I need a question
or i'm lost
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:08, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

how do you snore?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:10, Reply)

nope
still lost
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Is there anything more boring than reading the original post?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:12, Reply)

reading other posts about people sleeping on other peoples couches

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Ahhh, here we go, a question I can answer
typing it may have been duller. I quite like the little snippits of peoples lives, but if they dont post a question i'm not sure how to respond.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:16, Reply)

This one time I went to the shops, and I had £5.87 on me, it was a lot of money back in those days.
So, this morning I left my flat and crossed the road and walked down it a little bit. Then I stood by Tescos waiting for the automatic doors to open. When they did, I went in, and I found some frankferters and some plastic cheese and some ketchup (I like the hinez one) and some american mustard and some pita bread. Once everything was in my basket with the green handle, I took it to the till, but before I did, I looked around a bit, there was a special offer on red bull, 8 cans for five pounds, but I couldn't afford it and left my Lloyds TSB visa debit card at home, so I didn't buy it. The lady at the counter scanned in the pita bread, plastic cheese, frankferters, ketchup and mustard and told me it came to £5.56, so I handed over her the money, I can't remember what coins I used, but there was enough to cover me. I took my bag of goods with me out the store, walked down the road a little bit, crossed it, used my keycard to get into the downstairs door and used the key to get into my flat. I then cut open the pita bread, put in the plastic cheese, frankferters, some of the american style squeezy mustard, hienz ketchup and some 'onion crisps' that I already had. I put it in the microwave for two minutes and twenty seconds. When it was cooked, I took it to my office where it's cooling down now, and hopefully now I've finished this story, I can eat it, NYOM NYOM.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

that sounds both revolting and delicious at the same time

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

It's amazingly good, but I bet it has 0 nutritional value.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:39, Reply)

see edit
you better have a good reason, somethign to do with crop circles or plagues of honey badgers or some shit.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Leather sofas look nice
I love the chesterfield style, I was a gnats chuff away from buying one but i'm not sure I want a sofa that costs more than my car, I would end up asking people with studs in their jeans not to sit on it.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:23, Reply)

look nice i'll grant you
but i buy pictures because they look nice. i buy sofas so my fat ass can collapse on them whislt intaking twice my daily reccommended calorie intake in front of the tv, and for that purpose they need to be COMFY, not leave a sweat patch in the shape of my asscrack on hot days, and act as a muffler/nasal silencer for my biblical flatulence.
about the ONLY good thing with leather couches is if you experience epic fail; while skinning up, it's easier to recover than off some bobbly velour monstrosity.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:26, Reply)

you need a pre-aged leather sofa. old beaten soft leather is nice
new slippery shiny leather is horrible

the parents of two of my mates have cream leather sofas. they are fucking peasants
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Ugh. How simply ghastly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

they really are
my parents have slightly odd taste, but at least they have taste.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

My old man is a bit of a dandy and a showoff
I was at his house during his second marriage and he came out with 'don't rock back on that chair, dear boy, it's worth more than this house'...

Hyperbole aside, you get the idea.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

haha
gotta love nice furniture. my Ercol coffee table is one of my prized possessions.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:45, Reply)

How utterly beastly!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

There is a stud in my jeans...... yeah', ME !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Ok
I buy leather couches because I fucking hate cows.

Yeah you mooey bastards I'm gonna skin ya and eat ya and turn you into a foot pouf thing
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

YOU ARE GRATE
I have always maintained that even if I was a vegetarian (perish the fucking thought) I would still want chickens to die. Battery farming is brilliant if it makes those beady-eyed, scratchy little fuckers suffer.


I would happily kick them to death with hobnailed boots, unpaid, all day, every day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

that's why i eat kfc
i always hear 'but they are horrible to their chickens'
i'm like 'SOLD!'
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:30, Reply)

good news Mr Boyce
I think we have an unpaid opening in our chicken murdering division
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:31, Reply)

I feel the same way about dogs
The Koreans fucking RULE.

I have a very comfy leather couch, but I also have 2, yes, 2 Ekorness Stressless recliners. These bad boys are the comfiest fuckers in the world, nothing better than going 'stressless' after a hard days b3ta-ing.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:37, Reply)

orly?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'm afraid so, yes.
*laces up steel toecap clodhoppers with relish*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:59, Reply)

It's funny how different people feel about different animals
Kaol keeps rats and loves them. Yesterday morning I beat a rat to death (I used the arm stick from my snowman). It was stuck in the chicken wire winnie the pooh style. I hate rodents, i'm not scared of them, they just disgust me. I dont even like hamsters.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)