The flush doesn't work in trap 4 at work
and some careless fool has just spent ten minutes noisely emptying his arse out in to it. He's know trying like fuck to get it to flush. What a maroon! I'm in trap one, which always works. 4 is for n00bs lol.

How do you spend your Fridays in the office?!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:52, 107 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today we had a party for me
And I've had two cans of Coke, two wedges of cake, a jelly donut, a sarnie and some Quality Street.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:57, Reply)

WooooOOOOooooooOOOOO PAR-TAY!
Can I come please if you have coke and cake?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Flim there's three big slices left!
And lots of cans of Coke in the machine. I'll get you a couple now.
And chocs and aniseed & liquorice sweets, and a Go Ahead yogurt bar.

EDIT, and in case your hubs ain't told you, my wonderfully-adressed envelope arrived today :D
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Any buttys left?

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Yeah dude
Cheese n' onion?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Hmmmm
No egg?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I ate those

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Egg sandwiches are a crime against humanity

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:15, Reply)

They got me my GCSEs

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Shut it!
Any sausage rolls? I don't much care for cheese and onion.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Sausage rolls nope.
they're in my freezer
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Egg sandwiches are vile
Cheese and Pickle is where it's at.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Shurrup ya meff

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Yer a ming, yer a mong
Yer a meff gone wrong
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Remember that!#

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Knew you'd appreciate it!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:31, Reply)

:D

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Hurrah! *gets in stolen car*
Are you having a happy biffday, a hoppy boffday, a boffy hoffday my lovely?

Did you like the card? I thought it was full of WIN!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I'm so not opening that until my actual birthday, i'm being very very good.
But I am having a hippity hop don't stop birfdy yes.
Two down, two to go!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Cool!
I wondered if you were like me and tore open cards before the special day - If I get stuff early I can't stop myself from opening it! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I opened the work ones, because here today it's my birthday
But the others I will save until proper birfday.
Actually I might open yours just after midnight on Saturday...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Hehe extended it out over a weekend - I like it!
Hurrah! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Oh yussssss!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I'm having an indian and beer tonight, and I'm leaving at 4pm,
I win awesome!
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:06, Reply)

You don't
Nobody made you a cake and held a party!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:07, Reply)

They fucking do, usually once a year.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I mean today!
Stop pissing on me bonfire right
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I finish at four everyday
But I appreciate that your're excited that you are, for once, one of beautiful people. Whom finish early.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Cor!
That's bastard well ace! Nice one! I just got a snickers and a coke. £1.10. Rip Off Britain!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I read that in the style of 'Lip Up Fatty' by Bad Manners.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Ha!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:12, Reply)

£3.05 for a Kronenbourg/Perroni/San Miguel in my pub now
£2.70 for a bleedin Carlsberg.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Cor! - That's cheap!
Where do you live?!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:14, Reply)

It's not bloody cheap!
Liverpool.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Try Bristol then!!
£3.50 a pint for the nice things and £3.00 for the shit.

Unless you drink in a chain pub shithole.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:20, Reply)

hahahaha, I live in the south east and it's cheaper.
Eat my higher average wage. EAT IT
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Stop competing
I'm glad you have a high quality of life.
Enjoy it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Ask him WHICH PART of the South East, though.
Fucking Portsmouth is in the South East - that does not stop it from being one of the most God-forsaken hellholes on earth.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Fookin hell
How much for a Bombardier?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:15, Reply)

£2.60

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:16, Reply)

That's not too bad
It's about £2.40ish here I think
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:19, Reply)

My grandad would walk out and leave that on the bar at £2.60

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:20, Reply)

It's £2.25 for a good pint of it here
Or £1.90 for a decent pint.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I'm sure its £2.40 in the Lion

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Was £2.25 last time, I'm sure of it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Extortion!
My local, £1.95 for fosters, proper beers a bit more up to £2.50 for K1664. £3.20 average in city centre!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I couldn't care less if it was free
I still wouldn't drink Fosters.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:21, Reply)

It's just below battery acid
on my list of 'things I'd willingly drink'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:22, Reply)

But its under two quid!

(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:41, Reply)

So is water
You shirter
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:07, Reply)

it cost me £2.50 for a pint of orange juice and soda
in the pub the other night. I was outraged
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Well,if you will drink soft drinks in the pub....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I'd had about 2 hours sleep the night before
and had to play a gig. beer would not have been my friend at that point
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:25, Reply)

What you needed was a restorative brandy, old chap

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:32, Reply)

that would've not only knocked me out, but probably bankrupt me as well
right, I've just been looking for a way to record some guitar ideas on my phone for recording session tonight, and came across this memo that I had written myself at some point.

I have no recollection of it prior to this.

Man walks into bar with large orange for head. why? genie. 3 wishes. Billionaire. Irresistible to women. Orange for a head.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I'm not sure the world is ready for your standup routine just yet.
That is just plain odd mate.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I don't think I made it up
that's the weird thing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:40, Reply)

The whole thing is most weird.
It's like you've been told ths funniest gag you've ever heard and thought 'I must make a note of this or I'll forget it'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:45, Reply)

it does seem like that
and while the joke appeals to me, it's certainly not the funniest ever.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:47, Reply)

You've gotta have a pint before you go on stage!
Regardless of how you feel!

I was drumming at a gig the other day and did a little sick in my mouth. I had no option but to swallow it - it wasn't so bad.

It got me thinking though, it would have been quite cool if it was a full-on massive puke and i'd carried on playing through it, all the time warm sick running down my front and onto my lap.

I'd have paid to see it.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:32, Reply)

A bit of vomit never stopped The Stooges.
EDIT if you'd yakked all over your drums you could have recreated the Keith Moon performance on the Rolling Stones' Rock'n'Roll Circus, with spew instead of water.

Outdoing Moonie - some achievement.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I'm gonna fucking do that when we do our video.

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Christ!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I do like Peroni
There. I've said it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:23, Reply)

*clears throat*
BENDER!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:26, Reply)

What was that, 'orange juice boy'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Peroni is alright, decent on draught
They do a stronger version that I sometimes get in Pizza Express which is quite pokey. Beers to look out for, in no particular order

Innis and Gunn - Aged in whiskey barrels, soft and creamy. Look out for limited edition brews.
Fraoch - Scottish Heather Ale, crisp and refreshing, great Summer beer. www.williamsbrosbrew.com/beer.html
Grozet - Gooseberry beer, by the Fraoch buys. Fruity, tart and quaffable.
Alba - Same folk again, this time a 6.7% pine needle effort, best drunk like wine. Amazing stuff, very unique.
Liefmans Kriek (Cuvee Brut) - the most wonderful cherry beer, slightly sparkling, very tart. Just recently become available again, it comes wrapped in red paper and has a proper cork. Better than champagne.
Aventinus - Daddy fucking O. Wheat doppelbock, dark and mysterious. A whole myriad of flavours from banana to chocolate. My favourite beer of all time.
Trappist Rochefort 12 - 11.3%, beer of kings. Treat this bad boy like a meal. Brilliant for a dark winters day.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:42, Reply)

You really must come down to visit.
You'll probably get thrown out of my local for masturbating when you see the beer menu, mind...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I seem to get thrown out of every pub for masturbating, beer menu or otherwise
It's a ruddy outrage, my little Smeagle wouldn't harm anyone. There are a few 'bierhalle' style places up here, it's just that they are prohibitively expensive. I have done, on many occassions, bought a load of beers from the beer deli, and hosted my very own beer festival. The plus side of that is, I can toke and i can masturbate, till it goes black.

Wunderbar
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Have you tried Mango Beer from the
Zerodegrees micro brewery in Bristol? (I think you can get it elsewhere)

It is magnificent.

In fact, you've just reminded me how delicious it is and I'm going to buy some this very evening. Thanks!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Sounds good, I hope it isn't too sweet and sickly though?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Fraoch is god
I tried it at a beer festival a couple of years back, was blown away.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Yes, it is very nice, distinct.
However, wait till you try the Alba, it will blow you away, chase after you, then stamp on your balls.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Lovely beer
One of my favourites.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Well, the report that normally takes me 5 hours
now takes about 20 minutes, thanks to a fancy new programme some IT bod has written.

I've got lots of time to arse about updating my spotify list, playing on B3ta and opening my burpday prezzies!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:13, Reply)

HAPPEE BUUURTHDAAY TOO YA
^Stevie
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Mine is Monday but parties are always better on a Friday, eh?!
...and, thanks!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Totally.
I'll have some to open on the actual day too (Sunday).

HAPPEE BUURTHDAY TOO YA! *bops*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:21, Reply)

HAPPY BUUUUUUUURTHDAY,
HAppy BIRTHDAY TO YA

etc...
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:34, Reply)

*spins*
I like the way you conveyed that ^
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Thanks!
:)
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:55, Reply)

The record's finished.
what we having next?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Well,
Currently listening to 'Howards Alias - Beat Heart Beat'. It's astoundingly good.

I was tour support for them a while back and liked their stuff then. This has come out since and is the first I've heard of them since back in't day. Very, very good.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:11, Reply)

I just had on The Sundays
Remember them?
I'll have a listen to that there what you said ^
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:12, Reply)

And likewise, I'll get on The Sundays
(as it were)
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Ooh Harriet
You would
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:22, Reply)

would DID

...and who's Harriet?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:27, Reply)

You did not you big fat liar

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I like, SO totally did.
(and evryfink.)
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:36, Reply)

Stoppit you never
She was going out with the bloke and they had a baby you homewrecker!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I AM the bloke.

Didn't you get the memo?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Sharrap
I'm sooo confused, what if you are him and oh shush
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Shush yourself.
I am He, so there.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I wish you were
I'd ask you how lovely harriet and her sparkly voice were getting on :(
I like this Howard business by the way.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Just like you, Monders dear boy,
I spend it in the lavatory, listening in to people's shits, then posting about it live on the internet.

Or when you say 'I'm in trap one', are you merely scene-setting rather than you actually ARE in there right now?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:16, Reply)

He's a greyhound.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Hahaha, superb!
I am now singing 'Monders is a greyhound' to the tune of Jilted John.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Good point old bean!
I started posting whilst still in Trap 1. Shortly after I clicked Send, I returned to my desk to await the replies from this orrible lot.

I don't spend all day listening to other people on the loo. I'm not *that* much like my dad
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Well I hope you washed your hands.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Maybe if you've just had a pony, you have a point.
Although, if it's just a wee - wash your penis in the morning and then DON'T PISS ON YOUR HANDS.

Much easier.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I spend my Friday afternoons in the office
like I spend most afternoons in the office, pissing about on the internet and counting the minutes until hometime. Fridays are crap because I have to work two extra hours and don't finish til five, and it's busy and for some reason the boss always wants to catch up with the accounts on a Friday afternoon when all I really want to do is cave his face in with a phone handset.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Then do it.
No regrets! Smash! Take that you brain dead cunt! Smash!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I work from home
The official finish time is 5 (yeah, right!), however you can generally get away with finishing after the MD's 'how's the week gone' phone call.
He's just called.
Woo Yay!
I'm off down the guitar shop.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Leaving the office at 4:45
Walking over to the station and getting a train to that there Laaahndan. Depending on weather either walk or tube from Euston to Camden Town and enjoy Jesca Hoop at the Jazz Café. Get the last train home, in bed by 2. Woohoo!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Jesca getting it up the
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:07, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I've just learnt how to make origami crows
There's a lot of scrap paper on my desk.

I'm going to raise an army.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:18, Reply)