Good morning!
Last night I found out that the guy who dumped me over a year ago because he was scared of starting another relationship with someone due to his past crappy relationships and wanted to be alone for a while, is now engaged to someone else.

I feel like the world has been playing a big joke on me and this is the punchline.

I don't want pandering fellow B3tans, I want answers.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 7:47, 109 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

S'just blokes, innit
they're like that.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:08, Reply)

I wouldn't take it personally
Over a year ago I told someone I didn't want to start a relationship with him. I meant it at the time. Now I'm ok about stuff, I'm hardly going to ring him up and go "Yeah I'm ok now, fancy another go?" Not because I think he's vile or that I was lying at the time, but just that time's moved on and we can become very different people within a year.

A year is a long time and he might have got over everything that was bothering him.
It sucks but it's not an indictment against you. Just timing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:17, Reply)

How the hell can I not take it personally.
I figured he started this relationship with her a few months after finishing with me. He was adamant he wanted to be on his own. It seems he was looking for someone with a fat arse and a few letters after her name.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:28, Reply)

Even a few months is a long time.
If he was screwed up, then worked stuff out, then got with this girl, why does that mean he thinks YOU'RE a loser?
Some people just believe in going forwards not backards. it's not on their radar to ring up a past love and go "Hey, I'm fixed, let's try again." They just want to move on.

Because I've done similar I'm trying to explain it from the opposite side. You and him didn't work because he was in a bad place. Probably didn't cross his mind to open old wounds. He probably gradually realised he was starting to feel comfortable with stuff and it coincided with meeting this girl. Happens time and time again. It's notbody's fault. You don't owe each other anything, but you owe it to yourself and your sanity not to let it eat you up.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:33, Reply)

I couldn't agree with you more
My bf and I started going out a few months after his ex-wife left him. A lot of his friends think this happened too quick and he must have been faking all the pain of having to divorce her (he didn't want at all and had some very bad time)

Then, through all the bad moments, he started to pick up very quickly and before we realized we were thinking as a couple.

I think getting engaged is a bit too much, though. It means not only that you are feeling better, but that you're so good that you are ready to commit again. I understand why it feels so bad, but don't blame yourself. If it's the person I think it is, it might be that he needed something simple and vry much at hand.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 8:38, Reply)

He kept saying over and over again that he would wanted to start a proper relationship with me once his head was in a better place.
Then he tells me he wants to be alone.

Then he gets engaged to another woman.

Make of that what you will.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:46, Reply)

His head's seriously fucked up
And you're well out of it.

You'll find someone more worthy of yourself sooner or later.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:49, Reply)

But his head wasn't in the right place
So how did he know how he was going to feel on the other side?
He shouldn't have made a promise like that, because things change and people change and feelings change.
But come on, nobody does that on purpose. And if he DID lie on purpose, why the hell are you still bothered that some other stupid bitch has got herself saddled to him.
Either he's a nice bloke who was screwed up and not capable of making promises, so give him a break. Or he was a lying bastard from the start, so why are you wishing you were the poor engaged cow who's got him now?
Either way Blousie, I'd say you were better off right now..
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Well I know for a fact he can lie to me.
Still all of what you said doesn't make me feel any better. As your well aware I am not a person that get's attention from the opposite sex very often.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Well believe me,
getting lots of the wrong attention is no better than getting scant attention.
If he's a liar, then you don't need him. I'm glad he's engaged. It means you're safe from him for the time being.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:04, Reply)

I'm just fucked off that I'm back where I was a year ago.
Sitting at work crying my eyes out and all the self esteem I'd crawled back is gone again.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:10, Reply)

It's ok to feel bad
Just don't let your self esteem go away. You are the most important person right now, and you know you are good.

He's taken enough from you, don't let him hurt you more.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 9:18, Reply)

As I said before
I think the only reason why you don't get more attention is because you really think you are not good enough.

Believe me, a bit of self esteem works miracles with these things. I've gone through that. Years and years of believing I'd never get a bf because there was something wrong with me. As soon as I started to get positive and brave, things went much better.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 9:09, Reply)

He was stringing you along
in case he didn't get a better offer.

You'll hear from him again.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:53, Reply)

A fat arse and a few letters after her name?
Like an overweight version of Becky then?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:42, Reply)

I'm offended by that

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:28, Reply)

he could have left out the "overweight"

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:08, Reply)

What's the betting you were a lot like the people from his past relationships?
And he had chosen you because you were the same for a comfortable rebound?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 10 May 2010, 8:21, Reply)

People suck
Generally.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:24, Reply)

This is the answer. Domt need to think about it any further.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:00, Reply)

I'm like a misanthropic zen master

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Engaged? That's crap!
But I agree with Roota, although I've never done anything like that I can understand why shit like this happens.

The fact is that you're a lovely girl and shouldn't think about him anymore. Just think of all the good things you have and why you're so lucky. I honestly think your only problem to get a good man is you lack a bit of confidence. Once you have that sorted I belive your problem will be solved.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 8:33, Reply)

Men who drag their feet are a colossal pain in the ass.
I have lost all respect for them. It screams volumes about them rather than you.
I really hope you meet a bloke who's in the same headspace that you are. Don't settle for less.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:42, Reply)

Engagement doesn't mean running off into the sunset immediately
When I got engaged to Ballunatic, it was on the understanding that we'd have at least 3 years to think about things and grow up / mature a bit.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Mon 10 May 2010, 8:43, Reply)

It still means you're betting high for that person
And made your choice. If he was feeling so bad I can't see how he can be so sure of something so important so quickly.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Hmmm. Perhaps it means different things to different people.
When I got engaged we went to the Register Office and gave notice of marriage - that's what it meant to us.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Yeah, I reckon it's like a provisional licence
You know you can drive around on it for ages without sitting your test, but there's not really much point to that.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:50, Reply)

I know people who were engaged for ten years
They wanted to show they were more than just 'going out' but they didn't feel the hurry to go down the aisle.
It does indeed mean different things to different people.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

I don't know what age you got engaged
But we decided to get engaged before we went to university, and get married once we had our degrees. It gave us time to learn how to live independently etc before moving in with each other for life, straight off.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Mon 10 May 2010, 21:21, Reply)

I only do pandering, sorry.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Roota's right, and I can't add anything to her sage insight.
I just asked a girl out for the first time in four years and I'm pretty pleased with myself.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:56, Reply)

GET THE FUCK IN!
Aw that's boss, Noel.
Hope you enjoy the whole ting.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 8:58, Reply)

Well, I enjoyed asking her.
She hasn't said yes yet, but I feel reasonably positive. It's a big step.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Heggzackly
But that's what i mean about enjoying the whole thing.
The building up to asking, the asking, the waiting. Oooh how exciting.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Yay.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:01, Reply)

So long as she didn't burst out laughing when you asked.
You're probably going to be onto a winner.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:03, Reply)

don't get his hopes up there are many many things that can go wrong

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Aw, don't be such a misery.
Let him find out just how cruel this world is for himself.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Well done
And good luck. I hope she says yes.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 9:05, Reply)

You think that's tough,
I saw this on /talk just before going to bed: www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4zw99VsoMA
I dreamt that she was chasing me.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Christ
That was worse than my nightmare on Sunday morning.
And that involved the end of the world.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Even I could run away from her.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Yeah, it wasn't hard just terrifying, it was downhill too
so she had the help of gravity.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Oh my god she could have rolled after you
like that boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Did you watch that all the way through and get the calorie count?
Not fat by accident!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 10 May 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I bet you didn't really care what he was doing before you found out he was engaged.
Now you can't have him he seems like the perfect guy.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:21, Reply)

He was the perfect guy to start with.
THAT'S WHY I'M UPSET.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Oh he was the perfect guy?
Bad luck.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:26, Reply)

He wasn't perfect though
he's manipulative and indecisive. You'd never be happy with someone like that. Unless being treated like dirt is your thang, which I hope it's not.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:41, Reply)

It looks like being treated like dirt is all I can get.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Usually one's perfect partner isn't four thousand miles away across a huge expanse of sea.
Unless you work on a cable-laying ship or something.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Why wouldn't it be?

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:44, Reply)

because forriners are pricks

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I was being flippant
but I do actually think that the ideal relationship is where the two people involved can actually touch each other occasionally.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:47, Reply)

We did.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:49, Reply)

I know, but I'm talking about daily.
I'll shut up though.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:50, Reply)

He's in Canada or America?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:48, Reply)

America.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:50, Reply)

That puts a different slant on things, Blousie
Extra-long-distance or the prospect of emigration could kinda put you off anyone.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:53, Reply)

It's not like it came as a big surprise I lived in another country.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Well, when you're in the flushes of being into someone
you can ignore reality and practicality.
Was one of you thinking of relocating?
It's just that you're putting this down to you and letting it affect your self-esteem and I'm just thinking it's circumstances. And yes, maybe he led you along, but one of you moving to another country while his head was all over the place? Bit risky.
You should be glad it didn't happen. Really.
OR he's a cunt who fancied a shag and a trip to England or fancied having an English philly over for a shag. If this is the case you should be DOUBLE glad you're rid.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:58, Reply)

He was not the perfect guy.
He was faking it and couldn't keep the act going.
Sounds like he knows how to attract, but not keep, girls. And he surely doesn't value them.
If he has had so many 'failures' in his past he will probably keep having them. Bet they don't get married at all.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Oh dear
This makes sense...WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE WORLD, WHEN CHOMPY IS RIGHT?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:44, Reply)

And just to make the joke more funny....
They're playing Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive' on the radio.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Just imagine how Jeff would feel, if he found out you were not available anymore.
I'm sure he would go right round and punch the guy's lights out.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Jeff is all I have left to cling to.
If he deserts me as well then I think it would be the end of me.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Jeff doesn't trifle with other people's feelings.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Nope! I can't think of anything pudding related to reply with.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Do you feel like life is crumbling all around you?
Rice to the occasion,
etc.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:01, Reply)

he did dessert you

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I think Roota is nearly right
but sadly I feel you would be right to take it personally - when he was seeing you he couldn't see himself in a long term relationship and then he met someone he felt he could marry.

It's really shit but that's life: really shit.

Sorry I've had an awful weekend and am not in a position to offer 'ray of sunshine' platitudes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Thank you for seeing it my way.
I just wasn't good enough.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:55, Reply)

You know that's not true
The distance probably made it too difficult for him.

It's not about good or bad. He wanted someone different. He shouldn't have kept you thinking you had a chance, but it's not your fault.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Maybe HE didn't think you were right for HIM
It doesn't mean you're 'not good enough' in general.
I'm sure I've let some right crackers go, because of my own fears. i'm sure to god they're happy somewhere now and not sitting thinking "If Roota didn't want me, nobody will want me". They just weren't right for ME.
He's not been right in the head by the sounds of it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:01, Reply)

'I've let some right crackers go'
Well I hope you've opened a window.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I'm like an accordion!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Hahaha
That's a wonderful mental image right there.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:07, Reply)

What, good at ruining nipples if played naked?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Oh well, why not -
Roota's got a squeeze box
She wears on her chest
And when DJ comes home
He never gets no rest

'Cause she's playing all night
And the music's all right
Mama's got a squeeze box
Daddy never sleeps at night

Well the kids don't eat
And the dog can't sleep
There's no escape from the music
In the whole damn street

'Cause she's playing all night
And the music's all right
Mama's got a squeeze box
Daddy never sleeps at night

She goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out

Cause' she's playing all night
And the music's all right
Mama's got a squeeze box
Daddy never sleeps at night

She goes, squeeze me, come on and squeeze me
Come on and tease me like you do
I'm so in love with you
Mama's got a squeeze box
Daddy never sleeps at night
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Larry, I love that song
And now I love you too
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:32, Reply)

xx

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

It doesn't seem I'm right for anybody.
One day that might actually sink in and I give up.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I give up

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I'm sorry. I'm just pissed that I'm going to have to MTFU again.
It was hard enough last time. At least I'm off my food again which is always a bonus.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:15, Reply)

So -
slimmer, sexy, single - it's going to be a hot summer.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Heart break
diet.

Replace food with vodka. It's the only time one can do without. My rapidly expanding but happy ass speaks from experience.

GOTW x
(GirlOfTheWorld, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

You are right there
How can you bee good for anyone if you're not good for yourself?

Who wants to go out with someone who thinks is bad, not good enough and can't give anything good to a relationship?

I talk from experience. Start liking yourself and you'll have to worry about too much attention. Start thinking all the good things you have to offer.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:16, Reply)

It's a bit late in the day to change the habits of a lifetime.
But thanks for the kind words.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Why is it too late?
Even if you were to die tomorrow, it's never too late. If you don't like something about you, try to change it. It'll be difficult, but at least you know you want to do it, so in fact, you have an advantage compare with 20 years ago, when you didn't know what you wanted to change.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Nope.
Good enough doesn't come into it. You simply weren't what he wanted\needed. Big difference.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:06, Reply)

We wouldn't expect anything less.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Roota done said it all BGB.
He sounds a waste of space.
You're a lovely person and - unless you're completely different off board - someone will notice that soon.
Just imagine how much worse you'd feel if you were stuck with The Waste of Space and then met Mr Perfect.
Fix that make up girl - you might meet him lunchtime.

Have a cuddle - *cuddles*
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:09, Reply)

She said she didn't want pandering.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I heard her fine, Noel.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Ah, ignore me.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Did you want a cuddle too?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:31, Reply)

*blushes*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Ah - is ickle Godzilla shy?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:44, Reply)

You should focus your energies on something else instead of a potential life partner, something more attainable for the love-inapt*.
Like maybe a career in Rock'n'Roll, I can see you doing something like that, I reckon if you started a Semisonic Revival band, you'd make a fortune and everyone would be happy. Then, during this, you might find someone else who also loves 90s semi-popular band Semisonic, you'll find that you have something in common, like how you both think that Feeling Strangly Fine is the greatest one-hit-wonder album ever produced ever.

Or maybe Third Eye Blind, they were great too.

* I'm including myself in this one.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 May 2010, 12:43, Reply)

You know that person who took photos of dogs using a fisheye lens?
Well, I bet, at the time, they were the happiest people on the planet, at least for a while.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 May 2010, 12:44, Reply)

There are people who drive trains on the tube, and they get paid for it too !
I'd love to do a bit of that, just bung my headphones on and drive from stop to stop. Am I going to stop in perfect time? NOBODY KNOWS ! Can he do it? CAN HE DO IT? YESSSS ! PERFECT STOPPAGE !!!! *runs around my little train controlling hut with top off.

And I'd be able to put my headphones on quiet (so I can still hear instructions), and spend all day every day getting paid to get Third Eye Blind lyrics perfect every time, in case they bring them out on rockband.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 May 2010, 12:46, Reply)

ORRR ORRR I KNOW I KNOW ORRRR....
Have you tried opiets? They're lovely, they make you feel like you're getting a hug from a hot water bottle inside a teddy bear inside your chest and head.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 May 2010, 12:47, Reply)

You could volentire at the euthinasia department at your local vets, that'll be a laugh.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 May 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Officelols!

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Me too.
Gonz - you are priceless.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I'm sorry, hun.
Hugs xx
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 10 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Well, this was certainly fun to awaken to.
I got an email this morning telling me that she was not at all happy about having her fat arse being bandied about in here. As she happens to be in Alaska this morning, we can't exactly discuss it very easily. Perhaps it's just as well that she's not here, as I'm in an ugly mood.

Since this is to be done publicly, let's do it right, shall we?

Put yourself in my place for a bit. I'm a divorced father of three extremely bright young adults who consider their mother to be in fact insane. Over the past ten years I've had a large number of relationships that just didn't work out. Why? Because living with a guy who has that sort of burden on him is not easy at all. I had the Travel Agent living with me, and she felt like she was in competition with them and things got unstable fast. I had the Lunatic Artist living with me, and she has a condition that will require her to be on meds for the rest of her life. She too found that she was having a big problem dealing with living with me, and it degenerated enough to where I had to move her out before something really dire happened to her.

Life with me is not easy at all, apparently, no matter how I try. My house tends to be pretty chaotic at the best of times.

That said, I do get lonely like everyone else, and don't like being single. As things with the Lunatic Artist were dying down into the last terrible death throes and the melodrama washed over me in waves, I made the move in a moment of terrible judgment to become involved with someone on the other side of the fucking ocean. As my feelings got involved in England and I felt like there was nothing but madness and chaos here, I was very seriously considering moving over there.

Over the next few months it looked more and more appealing to me, and god knows we had a very good time when we were together over here as well. But then came that final chunk of melodrama that decisively cut off any and all contact that I had with the Lunatic Artist, and when the dust finally settled I started to really think hard about what I was doing.

Consider: there are two possible scenarios that it could have taken- I could uproot and move over there, or you could uproot and move over here. What are the ramifications of each?

If I were to leave here, that would mean abandoning my kids, basically. As I said, they consider their mother to be crazy. They don't deal well with her, and for good reason- in fact, she is crazy. I've had to do the work of two parents for the past twenty years. If I left and they had only her, it would not turn out well for any of them.

If you had moved over here it would be simpler in some ways but harder in others. Given my track record with relationships and how they unravel when they actually have to live with me, it would be a huge risk on your part to move over here. I mean, moving from one city to another for someone is a pretty big leap. Moving from, say, New York to Virginia would be an even bigger leap. But moving from one country to another? Having to adapt to a whole new culture, having to leave most of your possessions behind because of the cost of shipping them, throwing everything you have on the faith that a romantic relationship would work out? That's starting to get really fucking scary. What if you got here and six months later you found that you couldn't handle the stress of living with me?

I thought long and hard about that. I have enough bad things on my conscience as it is, things that still come back to haunt me in the night when I hit a depression. If this didn't work out, would I want that on my conscience as well?

I thought long and hard, then made the hard decision to end things because the risk was far too high for my liking.

And yes, I figured that I would end up not ever getting into a relationship again. I'd have flings with women and have sex and good times, but no more than that. Romance doesn't seem to work out well for me.

Then the unexpected happened, and I found someone who liked me and liked my kids and had enough of a life of her own that she had no need to compete with the kids for my attention- if I need to focus on them more, she has plenty of work to do. We fit together uncommonly well, and after about six months she moved in with me. She still has her house but keeps it rented out for now, and has been testing the waters so to speak with living here. So far so good, and yes we did get engaged. No one is more surprised by that than me.

I've been keeping very quiet about it because I didn't want to hurt your feelings as has already happened now, thanks to Facebook. I was trying to avoid causing you more pain than I already have. Guess that didn't work out.

So there you have it. I didn't lie. It wasn't just a casual fling to fill in time, it was something that I was feeling thoroughly but then stopped because the risk was too great for truly epic disaster. I had gotten caught up in the rush of new love and hadn't been very rational about it, but then had to start really considering the realities and came to the obvious painful conclusion. Because I didn't want to take a chance on doing terrible injury to someone that I really liked and had feelings for, I felt it best to end it before things had progressed too far. Call me a bastard if you wish. I've been called worse.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 May 2010, 17:30, Reply)

So Romance doesn't work out well for you but your already engaged to her after a short time.
Maybe it's just as well you thought WE didn't fit uncommonly well. Give her my best wishes, she's going to need it.

Oh and your post was pointless. No-one on here really gives a shit about my love life. Just forum banter innit.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 18:06, Reply)

I love horses, best of all the animals :o)

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 11 May 2010, 22:53, Reply)