I wouldn't take it personally
Over a year ago I told someone I didn't want to start a relationship with him. I meant it at the time. Now I'm ok about stuff, I'm hardly going to ring him up and go "Yeah I'm ok now, fancy another go?" Not because I think he's vile or that I was lying at the time, but just that time's moved on and we can become very different people within a year.

A year is a long time and he might have got over everything that was bothering him.
It sucks but it's not an indictment against you. Just timing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:17, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

How the hell can I not take it personally.
I figured he started this relationship with her a few months after finishing with me. He was adamant he wanted to be on his own. It seems he was looking for someone with a fat arse and a few letters after her name.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:28, Reply)

Even a few months is a long time.
If he was screwed up, then worked stuff out, then got with this girl, why does that mean he thinks YOU'RE a loser?
Some people just believe in going forwards not backards. it's not on their radar to ring up a past love and go "Hey, I'm fixed, let's try again." They just want to move on.

Because I've done similar I'm trying to explain it from the opposite side. You and him didn't work because he was in a bad place. Probably didn't cross his mind to open old wounds. He probably gradually realised he was starting to feel comfortable with stuff and it coincided with meeting this girl. Happens time and time again. It's notbody's fault. You don't owe each other anything, but you owe it to yourself and your sanity not to let it eat you up.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:33, Reply)

I couldn't agree with you more
My bf and I started going out a few months after his ex-wife left him. A lot of his friends think this happened too quick and he must have been faking all the pain of having to divorce her (he didn't want at all and had some very bad time)

Then, through all the bad moments, he started to pick up very quickly and before we realized we were thinking as a couple.

I think getting engaged is a bit too much, though. It means not only that you are feeling better, but that you're so good that you are ready to commit again. I understand why it feels so bad, but don't blame yourself. If it's the person I think it is, it might be that he needed something simple and vry much at hand.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 8:38, Reply)

He kept saying over and over again that he would wanted to start a proper relationship with me once his head was in a better place.
Then he tells me he wants to be alone.

Then he gets engaged to another woman.

Make of that what you will.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:46, Reply)

His head's seriously fucked up
And you're well out of it.

You'll find someone more worthy of yourself sooner or later.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:49, Reply)

But his head wasn't in the right place
So how did he know how he was going to feel on the other side?
He shouldn't have made a promise like that, because things change and people change and feelings change.
But come on, nobody does that on purpose. And if he DID lie on purpose, why the hell are you still bothered that some other stupid bitch has got herself saddled to him.
Either he's a nice bloke who was screwed up and not capable of making promises, so give him a break. Or he was a lying bastard from the start, so why are you wishing you were the poor engaged cow who's got him now?
Either way Blousie, I'd say you were better off right now..
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Well I know for a fact he can lie to me.
Still all of what you said doesn't make me feel any better. As your well aware I am not a person that get's attention from the opposite sex very often.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Well believe me,
getting lots of the wrong attention is no better than getting scant attention.
If he's a liar, then you don't need him. I'm glad he's engaged. It means you're safe from him for the time being.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:04, Reply)

I'm just fucked off that I'm back where I was a year ago.
Sitting at work crying my eyes out and all the self esteem I'd crawled back is gone again.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:10, Reply)

It's ok to feel bad
Just don't let your self esteem go away. You are the most important person right now, and you know you are good.

He's taken enough from you, don't let him hurt you more.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 9:18, Reply)

As I said before
I think the only reason why you don't get more attention is because you really think you are not good enough.

Believe me, a bit of self esteem works miracles with these things. I've gone through that. Years and years of believing I'd never get a bf because there was something wrong with me. As soon as I started to get positive and brave, things went much better.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 9:09, Reply)

He was stringing you along
in case he didn't get a better offer.

You'll hear from him again.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:53, Reply)

A fat arse and a few letters after her name?
Like an overweight version of Becky then?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:42, Reply)

I'm offended by that

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:28, Reply)

he could have left out the "overweight"

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:08, Reply)