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:44, Reply)

i had a proper job once
proper job moi 'ansome.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:52, Reply)

he's had a fucking good idea though
which you clearly overlooked in your keenness to to belittle him
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 16:58, Reply)