Right, rather than sitting about being miserable, what Aberracion needs to do is come up with an appropriate Spanish phrase for me.

We're going to Santa Susanna in Spain next week and are planning to take the train to Barcelona one day. Everyone we've mentioned this to has immediately said that we need to be very wary of pick-pockets in Barcelona. I thought I would counter this by leaving an old empty wallet in my back pocket as a decoy. Then it struck me that I should put a note to the pick-pocket in it. What should I put?
(Cave Duck, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:19, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Búscate un trabajo y que te folle un pez

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Something to do with fish?

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Look here, can everyone stop posting what I'm about the post in the (ridiculously long) time it takes me to formulate and type what I want to say.
Bah!
(Cave Duck, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Eh!

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

- I was just typing that too!

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 12:32, Reply)

My fave Spanish swear...
"Me cago en tus muertos" which I am told is "I shit on your ancestors".
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:01, Reply)

I shit on your dead ancestors, in fact
Me cago en tu puta madre is not bad either: I shit on your whore mother.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Ooh thanks for that one.
*runs to La Tasca*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:20, Reply)

i really don't get this obsession with shitting in everything here
especially the milk
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Agreed.
Have a wank in the milk and no one would notice.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I like
Me cago en todo lo que se menea: I shit on everything/one that moves.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Well there's your problem with today
You have the squits.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Oh
That explains this feeling in my guts. Thanks Doctor.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Off you go then.
Plenty of fluids, eat bananas and if you are still having problems try some immodium or a butt plug.
Next.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:47, Reply)

alternatively
chupatela, cabrón
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:25, Reply)

That's more mexican than Spanish
But very good
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:04, Reply)

i would hope by now to have some mastery of the language
since i've been here 4 years already
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I should hope so!
Maybe you have some mexican friends who told you that one? Or maybe Spaniards have copied it. I've been 5 years in the UK, so I realise some times I'm a bit out of date with slang and insults in my language.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

i dont know any mexicans
and apart from the cabrón part, it seems to get thrown around quite a bit these days
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I have the feeling
That I'm going to have to ask you for late slang/insults before I go to Spain again.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:45, Reply)

And I think it's a brilliant idea
Be very carefull. I've been robbed several times in Las Ramblas and La Barceloneta (the beach). Especially at the beach, don't leave your bags next to you and chat with your friends. Someone will come to ask for a cigarrette and before you know he'll be running away with your things (don't follow him, he'll have friends with knifes waiting) Hold your bags all the time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Thanks for the advice and the phrase.
I think pez is fish, but could you give the translation, please. (Clearly I'll be doing lots of pointing and saying "Uno of thoso, por favor" in a very English accent next week)
(Cave Duck, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

It's a bit complicated in English
Búscate un trabajo: Go, find a job

Y que te folle un pez: and that a fish fucks you

It's quite a rude sentence, but we say it very often when we are fed up, a bit like your piss off, but then, we're usually more rude than you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 11:48, Reply)

there are certainly
some scummer little bastards around here.

some fucker tried to nick my wallet out my pocket once - unluckily for him, the pockets on those denims are quite tight, so he ended up with his hand stuck in my pocket
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:28, Reply)

pocket anus.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:37, Reply)

also
don't go round the Nou Camp after dark
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I've been mistaken for a prostitute there
I didn't enjoy it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:39, Reply)

ouch

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I was only 16 as well
So I didn't know how to react. I was well scared.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:44, Reply)

were you there after dark?
i found out one night i went out cycling - ended up a little lost somewhere between the stadium and the town nearby, and followed the tram tracks back.

i don't think a single one of them is actually a woman (born or fully operated)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:57, Reply)

It wasn't too dark
The sun was going down, but not dark. It was summer and I was wearing hot pants and a little top, and a taxi driver stopped and started asking me questions that I didn't understand at that moment.

Later, explaining to my parents, they told me what happened, and ask me not to go around there at those hours again.

Now, where I live in Manchester is becoming like the Nou Camp
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

hahaha

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:19, Reply)