Bono and Sting compound agony.
It didn't take long for Bono, Sting and a full roster of bandwagon jumping fucko's to 'rally round' and help the poor Haitians in their moment of need. Obviously they will be doing it for fuck all, their profiles won't be raised, no profitable merchandise will be sold on the back of it AND there won't be any diva-esque/expensive backstage demands when the day eventually comes.

What rips my knitting, is that these CUNTS could get up, walk over to their fucking cheque books and write a cheque for more than thier self congratulatory concert could ever raise.

I'm not denying the Haitian people the aid they so desperately need, but you know what, they needed just as much aid before their was an earthquake. However, unless you are in 'televised' abject pain and misery then you qualify for exactly, fuck all.

I expect Bono had his people, 'on the ground', in Haiti even before the Red Cross got there, scoping out the desperation, gauging the heartache and horror, calculating the amount of positive publicity that could be manufactured. Evidently it was enough, enough to get the potato headed CUNT out of his bed and bestow his prowess to help the poor dusty darkies.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:36, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I heard
Bono has already bought a plane ticket for his hat to go out and assess the situation.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:40, Reply)

I heard
he's a 4 foot paddy with a micropenis.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:41, Reply)

South Park have it right
Bono is in reality an enormous turd
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:43, Reply)

I bet he takes a shit
with those fucking shades on. Or perhaps he has a pair he wears specially for the purpose of evacuating his bowels. Then again, is he even subject to the normal laws of biology?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I want to know what they're going to call it.
Hait Aid, perhaps? Quake Aid?

The 'dust yourself down and pick yourself up concert of shining hope'?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:41, Reply)

hahahahah
Your sig just made me spit coke across my keyboard
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:44, Reply)

ONLY YOU KNOW!!!!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Quake Aid
Oh man, I always prefered Half Life.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Hopefully this will be a good opportunity for Christian missionaries
to do away with that evil Voodoo practice once and for all. This is obviously God's vengeance for this fellow being allowed free reign:

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:46, Reply)

If you fly with the Devil, you die with the Devil
Surely they should have known this, bloody zombeh lovers.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:48, Reply)

mind you, there's a golden opportunity for Bowie and Jagger to get together to do a new charidee single.
Shaking All Over is ripe for a cover version.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Ha!
or 'I get knocked down, but I get up....hang on, no I don't, sorry, my mistake'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Or "Haiti's Falling"
to the tune of the Clash's London's Calling
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Rubble in the Jungle by the Fugees.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Or 'All Shook Up'.
Shake Rattle and Roll.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I can`t stand up for fallin` down?

(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Crush by Jennifer Paige.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I Predict a Riot.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:03, Reply)

This ole house is gettin' shaky
This ole house is gettin' old
This ole house lets in the rain
This ole house lets in the cold
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:04, Reply)

someone's been at the rockabilly this morning....
(not that I don't completely approve, you understand)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Yup Mick Green died last week
very appropriate.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Would you go and see Sting?
The lute twanging, self important twunt.

No.

Would you go and see the Police.

Yes.

Sting, learn from this.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:56, Reply)

^this

(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

You've made a terrible mistake here.
Unless you meant 'would I go to see The Police suffering 72 hours of brutal torture at the hands of Cambodian psychopaths', in which case, I concede, the answer is 'yes'.

Sting's ghastly cod-Jamaican singing is the modern day equivalent of Al fucking Jolson or Jim Davidson's mate 'Chalky'. How the tosspot wasn't pilloried from day one is up there with the Marie Celeste if you ask me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:59, Reply)

How can you not love
the nasal whines of Rhhhooooooooxxxaaaaahhhhhhnnnnnne
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:00, Reply)

He should have blacked up like Dan Akroyd in Trading Places
and be done with it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Boo
bouya-boo-bouya-boo-bouya-boo-haw!
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I know how to get you out of the woodwork, every time.
Good morning to you sir!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Greetings sire
but how dare you take me away from my lurking.
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Well, I agree about the Cambodians
But not the music, for reasons I am totally unqualified to back up.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Andy Summers should have known better
He was in Dantalion's Chariot in the 60s, they were superb. How he ended up in a band with that fucking ANUS I do not know.

My favourite Police anecdote concerns their final tour before they broke up: apparently the only way Stuart Copeland could force himself onto the stage every night was to have a picture of Sting's face taped onto his snare drum, so he could bash his face in with a piece of wood throughout their show. Marvellous.

Also - calling yourself 'Sting' because you used to wear a yellow and black striped jumper all the time makes you a total cunt - not a 'character'. Plus, change your fucking jumper more often, you smelly turd.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:11, Reply)

excellent stuff

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Stop Press
Monty does not like Sting.

Now calm down and drink your Horlicks.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:17, Reply)

He's a fucking spastic.
I was filled with delight when I read that his accountant had stolen millions of pounds from him.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I'm going to keep replying until your head explodes
In a fountain of yellow and black striped bile.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:27, Reply)

'Every Breath He Takes'
...is a theft of perfectly decent oxygen that could have gone to a more deserving recipient, say, in Haiti, and I think the people of the world should demand it all back, immediately, with interest, along with a handwritten apology to the Jamaican people.

In short, hang the bounder.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:34, Reply)

He was teacher, so his hand writing is probably first class
Its just the content that is drivel.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Damned by the very faintest of praise, there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Oh fuck it, I agree with you
and did from the start.

I've really got to do some work today. Important drawings for AWE. Those bombs don't build themselves you know.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I haven't had to wheel this one out for a while...


Superb rant, by the way. Your spirited blending of piss and vinegar has dispelled my morning grump. I thank you from the bottom of my bile ducts.

EDIT: Don't know how true this is, but I thought I'd heard on the news that Médecins Sans Frontières couldn't land in Port-au-Prince and had to divert to another airport because a load of well-wishing foreign dignitaries and 'celebrities' were clogging up the runway in the capital.

If it's true, then it sounds like international aid was diverted for Bono's hat.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:01, Reply)

haha - it's like seeing an old friend again

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:04, Reply)

International Aid Diverted for Bono's Hat
imaginary headline of the day!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I heard they were upset by the yanks running the airport
Something about colonialism or something.

Which the french have never dabbled in.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:15, Reply)

"sting" is still a "gordon" by birth.
As Graham Fellows in his jilted John persona pointed out " Gordon is a moron!"

I rest me case m`lud
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Yeah', fuck it, better they do absolutly nothing at all and don't help anyone in any shape or form.
What I don't get, for a country that has the perfect growing conditions (volcanic soil, tropical climate), how can 'mud cakes' be a national dish?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Look at India.
Their natural resources are simply staggering - yet most of them live on a bowl of rice or dal a day. How? Total and utter corruption cf Rhodesia, sorry, the wonderful utopia that is Zimbabwe.

Wasn't as bad under colonial rule. This is a non-PC observation but cold, hard fact (and before I get carted off for this viewpoint I did study this for three years).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I recommend
everyone read The Undercover Economist. Written in plain English and entertaining, there's a chapter on Cameroon (an example struggling country) and about why it's in the poverty it is.

There's a lot of political establishment figures in this country on the gravy train but it could be a lot worse.
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:22, Reply)

It's not just a non-pc observation, it's a stupid one.
If I wasn't so busy today I'd have a field day in this thread.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:30, Reply)

You clearly know more than several senior lecturers at SOAS, then.
As well as the head of South Asian Studies at North London University.

You've obviously read more than these internationally-respected experts with their decades of specialist study, and therefore I bow before your mastery of this complex subject.

I only studied the British in India for just the three years - unlike you, so what do I know, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:38, Reply)

PS....(!)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I didn't read anything after "north london university"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:58, Reply)

It's that attention to detail that has helped you gain your expertise, I expect.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

And anyway, dispite how much he's worth, if we put it down into percentages and time spent helping out people, they both probably do more than all of us lot.
But don't let that stop a good rant.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Bono has done far more damage than he has done to help people
Vertigo alone erases every good deed he has done
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:20, Reply)

The man is an unelected tool
who wants to go around the world telling governments how to do things! If he was an academic I could understand it but he's just the front man of a piss poor band.
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I think someone who is good at writing games
should make a "Whack-A-Bono" game.

With a timmy mallet mallet.

And occassionaly Brian Blessed will pop up and if you hit him he bellows "DIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE" and you lose 10 points.

Best game ever right there. Best game ever...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Yes.
More of this sort of thing. Anyone here any good at writing Flash games?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

He's just a Bono, he's just a bono, he's just a bonno, he's just a bono - U2's bono !
to the tune of Rascal by Dizzee Rascal.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I'm currently listening to Gallows

I think Thney would do a lovely charity song on this subject.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:27, Reply)

"If i offer to buy you a drink
Trust me when i say it's non-alcoholic
I want you to wake up and remember my name
When you're washing my cum off your fucking face"

I concur absolutely.
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:40, Reply)

*does not accept offer of drink from djtrial price*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I'm now thinking about the b3tans I've bought drinks for
Hmmmm, I'm fairly sure I got PJM one. Possibly bill or wookie. I think offered to get beckyjsbx one but she turned me down :(
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 11:08, Reply)

This is a stupid opinion,
I've heard it loads, I revoke your rights to an opinion for 48 hours.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:27, Reply)

People on here always like to bring down the poor music artist SLASH humanitarian, just because they don't like good music.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

you don't hate Bono enough

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

On the scale of cuntishness
I have evaluated Bono and given him "weapons grade" cunt status. This is a move up the scale from his previous position of "ocean going" cunt status.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

so "weaponised wankery" (c ) is appropriate to use as a term for the behaviour of both of these nanowits?
The prat in the hat and the wantric tanker.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Wyclef - saviour of the people.
Yet another cunt...

www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0114102wyclef1.html
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I never did trust that Cornish detective

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Arf arf!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 12:17, Reply)