Guess what? I went on a date.
It was brilliant.

The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:33, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A date?
With a...female? With breasts and everything?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Giggity
Aaaaaall right.
( djtrialprice, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Everything?
A penis?
Oh Monty...
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:39, Reply)

It was MASSIVE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:40, Reply)

*sighs*
You lucky boy.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I don't find them attractive
just confusing
( djtrialprice, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:41, Reply)

You betcha.
It was most out of character. Normally I have to dig them up under cover of darkness.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Good for you.
Not the Polish girl?
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Nah.
I never could quite be bothered with her, pretty as she was. I'm a massive racist, it would never have worked.

Still, I'd have had a clean flat, eh readers?

*winks*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:42, Reply)

*chortle*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Make sure you get a second date
I went out with a girl a couple of weeks ago, we got on brilliantly, had a real laugh, but I never saw her again. I'm assuming she got a better offer
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I killed her and ate her.
Sorry about that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:45, Reply)

damn you
she was cuter than a kitten in a tutu, and she had a funny little crinkle in her forehead.

Did you keep any of her skin?
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Just the 'crinkle'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Awesome
I want to have sex with it
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:48, Reply)

You won't now, believe me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I'm going to sellotape it to my perineum
and rub my balls with windex
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Stop copying my 'act'
EDIT your post reminds me of the poem 'Tell Me Lies About Vietnam' by Adrian Mitchell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I didn't realise that's what I was doing
I've barely read any of your posts, and have very little idea who you actually are.

EDIT and poetry's for woofters and womenfolk
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I meant the perineum/windex/testes routine....
EDIT I fucking hate poetry - it's almost invariably shit (apart from 'Ozymandias'). That Vietnam one is particularly awful - however if you Google the words you will see that 'rub my balls with Windex' would fit perfectly into it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:56, Reply)

oh, I see
didn't realise you'd trademarked it, old boy. I'll go back to Ronsealing my areoli
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:58, Reply)

It's my 'thing'
It's 'what I do'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Go'ead Mont!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:45, Reply)

*does Frank Drebin baseball umpire celebration routine from The Naked Gun*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Ha!
I love those films!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:48, Reply)

My father
is physically and personality-wise a cross between Leslie Nielsen and Leonard Nimoy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:51, Reply)

your father is therefore the best person in the world
Police Squad was the greatest

"cigarette?"
"yes I know"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:54, Reply)

When I was a child
my brother and I were woken in the night and dragged downstairs by our father because 'Airplane' was on and he wanted us to see it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:57, Reply)

it is a glorious film
"I can make a brooch, a hat, or a pterodactyl!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:58, Reply)

'Jimmy, do you like it when Scraps rubs up against you?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:01, Reply)

"have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:18, Reply)

*does Baboon's victory dance*
I have a date later this month
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Good work young lady

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:57, Reply)

*crosses arms and looks sullen*
I want a date. What's fucking wrong with me?

(Apart from my atrocious spelling)
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 10:58, Reply)

All you have to do is ask
not me, I mean generally. My dog has become an excellent ice-breaker, I get chatting to about a dozen different women every day now, but until I have the confidence to converse like an actual human being, or ask for a phone number, I'll stick to being on my own
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:01, Reply)

ice wind
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Can't I just punch men in the arm and run away.
That's the basis of my flirting technique.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:04, Reply)

It'd work on me
and I think most men would find it flattering. Although, if you punch a guy on his arm and he chases you, it might not be best to let him catch you
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Roota seems to be a man magnet and she's visiting me soon.
Maybe I can trap a stray one who approaches her.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Man-trapping?
Make sure you use plenty of Monkey Beer as bait
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I'll remember that : )

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:11, Reply)

good for you

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:00, Reply)