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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Things I found out last weekend,
Monty is easy on the eye.
Clendrix is old.
Wookie needs a brown suit.
Bill is a mong.


What's surprised you lately.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:41, 111 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
All true
Except for one
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:42, Reply)
Well she's a lot older than I thought she was.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:44, Reply)
I still don't know how old she is and I've helped celebrate her birthday and everything
She's fucking gorgeous though that's fo sho
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:49, Reply)
She is GRATE.
Unlike me, who simply grates.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:50, Reply)
She is made of awesomesauce and snowdrops

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:52, Reply)
The depth of our employers contempt

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:43, Reply)
a) *preens*
b) surprising? Thanks a fucking lot.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:44, Reply)
You have lived a bit honey.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:45, Reply)
A cursory look in the attic of Chateaux Monty
reveals a painting of a decrepit, haggard old man.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:47, Reply)
Not more than one castle surely.
You are a proper knob, and not a pretend one.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:54, Reply)
I bought Chateaux 1-8 from the Pope
I left him the ninth one as I find the wine he produces there 'amusing'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:55, Reply)
Can I borrow one please
If any have an oubliette.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:07, Reply)
*checks*
Why not? I think No.4 should be to your tastes.

I need it back by Christmas though, old boy.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:10, Reply)
No problems.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:15, Reply)
I'll gaz you the keys.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:16, Reply)
Will there be cleaning products,
or should I take my own?
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:29, Reply)
No need.
I tend to use the serfs who till the surrounding land. It gets them out of the fields for a while - they rather like being used as organic mops, I think.

Not that I talk to them *shudders*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:33, Reply)
is that the one
they turned into the abbey that produces Buckfast?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:19, Reply)
'Chateau Bucky de Pape' has quite a ring to it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Fate
Fate has surprised me.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:45, Reply)
How?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:46, Reply)
My life is just too full of coincidence
and 'happy accidents'.
No matter how tough things get I reckons I haz a guradian angel. And a few real-life ones too.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:49, Reply)
Awwwwww!
I'm sure that when your nanna goes, she'll make sure you don't come to any harm too.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I've already got a great Grandma and a nails nana up there
I swear my singing voice and my capacity for alcohol got better when the 'sociable' one died.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)
The way our lives keep intertwining suprises me often

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:50, Reply)
I think we're meant to be together
We can ignore it all we like, but there's no logic to how much we keep being flung together, in a confined space, with sensual oils.
No wait, that was in my dreams...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:57, Reply)
I thought that was al's dream or did his involve butter?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:02, Reply)
And Frazzles

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:05, Reply)
Mmm...frazzles

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:10, Reply)
I could offer you a lucrative DVD distribution deal for that kind of thing

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:13, Reply)
I'm not falling for your lies again, Vip
I was picking splinters out for WEEKS last time.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:15, Reply)
there wasn't any lying involved!
I distinctly said I was going to give you a paddling with a rough old bit of wood and you jumped on the opportunity!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:18, Reply)
Sometimes I swear you've got my house bugged

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:23, Reply)
my dear, bugged doesn't do it justice
The Roota Show is very popular.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:23, Reply)
I've always wanted my own show
I didn't think I'd have to pee into shoes to get it :(
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:25, Reply)
you can't choose in which direction your talents lie I'm afraid

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:26, Reply)

the opportunity etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Nobody ever needs a brown suit

unless they are a carpet salesman from 1976
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:50, Reply)
...or someone that likes to swim in shit

(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:52, Reply)
I have a brown linen suit - is nice.
I bought it from this bloke - www.louiscopeland.com/

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:32, Reply)
That all you need to make a good computer game is a squid with lasers on it's tentacles.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:51, Reply)
Could I borrow that apostrophe, please?
You don't need it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:52, Reply)
Tower bridge is right in front of me
I'm always suprised at how fucking huge it is
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:52, Reply)
Aww I can't read gazzes on here and someone's just gazzed me
Can you text or facemong me instead please? If you don't have either then think very carefully about whether you should be trying to contact me.

Or I'll just read it tonight I suppose
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:55, Reply)
It was me telling you Clendrix age.
Nothing exciting.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:56, Reply)
Oh dammit I really want to read that and I don't know my mobile nimber for you to text me :(
I know there's some 8's in it somewhere
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:01, Reply)
'Mobile nimber'?
Are you Inspector ClouseAu?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:04, Reply)
Are you a grammar nazi?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:07, Reply)
Jawohl.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:07, Reply)
Jai ho

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:11, Reply)
He's getting cocky now we all know he's handsome.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:07, Reply)
you've spoiled things now
I had been picturing him as looking like he had just drunk from the wrong Grail.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:12, Reply)
That is a magnificent turn of phrase.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:16, Reply)
*takes a small bow*

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:18, Reply)
*waits for Vipros to begin playing his tiny cello*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:21, Reply)
not quite old chum
*starts firing small arrows*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Re-reading this exchange
it rather looks like I am casting aspersions over your 'tiny cello'...
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:27, Reply)
remarkably
I didn't think that was what you are doing. I grasped it straight away I understood immediately.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:33, Reply)
It was an afterthought, I confess.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:35, Reply)
You're right
I never used to pick people up on spelling and grammar until this morning.

*belms*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:20, Reply)
I bet you're still handsome when you belm too.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:23, Reply)
That 'your' is a deliberate attempt to raise my hackles, isn't it?
*raises hackles*


EDIT: too slow - I saw you.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:25, Reply)
it's the online equivalent of giving you a shove and running away
I think you've got an admirer ;-)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:25, Reply)
I admired him when I thought he looked like an extra from Trainspotting.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:28, Reply)
* does 'cuckoo' gesture*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:30, Reply)
I have no idea what this means but I'm sure it's lovely.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:32, Reply)
it's the old twirl a finger by the temple thing
to indicate that you are crazy
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Ah! that makes sense.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Bloody hell, you're fast today.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:26, Reply)
It's my new, streamlined reduced-drugs response time.
To remedy this, please buy me heaps of drugs and normal service shall be resumed.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:28, Reply)
Nope!
You need to cut down. Auntie Blouse is always right.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:34, Reply)
I have done.
For the past three weeks I've barely drunk or got high in the week at all, and seeing as I see my little'un one day a weekend (on paper, at least) that means one weekend night is pretty tame too.

I'm feeling a little better for it, I must confess.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:39, Reply)
That's good to hear.
I suppose I was lucky in the fact I got bored of being twatted all the time, plus you seem to have a stronger consitution than I had.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:41, Reply)
I am pretty indestructible, sadly.
I wish I was a lightweight. I'd have a lot more fucking money.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:50, Reply)
bully

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:30, Reply)
*waits 'til breaktime to nick lunch money*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Monty old Chap
did you mean Clouseau?
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:57, Reply)
That I most certainly did.
I don't *do* French. The fucking cowards.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I must confess
that I have now learnt to check my facts before issuing a challenge of this kind...
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 11:11, Reply)
I'll facebook you.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:05, Reply)

book rape

I'm bored
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:36, Reply)
I found out you
have a strokable coat.

I said COAT you dirty minded fuckwits
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:20, Reply)
I'm dying to see this coat!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:22, Reply)
It is most awesome

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Why do you think I wear it.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:22, Reply)
did I hear that you are going to be at the Cornwall bash?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Maybe

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:39, Reply)
might mean we get a chance to loathe each other in person ;-)

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:43, Reply)
I'm going to drive around
with a passenger seat full of glass bottles
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:54, Reply)
I'm going to destroy you

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:56, Reply)
ffs i jusy got booted off another bus and my mp3 player battery has died
Will I ever get to work?
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Stop flashing your tits then they'll let you stay on the bus.
Simple!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:31, Reply)

stop start
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:34, Reply)
but my button wont stay done up

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:42, Reply)

buttontrousers
done

At least, that's my usual excuse.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:44, Reply)
hop on a passer-by
yell 'mush!' and you'll be there in no time
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:31, Reply)
You will get there
But with a shit soundtrack...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Hop on another bus
where some nice young man with a tracksuit and big headphones will be happy to share the "nng-tss nng-tss nng-tss nng-tss" of his own mp3 player with you and the rest of the bus.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:38, Reply)
Bubble wrap is a surprisingly good substitute for a proper guitar case
Even if it does get you some slightly odd looks on the toob.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:35, Reply)
I heard you were quite lovely as well.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:37, Reply)
You say it as if it comes as a surprise

EDIT: But please, continue to massage my rapidly swelling ego
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:38, Reply)
I'm always surprised at the amount of lovely people in the world.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:39, Reply)
I have to admit, I am as well
I usually find they increase in number as you get further away from Central London. Which makes me wonder why I decided to stay in London...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Well me and boss keloid are having a birthday bash at the end of June.
The place will be crammed with lovely folk. You must come up and meet us all.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:44, Reply)
Can't see it on the calendar (unless I'm just having a retarded morning)
You'll have to let me know when and where, I'll see if I can make it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:46, Reply)
Not in yet. I just want to see if BK is definitely ok with the date.
But hopefully the last weekend in June in West Yorkshire.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:48, Reply)

ego penis
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:52, Reply)
That as well, if you can reach

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 11:02, Reply)
hooray i made it
Thanks for making my journey slightly less shit my dear cuntfelchers
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Huzzah!
...was it worth the journey?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 10:48, Reply)
Anytime
Now go, help the aminulz
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 11:05, Reply)

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