just because I need to vent somewhere inappropriate
good weekend? Whatever. I want to rant about something. The iphone.

Load of shit. Cant believe how long I've put up with it.

My wonderful iphone deleted 1 months of email on Friday from my online account. Taken all weekend to sort it out. Fucking piece of shit. Turns out, I'm not the only one, its known for it. Its a 'known issue'. Anyway, its going on ebay soon, theres still some mugs willing to pay tons for them so I can use that money to buy a proper phone. Probably one of the new android things, HTC ones. I had a play and they're not quite as pretty, but a million times more useful. The novelty has truly worn off. The prettiness counts for shit when its a piece of shit under the surface. I dont use it for anything interesting, its like a toy, it just does such limited things and i endlessly, never stop thinking, "wouldnt it be nice if it just did this..." but it never does. I went on 2nd page of icons the other day and I would say i havent been off the main page for over a year, theres just nothing on there that I really use. Its an cunts phone. I feel like dirt, like shit for having wasted money on it.

The email thing is last straw. That and maybe somethings have stopped working because I havent updated the firmware in about a year. Why the fuck should i have to do that, connect it to a computer to fix all the stuff that worked just fine the other day. It truly is a crock of shit. Fucking apple suck cock. They're like scientologists only worse. Money grabbing whore fucking fuckers who cant make anything that doesnt fit into their tiny little view. I cannot express really my true feelings, I am probably going to lie down for bit. Its also a con isnt it, every single thing is designed to make you spend money on their endless shit apps. They've never had a penny out of me since the original purchase, not one and thats my own little rebellion. I've decided that I will never ever buy an apple product again. The ipod is now obsolete - I got a spotify premium account, and I havent listened to mp3's in months now. Apple are OFFICIALLY DEAD AND OBSOLETE.

Next weeks piss easy target, the monumental crock of shit that is the ipad. Oh my god they're having a laugh. And its not even out. I am going to derive quite a lot of pleasure out of that when it fails.

(no its not going to revolutionise ebooks or the print industry. Its like trying to read LIGHT)
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:32, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My "pay as you go" mobile is 5 years old and was given to me
my ipod is 4 years old and I bought it for £30

I can make calls and listen to music

Can you?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Way to make someone feel better about their life choices.
You should be ashamed.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Shall I sit outside my office and think about what i've done?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:41, Reply)

I think a public apology would be more gratifying

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Dear Mr I have run out of coke
I am very sorry for sounding like a smug twat. If it's any consolation, the picture on my phone is not of a loved one, but a neighbours cat.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:48, Reply)

But do you love it?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Yes, do you? Do you really love it?
Do you want to love it and hug it and cradle it in your arms and call it George regardless of gender?

Do you?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:59, Reply)

What kind of sick weirdo do you take me for?
*lovingly strokes photo of Smokey Joe*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Well you're a cunt for buying one in the first place, but now is the time for redemption
I had a HTC as my last but one phone and I found it sluggish and crap. Get yourself a blackberry.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Have you tried holding it between your thighs
and using it as a substitute for your withered penis?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:45, Reply)

never
gonna let that one go are we al?
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Most phones these days have Apps, games, music players and internet access
I don't know why people think the iPhone is so special. It has a shit camera for 1 thing
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Bollocks
it has a camera which is just as good as every other mobile phone out there i.e. perfectly adequate for taking photos of your mates in the pub where the light is reasonable.

No phone will ever have a camera that comes remotely close to any reasonable compact camera, but people always seem to use "but it's got a shit camera" as a stick to beat the iphone. And it's a fucking shit argument, there are many reasons why apple products are bad, not least being locked into certain types of software and being unable to customise it without a reasonable knowledge of how to crack things, some of which may leave you without a warranty. But to single out the camera as a reason not to get an iphone is just pathetically lazy.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Madam Marlboro has. Its one of the Sony Ericsson ones and its awesome
Besides, you don't even have an iphone, why do you care?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:58, Reply)

I haven't had a decent argument on the internet for ages
and this looked like the perfect opportunity.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Then godspeed my friend. I'm off to watch The Darjeeling ltd
Iphones are the phone of choice for cunts. Discuss
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:01, Reply)

I love that film

(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Ok
well then there is my intense dislike for all touch screen phones as they are almost impossible to text on fast as you can't slide your thumbs over the buttons. Then you send garbled messages when you try to text while drunk on a touch screen, and I drink quite often so this is not good. I find them infuriating because they're never as responsive as you want and have a habit of selecting the wrong thing.
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:58, Reply)

So it's your inability to use technology while inebriated that makes it the phone's fault then.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I'm going to judge everything I buy in the future on whether it works when I'm drunk
especially cars. I'm going to get fucked before I go to the showroom.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:01, Reply)

I can type quite fast on my iphone.
Faster than I could on a blackberry.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Nah', some phones have whicked cameras, the Nokia and Sony-Erricsons ones are very good.
It's not about the race for MegaPixals, it's getting a decent CCD/Lens.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:38, Reply)

why buy something unnecesary and then complain about it?
I have a 3-4 year old sony ericsson phone that makes calls and sends and receives text messages. it works perfectly well. I've got an ipod shuffle which fulfills all my on-the-go music needs.

this stuff cost fuck all and works fine.

why does everyone feel the need for having a phone that can do loads of shit? it's as bad as having a fucking filofax you bunch of wannabe-yuppie cunts
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I had a FunFax
And a SpyFile.
(TheColonel, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I had a spyfile too!
It was awesome and had loads of top secret stickers
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Sssshhhh!

(TheColonel, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I have an A6 diary
I write in what I'm doing in the evening and at work so I don't forget. I've got a terrible memory.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Al's diary
5pm - have a wank
545pm - call someone a cunt on the internet
6pm - get so hot from my wit have a wank
630pm - make a list of my 25 top wanks
7pm - call some more people cunts on the internet
730pm - have an ovaltine and a bedtime wank
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:21, Reply)

How did you get hold of my diary?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:30, Reply)

It fell into my vag
when I was round doing your missus
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:41, Reply)

you're either forgetting the
multiple entries of "popped a viagra, 'cos well, you know" or omitting the words "attempted to"
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:30, Reply)

<s>memory</s> cock

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Hahaha, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Every phone, esspeically smart phones, have software/firmware upgrades, it's a good thing, because as security flaws become known, they fix them. You can't plug all the bugs because the product will never reach the market.

As an MP3/Video/Games portable device, there is nothing else in that size that compaires to the iPhone.

For Emails/Contacts/Calender, it's the best thing out on the market, esspeicaly when sync'd to Google. It's fast and easy to use.

It's got the biggest App Store out there, and the signal-to-noise ratio is quite good too, as it's all ranked. They've essenchally created an entire market where one didn't exist before.

There are only three things that lack on that phone, the Camera, the Lock Screen and Flash Support (which a lot of Android devices don't have). Aside that, I'd say it's the best portable-device/phone I've ever used. It pisses all over Blackberry, completely, and the only good Android devices, for most people, are the HTC Sense onces. The HTC Desire looks good, and porting that firmware over to the Nexus One is quite good, as it provides flash support.

But saying that, if Palm brought out some decent hardware and SDKs, I think WebOS would win the day completely. And Windows Mobile 7 Series looks awesome, but is still a long way off.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Oh fuck this shit, it was just a brain dump.
Just coming here, offloading the shit that's going through your head, not joining in in any conversation, fuck that shit, I hate you, I hate your stupid guts, I hope you stub your toe.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:46, Reply)