The first thread of the morning should be like the first coffee of the morning.
Full of win.

Unfortunately I'm starting it so it will be full of middle-aged angst, with a smidgeon of sexual innuendo.

How is everyone today?
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:37, 116 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

House Hunting
I think its on sky now rather than Five.

I declare house hunting to be a state of mind and thus is how I am feeling.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:41, Reply)

I used to love watching programmes like that but now I have a house, they don't interest me.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:46, Reply)

I wish Hugh would break character and talk like Bertie Wooster for a moment.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Everyone should talk like Bertie Wooster.
The world would be a better place for it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:55, Reply)

Pip Pip
I'm off in the old jaloppy to see aunt Aggers.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:57, Reply)

I say, how spiffing.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:01, Reply)

i u
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:02, Reply)

I actually do.
It doesn't seem to have made my world much better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Great stand up on links yesterday

www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWb5Qx1X3as
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:08, Reply)

*forwards to home*
Cheers!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Stupid work internet policies

*rattles cages*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Do you?
I don't remember Bertie calling Jeeves a cunt.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Monty is like Bertie on crack.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:15, Reply)

That's in the 'special edition'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Bertie and the crack dealer?
Not one I've read.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Ready to do serious business deals and make my millions by the time I hit 30.
Believe me, I'll do it !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:43, Reply)

How much time do you have Oh masonic one?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:45, Reply)

3 and a half years.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:55, Reply)

So that's about 300 grand a year.
Got any ideas?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:58, Reply)

I would suggest
a sawn-off shotgun, and a balaclava.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:05, Reply)

A few.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:08, Reply)

I've got 4 and a half years
can I play?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Only if you bring your own toys.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Damn I was hoping to ride Gonz's
coat tails.

Bet you thought I was going to say something else then didn't you?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:38, Reply)

: )

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I have 100% confidence that you will.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:47, Reply)

It's gonna happen, I just need someone to kick me up the bumhole every few days to get me to Sort It Out.
I even have a whiteboard !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:57, Reply)

Well if you have a whiteboard then you're half way there.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:01, Reply)

There is even a photo of a smiling dog cut out from a newspaper that my flatmate put up to supprise me !
I'd say that's more like 55%, maybe even 93% if you don't count finances !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Its all about attiude and confidence Gonz
Oh and lashings of luck.

You'll go far.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:18, Reply)

bone tired
just plod through today, try and get to the end of it then line up the next day, repeat.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:48, Reply)

it's like you've been reading the first draft of
my autobiography
( djtrialprice, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I am hungry
Can I have some biscuits please?
( Peej, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Biscuits for breakfast?
Are you mad?

Get some porridge down you.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Can I have some porridge then?
I am at my desk with no food or money and didn't get breakfast. I shan't be having lunch either. Sucks to be me. I demand internet sympathy!
( Peej, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Borrow some money or go to a cash point.
I can't fix your life.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:54, Reply)

I am at least 4 miles from the nearest cashpoint
I do not drive. I don't have my cash cards and its easter holidays so no-one is here to lend me money. I didn't ask you to fix my life I asked for sympathy on the internet and you can even give that. I know where you live. I will hunt you down Blousie.
( Peej, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:58, Reply)

Easter holidays aren't until the weekend after next.
How are you going to hunt me down when you can't even drive.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:00, Reply)

On his steed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:02, Reply)

I work at a University
the lazy fuckers have been off for a week already and have another 3 weeks to go.
( Peej, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:28, Reply)

FOUR WEEKS?
that's fucking outrageous.

when I left uni we were on 2 and a half (and only cause they thought 2 was too little and 3 too much).
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I have a headache, please may i have a head massage?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:56, Reply)

Might be difficult to achieve on-line.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Do you want extras?

( Peej, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:59, Reply)

I'd love a happy ending

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:00, Reply)

I'm rather average today
On one hand, my boss is off.

On the other hand, today is the longest day of any month. The day before payday.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Roll on midnight!
My bank account is looking pathetic this month, stupid car and unexpected bills.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:06, Reply)

I don't get much joy from my wage now that I pay them.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:11, Reply)

I've just found out there's about to be a vacancy in a manager's role at my work
Pros:
- More money
- I can obviously do the job well

Cons:
- All our customers are cunts and my manager seems to spend her day talking to the most extra-specially cunty ones
- My manager's boyfriend has basically been waiting for this opportunity so that he can be anointed
- If you look up "poisoned chalice" in the dictionary there's a picture of my workplace. This is replicated next to "ungodly mess" and "embattled turmoil"

Thoughts?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Go for it.
It will look good on your CV when you eventually get so fed up that you look for work elsewhere.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:14, Reply)

I'm top-hole, thank you.
Yesterday was a pointless waste of holiday.

Took the morning off to have my washing machine repaired, which turned into the whole day off because the chappie was late. He then told me he had to order 5 different parts, some were out of stock and he couldn't tell me (or even estimate from experience - thanks a lot, sweaty African man!)when they'd be in stock.

Bah.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:14, Reply)

That's how it usually goes.
Just been told that we're not having a family meal this weekend which has cheered me up.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:17, Reply)

Fucking families with their meals and disappointment

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Sounds like every episode of Bread.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:23, Reply)

So does my family

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I thought it, you said it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I like to get things out in the open

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:02, Reply)

FLASHER

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:29, Reply)

FLASHER

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:29, Reply)

So good they named it twice.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Haha!
*flashes*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Buy a new one

chances are it'll work out cheaper or at parity.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:17, Reply)

The blasted machine
is just two weeks past the end of its warranty. To shell out £400 less than 13 months after spending the same amount really is just too much to bear. I've done a deal whereby for £125 they'll fix this current disaster and any further ones that may crop up in the next two years.

The whole thing is a fucking nightmare.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Boss, ta!
Tired but chipper.
Can't wait for Easter and I've so many things going on between now and then that I think it'll fly by. I might take a day or two either side to make maximum use of bank holidays.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:21, Reply)

You and the gangsta should go somewhere nice.
But not near any water obviously.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:24, Reply)

I was going to take him up the Liverpool Wheel
but that would be making it too easy for him wouldn't it...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Haha!
I think you'll be ok. Too many witnesses.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:34, Reply)

No the last one was quite fairgroundy and public
This one's more enclosed with private capsules.
Even if he doesn't fling me off, I reckon they might find my head in the champagne fridge.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Classy!

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:40, Reply)

I wonder how many cans of Skol they hold...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:42, Reply)

I promise to be nice
Bumping you off is more of an 8th date kind of thing.
( djtrialprice, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Liverpool will be 5...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I'm a tiny touch hung-over and I've been up since quarter-to-five.
Full of self-doubt but I've just installed Mini 5 so things are looking up.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I'm quite looking forward to not drinking for a while.
And what is Mini 5?
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Is this fully-supa-dupa Mini 5?
Or still beta thingy?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Mobile browser bee gee bee.
It's the full beans now and all the niggles I had with the beta seem to have been worked out so it's looking good.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:04, Reply)

*installs hard*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:05, Reply)

I'm knackered
I've done WiiFit every morning this week and I've had two nights in a row of teaching dance class, followed by my own class tonight and then another teaching class, I think my body will be broken by tomorrow. But that will just make me more susceptible to alcohol which is good, because I'm also broke and have to wait until the 31st for delicious money.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:30, Reply)

*ears prick up*
What kind of dance do you teach?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:49, Reply)

*sits and waits*
:)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:51, Reply)

pole dancing
dirty filthy pole dancing
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:52, Reply)

We have a pole in our front room
Ms Foxtrot is better at it than me but I'm practising

*braces*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:54, Reply)

yay!
I'm jealous, I had to take my pole down when we moved because my current place has false ceilings. I have to make do with practicing in the bar that I teach in, but sometimes people wander upstairs to try and get a free show. They've just asked me if I'll dance there on Saturday nights if they put a pole in the club downstairs, so that'll be pretty easy money.

My pole is currently at my sister's house and her boyfriend plays on it more than her. Boys are naturally good at inverting, which is annoying!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Really?
Whilst that is a disturbingly homoerotic image, I'm trying to suppress any trace of inner shirter by simply considering the physics - surely girls have more weight up top to help them invert...or does that raise their centre of gravity too much?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Depends on the norkage in question
*crass generalisation alert* boys tend to have greater arm strength to assist with the whole lifting principle
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:10, Reply)

No generalisation about it.
It's true.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:15, Reply)

It's all in the arms and stomach
You grasp the pole in both hands and then pull yourself up, tucking your legs up. At the same time you tip your upper body backwards and hook your legs around the pole, upside down. Men have naturally stronger arms and stomachs initially, so when it comes to women first trying to invert the men will beat them every time. I totally pwn my boyfriend now though, I can do more pull ups than him and my stomach is a lot stronger than his. He's lazy though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Well that's my career as a pole dancer fucked then.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:30, Reply)

nah
you'd be surprised how quickly you develop muscles doing pole dancing. All my beginners started out all weak and spaghetti like, but you build up your muscles whilst you're spinning and you don't even notice it. My current beginners have been going about 6 weeks and they just noticed last night that they're developing what they call miniguns
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Don't worry hon!
I don't think anyone would pay to see me gyrating around a pole : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Probably look something like this...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:42, Reply)

ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M A PIECE OF MEAT?

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Yep, pretty much

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Dirty filthy pole dancing is the best kind of pole dancing.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:54, Reply)

thassright!
I try and keep a happy medium between the actual gymnastic moves and the filthy pole riding, but sometimes you just need to lie on the floor to get your breath back, if people think it's part of the routine then no one will notice!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I'm in one of those moods - sorry, but *engages venting mode* -
The singer I was carping about yesterday told me to get to an open mic venue for 6.30. I get there and phone to tell her things aren't starting for an hour or so, when it becomes apparent she hasn't even left. Fortunately she works just round the corner so I assumed she'd be there in about 20 minutes, not the hour later she eventually turned up. I'm starting to feel increasingly like some sort of programmable meat puppet.

And I've got to give some students a viva on their lab reports this morning. Oh joy of joys. Actually they were all really good this time so it shouldn't be too much of an ordeal.

But there is a beer festival in Clapham Junction this evening. Something to look forward to...anyone else fancy a pint?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:54, Reply)

what's a viva?
This woman sounds like a diva. I didn't mean for that to rhyme.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I have been trying to work out whether it's aspiring diva behaviour or just a complete inability to get her act together
And a viva - pronounced 'veye-va,' so don't worry about accidental rhyming - is a short interview where I basically ask them some questions about the experiment they did to make sure they actually understood it and didn't just copy everything off their lab partner or out of a textbook. After which I give them some feedback on their lab book. As I say, they've turned in some really good lab books this time, so it will be easier than the horrors I had at the end of the last cycle.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:02, Reply)

God I'm glad they didn't do that at my school
I would have been fucked. Especially in physics.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Meh. They're undergraduates.
They chose to do physics, ergo they had it coming.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:20, Reply)

that's why I didn't go to university
I can't use words like ergo.

I also don't know how to make html italics.

So much to learn, so little time!!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:27, Reply)

ooh whilst you're here
if you teach physics can you explain rainbows to me please?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I think dogs sick them up.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:29, Reply)

hahaha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:30, Reply)

you missed out the crucial bit
where they have to be kicked to make them sick
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:31, Reply)

kicking dogs until they make a sick
is not where rainbows come from!!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:35, Reply)

It must be true because DonkeyGums said so.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:38, Reply)

^this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Sorry, I had to bugger off to vivafy them as you posted that
So, rainbows: as you are probably aware, the light that reaches us from the sun contains all the basic colours that are visible to us. If we think of light as a wave*, each colour is a different frequency. The sun emits all of these frequencies, and they blend together to give "white light."

Now, think back to the cover of Dark Side of the Moon. This shows a beam of white light passing into a prism, and emerging on the other side as a rainbow at a funny angle. This happens because, when light passes through a different material, its speed changes. So initially it is travelling through air, then it enters the glass and is forced to slow down. Also, because the glass is at an angle to the beam of light, the path of the light bends. This process is called refraction.

Now, different frequencies of light will refract more than others. Blue light has a much higher frequency than red light, and therefore its path is bent at a greater angle. Therefore, when the light emerges from the other side of the prism, the colours have all been refracted to different extents and therefore come out in separate beams, as opposed to the single beam of white light we started with.

In the case of rainbows, you see the same process, except in droplets of water rather than glass prisms.

Does that make sense? I hope I've managed to explain that reasonably well, but it did take a while to get my sister to understand this a few weeks ago so I'll be happy to take questions.

*<sub>It's more complicated than that, but I'll spare you the quantum stuff

PS Ergo is the Latin for "therefore," and HTML italics are achieved by putting an 'i' in triangular brackets (chevrons) to the left of the word and a '/i' in chevrons to the right of the word.</sub>
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 12:08, Reply)

I knew the latin
but not the html, so thanks!

The rainbow was explained by you much better than by my GCSE phsyics teacher, who I think hated me.

Why does the rainbow always have a feinter twin? And why can you not find the end of it? Surely the lightbeams reach the earth at some point?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I must confess I had to head to Wikipedia for that one
But basically in some cases you get a reflection inside the water droplet, so whilst most of the light is refracted through to form the first rainbow, a small amount of it is reflected back in a different direction. Obviously, in order to leave the raindrop, it must go through the same refractive process, and so you see a feinter secondary rainbow.

As for the end of the rainbow, this picture might partly answer your question.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 12:23, Reply)

oooh wow
I was hoping that would be the answer, now I can pursue my official career as a rainbow hunter!!

Thanks for that, I feel enlightened.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 12:33, Reply)

You're very welcome
There's something very satisfying about imparting knowledge to someone else. Especially if they understand whatever I'm blithering about.
*is satisfied*
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Tonight is gym night otherwise I'd be up for some beer

Also I suspect I'll be at work until very late...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Fear not, it's on all weekend
Tonight was just the only evening I was available - it's at Le Gothique.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I'd gladly come along
but alas I am dining with a pal. Next time, old chap, next time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 10:32, Reply)