"Dear IT
I have noticed that my email signature is spelt wrongly. Please could the words 'International Companies' be changed to 'International Company's' with immediate effect? Although I have only just noticed this, since we're unable to modify our own email signatures now, I can only assume that this has been going out to clients since you made that change. This is utterly unacceptable and so can this please be treated with the utmost urgency?

Regards etc"

All is woe. All of it. If I wanted to teach people grammar, I'd become an English teacher.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:25, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you wanted to teach people grammar

you'd be Monty
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I don't wish to 'teach' grammar, merely 'share' it....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Arrgh

Stop posting at the same time as me!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:31, Reply)

your an grammer nazi
*hails*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:31, Reply)

My Grammar Gestapo are feared throughout the land.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:32, Reply)

VE HAF VAYS OF MAKING YOU USE ZE SEMI-COLON CORRECTLY

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I have been known
to use a semi-colon in a text message. It's a much neglected punctuation character, in my opinion.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I love the semi colon;
I like to use it frequently.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I'll semi your colon
*insert Sid James picture here*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:09, Reply)

ZERE EST AH PAHS ERAHH: PAHS ERAHH IN "zee cohLON zlash servah slash develohpmhunt slash vile doht pee haych peh" on line ZIX !
I started writing this, then walked away to do something, and can't remember why I wrote it now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Gaz me their email address.
I am more than happy to deal with this for you.


'Dear Witless Cretin,

It has been brought to my attention that you are a blithering Scoper.' etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

See ^^
He can smell bad grammar through his moniter and then track down the post with extreme prejudice.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:30, Reply)

A Grammar Hound perhaps
Doe eyed and passive one minute, a snarling ball of muscle and sinew the next.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:34, Reply)

"Dear Witless Cretin"
is the best opening to a letter I have ever seen
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Copy and paste some of this:
b3ta.com/questions/shitstories2/post136317
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:39, Reply)

And you are, what we would call in the IT Trade, "A fucking prick".
No need to be sarcy to them, if it was me, I would leave your request right at the bottom of the pile.

Right, you can spell and do grammar properly, well done you. They, on the other hand, can configure and install your workstation, the servers that you use and fix when your printer won't work. They can hook up your mobile phone to your emails, balance loads on servers if you're in a big company, maybe even co-locate your companies entire data-stream. They can fix the accounts systems that pay your wage too.

Without knowing what you do in your company, if you're being sarcy over spellings to someone who's highly skilled, I'd say you're woefully inadequate to even begin to comment.

But well done on you, on getting that "2:2... I would have gotten a first if I didn't experiment in illicit substances, seriously, I would have gotten a first, defiantly, I was lined up to a first, got a B in my English GCSE" that you're so proud of.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Well, seeing as he's received an email addressed to 'IT'
my guess is that he works in 'IT' - and is therefore one of the wonder-wizards you've just blathered on about.

You are a lovely fellow but this particular rant appears to me to somewhat misconceived.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I read it as an email he's written to IT, because if he was _in_ IT, he wouldn't be teaching anyone english, he would just correct the mistake.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

He wrote that
because he feels that, because the person who wrote the email to him has made such a stupid mistake, they should be taught about grammar and how to apply it?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Oh, bugger.
My rants would be a lot more impressive if I wasn't slightly mentally retarded.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

have to agree with Monty here
sounds like the OP is an IT guy, and some moron has contacted him to get him to change his signature from something correct to something wrong
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

But the OP says
If I wanted to teach people grammar suggesting he is teaching the IT guy how to correctly use the English language.

Gonz your post is surprisingly well written, are you employing mexicans to write your posts?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:39, Reply)

No - he IS the IT guy.
Some tosser has sent him an email requesting he change his automated signature to something incorrect. He doesn't wish to have to correct him - he's an IT chappie, not a grammar teacher.

Christ on a bike, this really isn't that complicated, is it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

hahaha
Oh Monty, I could easily pass the day away flicking tasty bait into the sea of B3ta and waiting for you to bite
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

You are No.1 AICMFP
www.cracked.com/funny-3809-internet-argument-techniques/
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Or am I?
Or are you really just a looser? ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Yes. Yes you are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Oh, so the request made is actually wrong, and the origional was right?
In that case, I was wrong, he's not the fucking prick, the person who sent it was, and the rest of the rant still stands but the recipient of the rant has changed.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:45, Reply)

And if that was the case, the iriony of me (or anyone) misinterparting it is not lost on me.
As the prime objective of communication is to put across a message or point. For someone to misinterpret that message, then the objective has not being successfully completed, and as such, the message should be reworded or explained in order to complete the prime objective.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

*ring ring*
Hi Gonz? Yeah this is Kettle, you're black
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

*high fives*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Thing is though, the vast vast vast majority of the time, people get the message I'm putting across.
Don't harsh my buzz with all your The Man rules.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Do not interefere with the development of pre-warp cultures?
What's that got to do with anything?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Oh Wookie, if you were a chick, i'd totally come onto you.
... but if you were a chick, you'd totally put me down.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:54, Reply)

as he is a dude
he might not turn you down...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:55, Reply)

You've missed the mark
by about a mile, but thanks for playing.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I'm sorry about my esteemed colleagues here.
I think they've been at the Buckfast.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

So how come some IT people are also pricks (and arrogant bastards)?
I certainly respect the people (or should I say IT gods) who can set up, operate, and fix computers, servers, etc. However, why do they think I'm a stupid fuck because I know shit all about keeping up to date on computers? (I'm not saying I'm not a dumb fuck, but it has nothing to do with computer skills).

I realized about 15 years ago that I could either keep up with computers or with the science I work in and still have a real home life. Fuck it; I am a scientific geek not a computer geek. Why does this make me stupid in minds of some geeks? I can and do run computer models and actually used to write portions of them in fortran with cards (I am showing my age), but why should I do that now (not cards or fortran anymore) when I can buy much better 3-D flow models with pre and post processors that let me focus on the problem instead of the methods to program the computer to run the model?

It’s probably really stupid to post this here but I did say I’m a dumb fuck!
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:00, Reply)

what sort of models do you use?
hydraulic stuff? I use 1 and 2D stuff for flood mapping and things.

I agree with you though. Being good with computers isn't all that hard, it's just that unless it's your job it's unlikely you will have time or opportunity to keep up with it even if you want to, so there is no reason to be so harsh on users.

That said, our IT department are so unbelievably shit that I fix more things for people than they do.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)

3D groundwater flow models
Generally the McDonald-Harbaugh modflow with contaminant transport modules. It's a good research tool, but less applicable in the real world than people thought because we can never get enough subsurface data to accurately represent the system. There are just too many heterogeneities. (Good for water supply models as averaging is necessary in those applications).

Some scientists are also pricks though (but not geologists).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I've only used very basic small scale things for groundwater
and not very often. That's the trouble with modelling, it'd be much more accurate to just measure what is actually happening...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Exactly. We are getting away from modeling in many cases and going for real world measurememts/.
I'm involved in a group that is going to be publishing a document on mass flux measurements (ways to do it and how to use the data). If you are interested I'll email you a copy in March when the final copy should be out.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Dunno
How come some scientists are pricks, I guess? You'll find them everywhere.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:06, Reply)

that gets to the crux of the matter
most people are stupid and act like pricks.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:08, Reply)

This is so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Except for geologists.
None of us are pricks. We are all very nice. Maybe it's because we are the only alcohol based life form.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:13, Reply)

it is funny
I have known a lot of geologists and geology students, and every one of them has been a decent person.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:14, Reply)

You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.

Not only are you handsome, but you are also powerful.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I had to doa Gelogy module at Uni

and no word of a lie it was incredibly boring, but as with most things I was taught in my educational career I believe this had more to do with the curriculum and the teacher/lecturer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Boring!!!! Sacrilege!!!!

We will send you to re-education camp.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:41, Reply)

There are many colours in the XKCD rainbow.
IT Geeks who look down on computer illiterate people deserve to the be the social retards they are. Aside anything, they're their main source of income.

I suppose there is a bit of a geek food-chain.

As a web developer/designer, I get looked down upon by Linux geeks. I can't do any command-line stuff and need a GUI to do things like create directorys or run MySQL stuff.

But I look down on those 'web developers' who only know HTML and even for that, need a GUI for it, and can't read what I would call standard code. I also look down on IT people who can't do much more than install programs.

But at the end of the day, most of us all need each other. When I did that rant, I was under the impression that he was giving gramma lessons to an IT guy in a sarcastic way, which I thought was a bit shit.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Someone should build a chart for this.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I find IT people can NEVER

fix printers, although I blame Canon et al for that really
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I fucking hate printers.
They make no logical sense and I don't care what anyone says.

/irrational blog
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:32, Reply)

totally agree
we have a Xerox multi-function thing at work. If it worked correctly it would take over the world. Fortunately it is next to useless.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I look down on you all in IT world because I've had to teach you and it made me weep with frustration.
But computer vision and cryptography researchers look down on me because they think computer graphics is fluffy. But does the rendering Equation look fluffy to you? Does it? No. t's got greek letters in it therefore it's hard, okay?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:41, Reply)