Where's Flimflam?
I need a large dose of chipperness.....STAT!

I'd even settle for Al calling me a cunt.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:05, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cunt!
Does that work? Maybe just a little?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Nah!
No one can call me a cunt like Al can.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Poo!
It's 2am. Does drunkeness forgiveness forgive me?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Chipperness?
While I don't think that word even exists, I like it nonetheless!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Vroom vroom
*flies through the air on a motorbike*

*loops the loop through a wall of flames*

*lands, dismounts and waves*

Ello! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Yay!
Say something funny.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:33, Reply)

no pressure....
*cracks whip*

PERFORM!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Hehehe
I'm rubbish with jokes, I can only remember two and they came out of a Christmas cracker in 1993! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Erm...
I'm not very good with jokes...

Hmmm...

A man was wheeling himself down the hall of a hospital in his wheelchair, waiting for his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, 'What's the matter?' He said, 'I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right.' The nurse exclaims 'She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?' The man says 'She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!'

Ta dahhh!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:46, Reply)

*ignores*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Hehehe
Don't! Its one of the only jokes I know! The other one involves a man in the forest who comes across a naked lady. He asks if shes game, she says 'sure' and he shoots her!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:52, Reply)

*snigger*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Haha!
I'd have been happy with just a funny word like wibble.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:49, Reply)

en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Eddie_Izzard
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Oh I can do that...
Fandango
Juniper
Catamaran
Marzipan
Shenanigan
Tambourine
Bongo
Banana
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:51, Reply)

JOHOBA!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Hehe
Aloofly
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:57, Reply)

every now and then I imagine Billy Connelly saying "JOHOBA!" quite loud
not sure why
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Hehe
I do that too sometimes. In the voice of Billy Connelly I mainly hear...

'GIANT ANTS ARE EATING MY FACE'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I use jojoba oil
and EVERY morning I look at the bottle and say it in Billy's voice.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:46, Reply)

that is why you are my BFF

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I see those
and raise you 'Acapulco a-go-go'.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Ooooh good one
Wasn't it The Four Tops who sang Going Loco Down in Acapulco? That's a great song! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:00, Reply)

It was
for that wankfest Buster with Phil Collins, who featured prominently in the video in a hideous shirt.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:05, Reply)

That's it
I have never seen Buster - I can only imagine its shit. The movie poster alone looks crap.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I saw the first fifteen minutes a few years after it came out.
It was just wrong.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:14, Reply)

you're right.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:54, Reply)

alright psychochomp

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Yeah good thanks.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

glad to hear it
how is the shoulder btw? fully healed?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Not fully healed but it's in working order.
I can go bowling again without my arm coming off.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:16, Reply)

that is definitely a good thing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I'm no longer speaking to you

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:58, Reply)

He gets that a lot.

( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Indeed
He keeps being mean when I post on QOTW... just because my stories don't contain boobs... bloody fool that he is.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I clicked your story, I just couldn't be bothered to read it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:08, Reply)

You smell

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Oh, well I think you're very pretty and a wonderful human being.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Hmmm...
This is some sort of mind game isn't it. I don't do mind games... I'm going to consider my options while I eat a bagel.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Nope, I'm in a good mood, grab the compliments while you can.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:14, Reply)

*finishes bagel*
*grabs*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:23, Reply)

ha ha guess who just replied to me

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:24, Reply)

She of the tits?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Yep, this is the best day ever.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:27, Reply)

amazing
is it a positive reply?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:27, Reply)

She thanked me for saying I liked breasts,
25 gazes away from her falling in love with me.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

depending on her response times
you could have that done within the day
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Her response times aren't very good.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:38, Reply)

that's a shame
could take months
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Hehe see what happens when you have a positive attitude!
The birds they are aflockin'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I'm no meterologist but I think it's raining bitches.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Now you're just whoring for clicks
*clicks*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Just quoting Family Guy

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

A buddist monk walks up to a hotdog stand and says

make me one with everything...

The buddist pays with a tenner and waits patiently for the hot dog man. When the hot dog man is not forthcoming the buddist says,

"Please may I have change?"

"Ah" replies the hotdog man "change must come from within!"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:02, Reply)

this is excellent

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Radio 4 last night

I honestly laugh more at the radio than I do at the TV these days
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:09, Reply)

do you turn it on first?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Sometimes, depends how busy I am licking windows

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Also

"my girlfriend is an internet porn star...she'll be furiois when she finds out"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:09, Reply)

This is rich and abundant in win

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:27, Reply)

One of my favourites
(which might be a prompt to ignore this, but hey ho...)

A woman goes to see her gynaecologist and explains that she's been encountering some problems with her downstairs.

"Very well," says the doctor, "what's up with your lady-bits?"

And they proceed to discuss the symptoms. After a few minutes, the doctor says,
"Ok, I think I know what it might be. It's probably best if I examine you,"
and gets her up onto the bed with her legs spread so he can take a look.
"Ah, just as I suspected," he says, "don't worry, this is a routine problem and very easy to solve. I can sort it out here with a simple operation. I'll just need to numb the area first."
"Ok," she says.

So the doctor leans in and goes "Numb-numb-numb-numb-numb"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Morning all!
I don't know jokes, but some boy did a poo and stuck it to my window once!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:27, Reply)

sorry

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Long time ago
My uncle booted him up the bum.
It's funny. They read out that story on the radio once.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:33, Reply)

what great entertainment!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:35, Reply)

i'll fuck you up, kid!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

ha
you wish
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:39, Reply)

You think that 'cause I'm small I couldn't....

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:47, Reply)

sorry, didn't see the word up
;-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Word up!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:58, Reply)

all you sucka DJs
who think you're fly...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Remember the GUN version?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 11:06, Reply)

yeah
you should hear the Korn version. it is the fucking business
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I will do in a mo
I've just been listening to KMFDM do Material Girl!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 11:30, Reply)

My "go-to" joke when put on the spot
How do you titillate an ocelot?
You oscillate its tit a lot.

Rarely fails.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)