The most peculiar email I've received for quite some time
In my inbox this morning:
"Hi,

If you are beaming interstellar radio messages into the universe for your scientific experiments, you may consider using any or all of the information provided in my email signature or the attached PDF document (including my own photos). I would like to let the ETs know of my existence. We may be able to make contact with highly intelligent and advanced space-faring alien civilizations with time travel capability one day and perhaps request them to give all mankind immortality from the very beginning of human civilization. If alien lifeforms can reach us, they probably travel faster than the speed of light or transit through worm holes.

Thank you very much for your attention and consideration,"

Followed by links to various photos of the fellow and a run-down of his details, even down to his blood group, and, best of all,
"DNA Sequence: I have not tested it yet (as at 13 May 2010 Thursday)."

Did anyone else receive this? Is this a very cleverly disguised viral scam or is this bloke completely off his rocker? Either way, I found this quite amusing...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:56, 103 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

why on earth would we want to give everyone immortality from the beginning of our civilisation?
that is one of the most stupid ideas I've ever heard.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Yep, way to stop human development.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:00, Reply)

if someone is going to send out a mental email like that
you'd expect them to have put a little more thought into the details
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Does he mean that everyone who had ever lived
Would still be alive? Because that is a fucking lot of people.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:23, Reply)

indeed
106,456,367,669 as of 2002 apparently
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I wonder where he intends us to put all these people.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:27, Reply)

there's still plenty of room
current population is about 6% of that (roughly)

couldn't feed them all obviously, but we could put them all somewhere
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Maybe the aliens would take some off our hands
For slavery, and experiments and the like.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:30, Reply)

that's a sensible solution
they could toil in their sugar mines.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Who had to become slaves could be determined either by lottery,
Or by a panel of judges, to get rid of all the cunts. Obviously monty couldn't be on this panel, or there would be no one left.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

It would just be Monty
and Bowie left and no-one else.

"Dave dave dave! Call me Mick. Let's go dancing in the street!"
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Followed by the biggest, longest, and most intense bumming session
The world has ever seen.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Shame we'll be too busy
toiling in the sugar to point and laugh :(
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

We can set up cameras before we leave
And then broadcast it all over the solar system.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I really like the idea of Monty's
top secret mancrush on Bowie being known by all life forms in the universe.
Morbo: "This just in..."
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

There's more people alive now than have ever lived
/fact I read somewhere or something.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I think that is wrong
judging by what I just read
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Are you calling me wrong on the internet?
YOU CUNT!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:31, Reply)

you shouldn't underline stuff
it makes me think it's a link and then when it isn't I'm just disappointed.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:33, Reply)

It's a different colour silly.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:36, Reply)

that depends
I have links as green with used links in black
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

silly
you stupid cunt
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Strikethroughs don't work when you do it on your own post.
A mouseover would have been more appropriate here. 2/10.

And don't be mean.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I'm only joking, I'm sure kitty knows that.
Also stop judging me.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:45, Reply)

But it's so easy.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

So are you.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

After friday night,
I can no longer dispute this fact.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Seeing as you're so desperate to tell us what happened on friday
I'm not going to ask you.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I've already told one of my favourite B3tans,
And I can tell my other favourite tomorrow.
So that's fine. You would only get insanely jealous anyway.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

:D
I'm honoured
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I think I'm honoured too
and excited about pending gossip :D
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Wow, Capitals, bold AND underline.
Don't get your knickers in a twist.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:35, Reply)

srs bsns

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I bet HE'D like to etc etc

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:45, Reply)

yes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:36, Reply)

The world's population doubles every
40 years so that's probably true. Capitalism works best with an increasing population. But the worlds running out of resources (food, water, energy, space). Fun times over the next few decades.
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:31, Reply)

that's far too simplistic and doesn't account for much stuff that has happened in the last 50000 years
might have been the case for the last couple of hundred years
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Ok
I don't know for how long that hard and fast rule has been the case (it was told to me at uni by a statistics lecturer). Even if it's only been true for the last 50 years or so it's still worrying.
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

p.s.
UR COMPLEETLEE RONG ON TEH INTERWEBZ
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:45, Reply)

indeed it is
another 6 billion in 40 years time wouldn't be much fun

we need something to happen to wipe out loads of people
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Or people could realise that
not everyone has to procreate. I don't intend to.
unless I get Roota reeeeeeally drunk
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I don't intend to either
I doubt that'd be hard
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Not if he was drunk too, no

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

- I heard he was soft on you.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 17 May 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Aw Larry
You old romantic.
I bloody love you.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Too late
I've actually been taking Canderel tabs every morning.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Have you all forgotten her two forms of contraception?
One of them being absolutely foolproof.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Eggzackly!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Form 1: separate beds
Form 2: a whack from a cold teaspoon
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I already have an idea for a lovely virus,
Combining flu and ebola. As soon as they give me free run in a lab, I'm on it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:48, Reply)

nice
remember to give a few of us a heads-up before you release it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Will do.
Anyway, it would be stupid to release it before I had a working vaccine.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Surely we're exactly the kind of people
she had in mind when plotting to decimate the world's population
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

what, witty, erudite people?
also, I'm a civil engineer. I have important skills.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

No, terrible penises
I was going to start in America anyway.

And I don't want skills, I want skillz.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I would boost the morale of the intellingent people

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:56, Reply)

you certainly manage to do it for me
and boost my morale
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:01, Reply)

So I get to live, right?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:06, Reply)

it's not up to me I'm afraid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Get it right up yez ya doss c***!
I'm an uncivil engineer
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

flebola

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Eeeh
That sounds vile!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I never get interesting emails : (
(not counting those from friends obviously)
( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Are you sure this isn't a business opportunity from a prince in Omecron-Persei-8?
he just needs an interstellar bank account number
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Sounds like a wind up from someone on Omega-Tau.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 17 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Is that a space version of Off-Topic?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:33, Reply)

bingo

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 17 May 2010, 12:16, Reply)

What would worry me
is how someone that patently cuckoo has got hold of your email address - I assume it's your academic one?
(berk, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Yup.
Judging from the list of recipients, he's going through the list of contacts for my department. And I think he's going through the whole lot, because judging from the list of surnames, he's still in the middle of those starting with 'B.' I think quite a large number of people are going to be perplexed over the course of the next couple of days.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Did you send this message?
Are you trying to be funny again? Rememebr what happened last time with the angry man and the ferret
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:27, Reply)

sounds like he's not all there
pub-lunacy for the 21st century. Though it would make his day if you replied
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

morning
I'm about halfway through Gateway (I think). Thanks for the recommendation I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

gave me weird dreams last night though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Glad you're enjoying it
I've probably mentioned it before, but the computer code pages are the first example of a made-up machine code in literature :)

What did you dream of?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:48, Reply)

you had mentioned it, but I'd forgotten
it's surprisingly modern. I love the fact that they haven't got a clue how the technology works, and that the future is pretty grubby.

Basically being on one of the ships on the way somewhere, with the crampedness and the dread. Woke up a couple of times and fell right back into it after
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

The only thing that dates it a bit
is the overreliance on Freud.

That doesn't sound a pleasant dream at all. Oh, meant to ask, how did you get on with the Robin Hobb/ J.V. Jones?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

really enjoyed the soldier son stuff
not quite as much as the farseer ones or the liveships, but still good. not what I was expecting either, with the massive fatness etc.

Not read any of the newer JV Jones, but I intend to check them out.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:56, Reply)

That book made me want to go on an immediate strict diet
But yes the Farseer ones are better- have you read the Fool's Trilogy yet?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:58, Reply)

the tawny man stuff?
if so, yes
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:03, Reply)

was so sad
that that was the end. I loved the trilogy hugely, but the ending was wrong and a bit shit
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I need to reread them I think
thoroughly enjoyable

have you read the Rainwild Chronicles?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I haven't
I bought myself some books while in London (only I wander into Camden and come out not with clothes or anything useful, but with four books and a t-shirt.) However they only had it in hardback for about £20, so I opted for some cheaper stuff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I don't check my email much.
Never really anything of note.

I've no idea why anyone would want to send ME, of all people, information about beaming shit into space.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

You can't beam shit into space
you have to send it on a rocket. Protected by arrogant american packaging
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Haven't they sent music into space?
If they beamed U2 into space, that counts as shit.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Guess who's coming to London!
Go on, guess!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH
Mi casa es su casa, etc etc etc
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

:D *excites*
I'm going to megabus it and come down on the 17th so I can see some uni friends before I b3ta it up.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

If you want to go out on Thursday (even with your friends)
go to Candybox. It's 5th. Or as close as I can get :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:01, Reply)

They're Oceana people
From what I've heard about it, this makes me sadface.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I've not yet been
I feel like an infinitely better person
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:19, Reply)

See you there

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:06, Reply)

^
said in creepy stalkerish way, not in friendly casual way.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:31, Reply)

YOU'RE MEAN

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:35, Reply)

you called me a stupid cunt!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I'm allowed to be mean to you.
It's fun.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:40, Reply)

No you're not.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:42, Reply)

it's equally fun being mean to you
because I know you can't take it as much as you like to dish it out
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I can't believe you said that.
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Your whole world has just come crashing down hasn't it?
Being mean makes me hungry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:47, Reply)

I'm going to write a poem about this betrayal.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:49, Reply)

in your big gay journal?
make sure you remember to lock it afterwards so no one reads it. Maybe write in code.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:53, Reply)

You could be invaluable to his grand* plan
After all, if the aliens bring immortality to everyone who ever lived, we'll need someone who can talk to and hopefully relate to all the confused Greeks and Romans who've suddenly winked back into existence.

*_{Batfuck insane}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I could think of nothing more unpleasant than immortality.
If I could meet anyone, I'd sit in a bar with Aristophanes and Catullus, cracking cock jokes and discussing Catullus' lady problems. Juvenal would sit making observational comedic remarks, and Socrates would be that annoying guy who tries to be clever in the wrong situations and end up annoying everyone.

Of course, Diogenes would be in a barrel, wanking.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 12:46, Reply)