Well I had a fucking brilliant weekend.
I had steaks'n'drugs'n'rock'n'roll with an old pal on Friday night, slept pretty much all Saturday, had 5 blissful hours with my daughter yesterday, then went to the pub and got pissed. It were reet champion.

Beat THAT, suckahs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:17, 83 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

played a cracking gig on friday night
despite having all manner of problems at first. Couldn't get the double bass to work through the PA without unbearable crackles and pops, so our bassist had to use an ordinary bass. I almost broke the door to his van, and managed to hit myself in the kneecap with my amp. Then our back drop fell down on our drummer.

Gig was a blinder though. great audience, and we played rather well.

Finished at 1am, and went and sucked down a bunch of spliffs in quick succession.

Did fuck all for the rest of the weekend, other than visit my parents briefly. Went to the pub, played some games, hung out with my mates, got stoned, cooked delicious roast duck with plum sauce. Watched Sherlock Holmes.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Are you Mr fucking Bean all of a sudden!
Is Slapstick of the Week still open?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Sounds like a cracker
Is Holmes shit?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:26, Reply)

it's not shit
it's entertaining. a no brainer. robert downey jr does a fine english accent and makes a fairly decent holmes.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:47, Reply)

He was a pretty decent Charlie Chaplin

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:48, Reply)

So what you're saying is
The pub guy was right and you were wrong, vis a vis going on so late?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:56, Reply)

no
because most people had still left. they were a good audience, but they weren't a large one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I can't
But I was contented in my own way.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:23, Reply)

how is that massager working out for you?
;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Haha, it's superb
I took it to my mum's yesterday and did the whole family (ooh-er). They made wrong noises. I honestly wish I'd filmed it. My mentally unstable aunty was giving us a factual commentary, "Yes, I think the vibrations are penetrating my kidneys... I think there's something happening in my lungs..."
And my mum was like Baloo on the scratchy tree.
Then I had to do an impersonation of a receptionist at a brothel and my dad objected to me saying "Take an anti-bacterial wipe on your way out, madam" to my nana.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Haha
Talking of wrong noises I fed my daughter baked beans for lunch yesterday, and within 20 minutes she was parping out some top-quality farts, and pissing herself laughing every time she let rip. It was strangely endearing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Aw that's dead cute.
That's how me and my uncle bonded.
He started courting my aunty and they'd babysit me, and he didn't know what to say to me, I was only four and he wasn't fussy on kids.
Then I started letting them out, noises and smells he couldn't believe cam from something so small and innocent. We were buddies after that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Unbelievable as it may sound
yesterday was the first time I was "trusted" to feed and change my daughter on my own. She will be two in July.

How fucking pathetic is that?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Oh for god's sake
What were you gonna do?
Put her nappy on her head and leave her alone with a bag of gob-stoppers?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:49, Reply)

leave her rolling around in her own shit and force-feed her LSD, I think.
It's fucking insulting.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Oh dear
I'm sure you coped admirably. Did your handywork get the once over on her return?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Rigorous scrutiny was applied.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Hahaha
I can only assume you scraped a pass, regardless of velcro management and judicial bib usage.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I wonder how long it will be
before her mother finds out I crapped in her wardrobe.



I so wish this was not a joke.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I think we need clarification here Monty.

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I wish I'd crapped in her wardrobe
but I didn't, for it was merely a joke.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Shame
I was kind of hoping for some degenerated dirty protest type situation. Having a dog in the house would make this sort of 'accident' a bit more believable. As long as you took your toilet roll away from the scene of the crime.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I wish to God I'd done it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Made profiteroles from scratch with daughter on Saturday
and walked eight and a quarter miles with my folks yesterday. It's so soggy out there it was fucking hard work.

I had a go at the origami cock at the weekend. This is what I made, swiftly followed by this.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:25, Reply)

is that an origami cock in your mouth, you filthy deviant?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:27, Reply)

*schlurp*
It's fucking impossible. I got so frustrated I gnawed on the bloody thing, while taking photos of course.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Hahahahaha!
Origami fail.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Have you had a go yet?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Erm.....no.
But I hope to finish up with something resembling a cock.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:37, Reply)

The second picture looks like a puma

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:31, Reply)

I'll congratulate my dentist on your behalf.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Not your fucking teeth you crank!
The paper!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I lost at Risk

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Be a winner in the Ga-aaame of Life

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:34, Reply)

That is a game for winners

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:55, Reply)

See my post below for my first half of Friday night
After that fucking nonsense...i came home and sparked a bottle of vino. The wife and kids were down at her sisters, and after initial 5 minutes of loneliness, I suddenly realised....I had the house to myself, on a Friday night...

GET THE TUNES ON

Ended up oscillating about the place, a few reefers and ended up watching that new Brian Eno Arena documentary. Really good, but he said something amazingly telling and cynical. Whereby he was explaining how at one point he was producing U2 and Coldplay and as everything was on the one computer he had to be dead careful to label all the files correctly, just in case the songs 'got mixed'. The subtext being, they are so fucking interchangeable, and effectively the same thing, in his eyes, as a producer.

Then the internal conflict begins....can I like the music of a man who priduces these, turdburglars? To a point. His get out of jail free card is always 'An Ending (Ascent)'.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:30, Reply)

I'm suspicious of anyone
who spent years in company of Bryan fucking Ferry and never took the opportunity to beat him to death.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Bryan Ferry is indeed a crooning, mong worrier,
but it was a really well put together documentary though, regardless of subject matter.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I had a blinder
Although I'm an idiot because I have a shitload to sort today and I'm about to hit the sack. Been up since Saturday afternoon. I've also got viewings at two flats sorted so with any luck I can tell the accommodation people in these halls to get stuffed and be out of here in the next couple of days. Will have to sneak out at the dead of night though because I owe them two bags.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Yerse, I hope the flat things works out
Get away from the knobs
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I can't beat THAT
but I did have a good weekend. I had a proper girlie night on Friday which involved lovely girlies staying over, vast consumption of pizza and sweeties, pjs, dodgy films and a documentary about The Worlds Biggest Penis… turns out his name was Steve or something. Saturday involved bacon, power naps and Chinese food and Sunday involved losing the footie and a scary sugar crash.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:40, Reply)

That sounds like a roller coaster of a weekend...
So that bloke called Jonah isn't the one with the biggest penis anymore?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Ah he was possible on there too
13.5 inches or something - he was scary looking in the face department though.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Didn't like his attitude either

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:51, Reply)

When you've got the biggest dick in the world you're not going to give a shit what people think of your attitude.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

You should if you're an uggo
in metallic leather trousers I might add.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:25, Reply)

^ this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I went to a party in Manchester on Saturday evening.
The party was OK but the travelling there and back afterwards was a nightmare.

I spent at least and hour and a half trying to find the place and when I left to drive back to Todmorden it was dense fog which left me completely dissoriantated and I had no idea where on the ring road around Manchester I was.

I managed to drive the wrong way up a one way street in the city centre and also spent about five minutes driving with my lights off until some nice lady in another car managed to inform me by gesturing wildly.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I would have abandoned the car and phoned my dad
It's a good job I can't drive.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:46, Reply)

How I didn't have an accident is beyond me.
There will be talk today amongst the Mancunians about a strange green BMW that drove around North Manchester on Saturday evening, behaving erratically and generally being a complete knob.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:05, Reply)

'Big Mental Woman'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:46, Reply)

It was alright, truth be told.
Unlocked a med pack for my avatar on Left 4 Dead 2, and I found out thorntons chocolate cures hangovers.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Aww I bloody love Left For Dead 2.
I’ve recently been recruited into the ‘team’ by my friends so we play big campaigns online, there’s something quite therapeutic about smashing zombie heads with a baseball bat.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Sorry, I thought you were an adult.
*flicks the V's*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I am
I'm an adult with a passion for shooting zombies in the face. Ha!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Don't worry, the generation of people that don't understand computer games will be dead soon.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:59, Reply)

^This

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Yeah
You're right, all the gamers will kill them!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Because we're desensitised to violence,
that and we know how to clear rooms, when to reload and the correct tactical situations to use grenades.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Of course!
Don't forget the Hammer of Dawn.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Yeah.
They'll kill them with their Level 9 War Axes.


*quakes in fucking boots*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Monty my dear chap
you really need to have a go on one of the recent Grand Theft Auto games. Then your whole attitude will change.

Last time I started playing, literally the very first thing I did was stroll out of my house and beat a hooker to death with my fists, then steal her money.

I know that you would benefit from doing that sort of thing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I don't need computer games to discipline my hoes, yo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Wow
You have boots specifically for fucking?You dandy sombitch!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Yes, because all gamers play nothing but RPGs.
OMG, Stereotypes, on the internet!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I've heard there are other ones
where you can pretend to be playing sports!

Wi-cked!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I prefer the games where you shoot people in the face
*BOOM*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:23, Reply)

flim-flam my dear
you seem to be quite close to the perfect woman
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Whythankyou
Although when the zombie apocalypse arrives call DiT first, he’s better than me! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I'm not going to be able to repopulate the planet in my own image with DiT...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Skillz!
But I'm pretty sure there aren't any baseball bat melée weapons. There's a cricket stick though.

The Spang! Of the frying pan is massively amusing though! I need more online action, feel free to send me a FR, my tag is monders360

edit - there is well a baseball bat, I'm just being a monday mong.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:07, Reply)

There is a baseball bat.
Chainsaw's best, though.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Dur
Ohhhh Yeah! I got my wires crossed, my sincerest apologies. Not used it for a while and forgot about it! It's all about the katana and the axe for me. Hiiiiiya.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Its fun
I'm at a better level than I was previously too. I can actually kill hunters and boomers and things now... rather than keep accidentally shooting my team-mates in the back.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Niiiice
I always get gang raped off the Special Infected, and it makes me sad :(
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Oh me too,
I get got by those Jockey things quite frequently, but when other people get attacked I seem to be able to help them as well! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:43, Reply)

They're horrid
They remind me of paedophiles.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Mon 25 Jan 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I went to see Thrice in Nottingham on Friday and they ruled.
Nottingham itself, however, does not rule.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:55, Reply)

worse for gun crime that London, proportionally, I understand.
My grandmother lives there (I'm not suggesting for a moment that she is responsible for the gun crime).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Rubbish.
I bet she's popped caps in many an ass.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:01, Reply)

she rules N-town with a rod of iron.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Nottingham is ok if you stay on about 3 roads.
and then only on one side of those roads.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 10:01, Reply)

I was planning a quiet weekend.
Got up at 8am for the gym on Saturday, what a healthy bastard.

Watched the German football on Saturday night, a cheeky 1-0 win for Dortmund. Then I got the phonecall.

One of my best mates was having his birthday sesh that very night that I was planning avoiding. Since he called the house and I don't have caller ID I picked up like an idiot.

Needless to say by 6am Sunday morning I was absolutely inebriated and still partying. I'm at work now and so, so tired. Kill me now!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 9:59, Reply)