couch surfing in my own house.
had a cold for a few days, the gf is a day behind me. she got it worse,poor lass, and as a result, decided the night was the ideal time to perform an unconscious but vigorous re-enactment of the battle of culloden. after two hours of being rolled on, kicked, elbowed, de-quilted, and coughed at in the ear, and countless 'baby, roll over would ya?' and 'you're snoring/coughing/drowning in ectoplasm' i thought discretion to be the better part of valour.

things i have learned from this.
1: the wireless router makes a weird high-pitched whine. like a mosquito on roids.

2: the window the couch is under has a HEROIC draught.

3: no matter HOW tempting it is, when your gf comes down JUST as you're finally dozing off at nearly 3am, to enquire what you're doing on the couch and why don't you come back to bed, do NOT respond with 'what am i doing? sleeping! you know, that thing i was doing before you opened the door, turned the light on and started hassling me'

it will NOT help matters.


fucksocks.


*edit*

why do people buy leather couches? they're either cold, or sweaty. never comfortable?

there you go question-hunters.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:00, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I need a question
or i'm lost
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:08, Reply)

how do you snore?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:10, Reply)

nope
still lost
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Is there anything more boring than reading the original post?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:12, Reply)

reading other posts about people sleeping on other peoples couches

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Ahhh, here we go, a question I can answer
typing it may have been duller. I quite like the little snippits of peoples lives, but if they dont post a question i'm not sure how to respond.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:16, Reply)

This one time I went to the shops, and I had £5.87 on me, it was a lot of money back in those days.
So, this morning I left my flat and crossed the road and walked down it a little bit. Then I stood by Tescos waiting for the automatic doors to open. When they did, I went in, and I found some frankferters and some plastic cheese and some ketchup (I like the hinez one) and some american mustard and some pita bread. Once everything was in my basket with the green handle, I took it to the till, but before I did, I looked around a bit, there was a special offer on red bull, 8 cans for five pounds, but I couldn't afford it and left my Lloyds TSB visa debit card at home, so I didn't buy it. The lady at the counter scanned in the pita bread, plastic cheese, frankferters, ketchup and mustard and told me it came to £5.56, so I handed over her the money, I can't remember what coins I used, but there was enough to cover me. I took my bag of goods with me out the store, walked down the road a little bit, crossed it, used my keycard to get into the downstairs door and used the key to get into my flat. I then cut open the pita bread, put in the plastic cheese, frankferters, some of the american style squeezy mustard, hienz ketchup and some 'onion crisps' that I already had. I put it in the microwave for two minutes and twenty seconds. When it was cooked, I took it to my office where it's cooling down now, and hopefully now I've finished this story, I can eat it, NYOM NYOM.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

that sounds both revolting and delicious at the same time

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

It's amazingly good, but I bet it has 0 nutritional value.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:39, Reply)

see edit
you better have a good reason, somethign to do with crop circles or plagues of honey badgers or some shit.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Leather sofas look nice
I love the chesterfield style, I was a gnats chuff away from buying one but i'm not sure I want a sofa that costs more than my car, I would end up asking people with studs in their jeans not to sit on it.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:23, Reply)

look nice i'll grant you
but i buy pictures because they look nice. i buy sofas so my fat ass can collapse on them whislt intaking twice my daily reccommended calorie intake in front of the tv, and for that purpose they need to be COMFY, not leave a sweat patch in the shape of my asscrack on hot days, and act as a muffler/nasal silencer for my biblical flatulence.
about the ONLY good thing with leather couches is if you experience epic fail; while skinning up, it's easier to recover than off some bobbly velour monstrosity.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:26, Reply)

you need a pre-aged leather sofa. old beaten soft leather is nice
new slippery shiny leather is horrible

the parents of two of my mates have cream leather sofas. they are fucking peasants
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Ugh. How simply ghastly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

they really are
my parents have slightly odd taste, but at least they have taste.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

My old man is a bit of a dandy and a showoff
I was at his house during his second marriage and he came out with 'don't rock back on that chair, dear boy, it's worth more than this house'...

Hyperbole aside, you get the idea.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

haha
gotta love nice furniture. my Ercol coffee table is one of my prized possessions.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:45, Reply)

How utterly beastly!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

There is a stud in my jeans...... yeah', ME !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Ok
I buy leather couches because I fucking hate cows.

Yeah you mooey bastards I'm gonna skin ya and eat ya and turn you into a foot pouf thing
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

YOU ARE GRATE
I have always maintained that even if I was a vegetarian (perish the fucking thought) I would still want chickens to die. Battery farming is brilliant if it makes those beady-eyed, scratchy little fuckers suffer.


I would happily kick them to death with hobnailed boots, unpaid, all day, every day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

that's why i eat kfc
i always hear 'but they are horrible to their chickens'
i'm like 'SOLD!'
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:30, Reply)

good news Mr Boyce
I think we have an unpaid opening in our chicken murdering division
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:31, Reply)

I feel the same way about dogs
The Koreans fucking RULE.

I have a very comfy leather couch, but I also have 2, yes, 2 Ekorness Stressless recliners. These bad boys are the comfiest fuckers in the world, nothing better than going 'stressless' after a hard days b3ta-ing.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:37, Reply)

orly?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'm afraid so, yes.
*laces up steel toecap clodhoppers with relish*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:59, Reply)

It's funny how different people feel about different animals
Kaol keeps rats and loves them. Yesterday morning I beat a rat to death (I used the arm stick from my snowman). It was stuck in the chicken wire winnie the pooh style. I hate rodents, i'm not scared of them, they just disgust me. I dont even like hamsters.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Because they're pikey scum with no taste

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:21, Reply)

what if said pikey scum
is a henleyite with a bloated six figure salary?
what then?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Money can't buy class dear boy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:28, Reply)

this i know
he alas does not.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:29, Reply)

You are so, so right .

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Quick FYI to all and sundry

the word you are looking for is sofa, not couch. Also the sofa resides in your living room not your lounge.

*shudders*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:39, Reply)

settee
lounge
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Bastard

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:41, Reply)

worst of all: 'serviette'
I really cannot stand such vulgarity.


EDIT: it is however 'sitting room', not 'living room', you ghastly oik.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

heh
I'm so common that 'afters' was what posh people called 'pudding'
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Do you call lunch dinner and supper tea?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

yes

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Do you drink tea with meals,

have pansies in your front garden and call your grandmother nana?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

yes
have no front garden

gran and nanna (pronounced nan-nar, I don't know if that's worse or better)

snob!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Winding you up...
all my grandparents are dead, I can't call them anything
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Double bastard

I may also take issue with the word toilet
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

bog

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:45, Reply)

You would be entirely correct so to do.
It is clearly 'lavatory'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)

it's called a dunny.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

double U See
or shithouse

lavatory paper is called shit tickets.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:00, Reply)

That makes me feel slightly sick, for some reason

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:03, Reply)

excellent
I love a good using the facilities phrase

draining the lizard for example. or pinching a loaf.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)

My favourites are
I'm off to 'strangle a darkie' or 'shake hands with the unemployed'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:06, Reply)

siphon the python is a favourite
and ride the porcelain bus
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:07, Reply)

drop the jackson five off at the pool

lay a cable

crimp off a length
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Leather couches are the best option if you have a cat.
I'm used to them as my mother will only have leather.
I do like going to other epople's houses and curling up on a shabby cloth couth.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Your usually excellent spelling seemed to have died, old stick.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:52, Reply)

HA!
What the bleeding hell happened there!

Wonder what a cloth couth is? If you can be uncouth, can you be couth?
With this in mind, is a cloth couth a doll that teaches grace and manners to pre-schoolers?

What do other epople htink?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:04, Reply)

couth is something you have I believe
rather than what you are.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:06, Reply)

So why does my grandad say "Sheila, don't look at her, she's uncouth!"
when Tina Turner is on television?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:11, Reply)

it's a weird one
you can be uncouth, but not couth.

I might be entirely wrong
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:15, Reply)

you are indeed
at least, according to dictionary.com

it is the opposite of uncouth, to have good manners, or sophistication
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:54, Reply)

I'm not sure what to 'htink'
I think you should ask some other 'epople'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:07, Reply)

You know I did that on purpose :(

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I don't know any more.
You've changed, Roota.

*shakes head sadly*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I used the exact spelling as the previous post.
I can be impeccable again, I promise!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I bought leather sofas because they are wipe clean.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Not because they are best for a cat as above?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I don't like cats. People who own cats are emotionally stunted, especially if they live alone.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Hi, I'm Roota...
and I'm buying your baby a drumkit for Christmas.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:42, Reply)

PROOF!!!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:43, Reply)

*rings Crazy George's and asks if they do four-post beds for cats. On HP*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:45, Reply)

This too
Much less mess.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I bloody love leather couches.
Especially really old, beaten up ones. I also like the creaking sound that a leather couch makes when you sit on it.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 12:48, Reply)