Life is but a long trudge through the Vale of Tears
with only the darkness of the eternal void to look forward to.

So. What's cheered you up today?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:50, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The search function's working again.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Wait for it.................

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I don't like stories about fat men touching pre teens.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Jealous?
Anyway, didn't get the chance to touch him properly. he rebounded like he'd been fired from a cannon. How he got so much momentum from such a short run up was truly amazing.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Momentum is just mass x velocity
So if you have a lot of weight behind you, you don't have to go too fast to really send small people flying.

Apparently.

Not me honest.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Public Transport fun.
I waited to exit the Metro most patiently and as the doors opened a child of about 11 hurled himself forward in an effort to get on before his friends, without waiting for anyone to get off. Unfortunately he didn't look where he was hurling himself and bounced off my rather portly frame and landed flat on his arse. Oh how his mates laughed and I did chortle a bit at the crestfallen look he was wearing.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I once ran into a guy in a village hall
and bounced right off him, falling on my arse and sliding backwards a few feet. He didn't even move. He was built like a viking.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I once bounced off a fat man too!
I was running really fast and he just stepped out.
I flew through the air and landed flat on my back (ouch to my head).
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:00, Reply)

WoW!
How many other people have bounced off fat men? This is much more interesting than I'd hoped.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:01, Reply)

I think it takes a certain set of circumstances
Robust man, plus small elfin girls or children running at high speed, plus you need to hit them full on or you'll just trip around them and probably take a layer of skin off. It's rare to get a full rebound without the fat man also recoiling slightly.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:10, Reply)

She knows her stuff!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:12, Reply)

It's true
There are whole physics seminars devoted to women and children bouncing off fat men. Something to do with Einstein's theory of fatman/small girl relativity
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I do know a perfectly robust Fat Man on whom we can test this
And I'm sure he'd appreciate a flotilla of elfin girls running at him.

(I'm probably too big to run at him and successfully bounce off)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Yeah it's like positive and negative sides of batteries
Elfin Girl + Elfin Girl = minor damage
Fat Man + Fat Man = massive damage
Elfin Girl + Fat Man = the bounce off.

Although I don't know what would happen if the fat man was running and the elfin girl was standing still. Probably some kind of steamroller effect. Further testing required.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I don't know if I'm a sufficiently fat man for testing purposes
but I'd be happy to 'steamroller' any elfin girls you might have to hand
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:20, Reply)

for greatest effect
have them both running, ideally indirectly crossing paths.

doesn't matter who - crashing while running into someone who is also running will cause instant change of direction (and most likely a faceplant or two)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:22, Reply)

You sat at the back in the science lessons, didn't you?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Science evades me entirely
As does maths. I'm a creative type, we don't need maths! Although it did take me ages to figure out how to work out the circumference of a circle so I could make a skirt recently.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Poor attitude
I go to galleries, theatre and listen to music. You could at least watch Horizon once a week.

Bloody arty types.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I can't pretend to understand something
when I really don't.

I got As in all my science exams at school so my grasp must have been satisfactory. I just prefer language and the arts.

You've been to galleries and theatres, I've been to Eureka.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:46, Reply)

That's alright then

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:51, Reply)

We recycled paper
and made it into a keyring.

I haven't been there since I was a kid, mostly because I'm worried it'll be one of those places that's awesome when you're a naive child and ultimately crappy when you're a cynical adult.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I am riding on a crest of smug
My band was roped into representing our uni in a battle-of-the-bands type affair between two universities. 3 bands from each, 4 judges, highest combined score is the winning university.

We didn't realise it was being taken quite so seriously, we'd just viewed it as a chance to flaunt our existence in front of a fresh crowd. And in the end the judges rated us a good 3 or 4 points higher than any other band, ultimately winning the competition.

SMUG CROW IS SMUG.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:10, Reply)

get in!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:15, Reply)

and what are you in the band?
i hope its not singing - crows make a terrible racket
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Actually I do sing. And I do make a terrible racket doing so
Also bass guitar.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I don't trust singing bassists...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Sting, granted, is a cock
But Brian Wilson and Lemmy, I think, make acceptable if contrasting counterexamples.

And of course, John Entwistle's heartfelt delivery of Boris the Spider...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Oi, what about McCartney?



Point taken
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:26, Reply)

See!
Although that Tommy from Space is a very nice chap, so I'm not doing too well here.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:27, Reply)

The thing about bassists is
they have the least to do with their hands, so they have time to flap their jaws.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I like bassists and I like singers.
Hell, who am I kidding I like all musicians.
But playing bass and singing makes me suspicious.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:35, Reply)

For example, Level 42. A kiddie-fiddler if I ever saw one.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Slap bass is for shirters and kiddie-fiddlers anyway

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 13:21, Reply)

The Flea Principle.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Well, he does look the sort
Being Australian and all...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Level 42
are named after the Metropolitan Police's paedo danger rating for Mark King. FACT that I just made up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Good enough for me.
I will state that as a fact at every available opportunity.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Slander!
You have no idea how busy I keep my hands.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Not on stage, surely.
Have a wank before the gig.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Even if I do
It's still not as satisfying as clasping 34" of tempered wood in your hand...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I like the sound of crows.
When I see a crow it's good luck for me.
I had a favourite crow that I used to see from the window at school.
It looked like it had a fringe.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Crows make me smile

If I sleep with the window open then I can be woken up by a chorus of crows in the tree nearby. (May have to wait for the temperatures to pick up first though)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:24, Reply)

They make me smile dude
I don't see enough of them, but then it's more special when I do.
I saw a crow getting bullied by two magpies once. I told the fuckers what's what.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Evil magpies
They're both black and white so they're racist to everyone.

There used to be magpies hanging outside my old flat, but they'd only come out one at a time so I would get bad luck for the rest of the day.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:32, Reply)

They're everywhere
We need a cull.
My mum saw two picking on a cat and my uncle saw one chasing a rat.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:33, Reply)

A friend of mine saw a Sparrowhawk take a Magpie on the weekend
It was very suprised. I'm waiting for pics.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:36, Reply)

do magpies really steal shiny things
or is that a myth?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Crows steal shiny things to decorate their nests.
not very unusual in the bird world
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:54, Reply)

but when I do it
there's hue and cry!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Are you usually dressed as a crow when you shoplift?
Try to dress down when you want to steal something.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Now that you've said that
I really want to dress as a crow and wander round some shops.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 13:11, Reply)