Laugh of the weekend
An advert for Michael Jacksons This is It on DVD and bluray followed by an ad for the co-operative funeral service.

Their rates seem pretty good so if you are planning on killing yoruself I recommend them
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:25, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone actually seen This is it?
Any good?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:26, Reply)

No, it's three hours of a peadophile prancing around on a stage

(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:37, Reply)

So pretty much
like all of your home videos
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:38, Reply)

What more can you ask for?

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Well that ticks all the boxes
*buys 3*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Genuine at this!
POTD
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I'm soo tried TGB, seriously tired, I'm struggling to stay awake.
I might go for a bit of a nap, I can't concentrate.

It's days like today where I'm reminded that SUSHI BAR IS OPENING SOON, I got to live at least as long as to see the opening of that, I'd be gutted if I don't spend a month eating just sushi.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I worked from 6pm last night
until 4:45 this morning, went home (got in at 5:30) for a couple of hours kip and was back at my desk (an hour from my home) at 10am. I reckon I might be more tired than you, Gonzarelli.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:03, Reply)

*Lists all the pills i'm on and ailments I have*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Shit mate I forgot you were ill,
I take it all back. It's just I'm so tired I'm slightly hallucinating
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:13, Reply)

that advert for Peter Andre's new album
made me laugh like a loon when I first saw it, he can't possibly be serious, can he?
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I think he must be flat broke
and his record company basically own his ass and can make him do anything they want.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Shouldn't you like fuck off for your appointment?
I'd hate you to miss your time with the hygiene minx
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:49, Reply)

That's tomorrow
which is what I said. GAAAAAWWWWWWD BECKY, LEARN TO READ!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Curses, I thought I'd be freeing up some bandwidth for everyone else
I'm going to drown my sorrows by going to the shop IN THE SNOW MOTHERFUCKERS to buy some milky way crispy rolls. I need them. Yes.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Be careful in that cunting snow

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Cunting is what it is
I may be some time.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Turns out the cafe very near to my flat does excellent bacon rolls. I've lived here almost 2 years now and had been put off by the ugly interior
today I have learned something
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:23, Reply)

that you're
a deeply superficial person?
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Never rub another man's rhubarb

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I'll be sure to
I is confused
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:37, Reply)

If it's the one I'm thinking of...
is it the video's that seem to have a budget of £2.50? With him just walking around in slow motion, looking all deep, hurt and meaningful. Singing about being over a completely unknown girl not at all any kind of glamour model.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:46, Reply)

yep, it's unintentionally hilarious
incredibly deep, moving, sad and hilarious
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Sounds like something I want to see
Anyone got a linky?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:04, Reply)

www.google.com
that do?
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Pish and fie,
I'm far too lazy to trawl the internet for this by myself.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:12, Reply)

There's one on Spotify for his new album of 'love songs'
it's so pathetic, I laugh whenever I hear it.

He's basically begging people to buy it because 'When you love somebody, it's unconditional' (read: give me sympathy, I was done over buy an attention seeking, money grabbing barbie doll)
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:48, Reply)

barbie doll?
She's not even that, she's got about as much personality as a fucking puddle
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:50, Reply)

They're both predominantly plastic
and I don't intend to place either of them near my genitals.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:55, Reply)

But some rubber up your arse is ok then?

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Always.

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I still say he's got nothing on R Kelly

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:50, Reply)

And the man is a midget!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Dammit
now I have his hiphopera in my head
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:54, Reply)

He was a miget,
miget, miget, miget, miget, miget...
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:56, Reply)

+d

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:57, Reply)

That's the highest grade I've ever been awarded.

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:02, Reply)

stick it to the fridge

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:06, Reply)

If you're going to insult someone based upon their size and stature
at least fucking spell correctly. You look like a damn fool otherwise.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Fuck,
one typo and a Monday morning Copy & Paste has made me look like a fucking retard.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:01, Reply)

d b
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)

eh?
Monbay?

Retarb?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:09, Reply)

God, you can be such a retarb...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I clearly don't have a clue what's happening today.
Do I?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Captain V is STILL whining about the 'fact' he meant to type 'retarb'.
What a retarb.
( thealternativefact, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I miss Captain V
too bad chcb keeps him locked up for science now
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:22, Reply)

It's important to test the capabilities of midgets
One day they might rise up* and try to wrestle control of the planet from us - how do we expect to defeat them if we don't know their weaknesses**?

*_{Not literally, obviously
**Apart from just hiding all the food in high cupboards...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:26, Reply)

He's still just as bad.
Last time I saw him he said, 'Prawns give me anaphylactic shock, but really, really slowly.'
We wanted him to eat some prawns so we could spend the rest of the evening watching his head inflate to twice its size.
( thealternativefact, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:27, Reply)

You should have snuck some into his food and then filmed it and put it as a time lapse on youtube
it'd be like the butterfly emerging from its chrysalis only a billion times better. + points for head explosions
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:32, Reply)

The waiter tried...
he brought some food to the table - V said it was his, despite the fact it was noodles and he'd ordered rice. He picked out a prawn with his chopsticks and said, 'This looks like a prawn. I didn't order anything with prawns.' He then proceeded to eat the food, even though a) it could kill him and b) it clearly belonged to someone else.
I'm beginning to doubt the laws of natural selection.
( thealternativefact, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Haaaaaaaaaaaa catface fail

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:38, Reply)

AT least we have
a backup in case catface gets hit by a stationary car
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Bo you mean a dackup, dy any chance?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:17, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyvzfgxY0kc
If R Kelly wasn't such a freak I would consider him the greatest satirist of all time for this 1 minute and 50 seconds alone.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:58, Reply)

It's a testament to his tremendous talent
that he can switch so effortlessly between his normal singing voice and the southern-hick accent he puts on for "Bridget."

And as for rhyming "Bridget" with "midget"...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Him coming out of the kitchen
cupboard won it for me.

Also the brother who got shot. Hiiilllllarious
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:29, Reply)

The best place to hide your secret lover - the cupboard under the sink
And as for how he gets there...
"He says 'move,'
She says 'no,'
He says 'move,'
She says 'no,'
'BITCH MOVE!',
She moves!
Now he's going to the cabinet," etc
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:41, Reply)

lusty introduced me to this glorious series
while completely caned. Couldn't get it out of my head for days, I think it's a work of genius.
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Not enough paedophilia or watersports

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:51, Reply)

That's true for most things in life

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:57, Reply)

You're right, Bam Bam

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Brian Peppers on a jetski?

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:01, Reply)

TOO MUCH!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I'm sure the Co-op's rates are very good.
However I wouldn't wholeheartedly recommend them if you want your funeral done correctly. Silly buggers.

But hey, you won't be alive to see them cock it up.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)