Self-pity whinge.
I have one swollen ankle. Not both; one. I thought it was hilarious until I googled it and saw that it could be a sign of DVT or pre-eclampsia. A phonecall later to the hospital and I have been told to put my feet up, drink loads of water and see what happens. I'm now paranoid about blood clots and I look more ridiculous than usual. I look fullterm with an enormous bump and Catface has been mocking me by imitating whale song when I go to have a bath. Seven weeks to go. Bah.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 20 May 2010, 21:46, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bugger, I clicked i like this instead of reply. Sorry
It's probably just water retention. That doesn't help much I know, but punch catface for me. You'll feel better for it and you can blame me.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 20 May 2010, 21:49, Reply)

I have to wait until he comes in within arm's reach
but when he does, I'll punch him in the cock. It's what al would want.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 20 May 2010, 21:54, Reply)

It's what we all want.
We want that for Al, too.
( thealternativefact, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:00, Reply)

I'm gonna bring the smackdown to Catface
if he mocks you when I'm there.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 May 2010, 21:55, Reply)

He's very supportive really.
When we were told to "draw our ideal birth experience" at NCT antenatal class he nobly refrained from depicting the chestbursting scene from Alien.
He's going to be in charge of roast potatoes when you come for Sunday dinner so we can't anger him.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:00, Reply)

have you enjoyed your nct classes?
we had to design our ideal pain relief drug, and my undergrad days kicked in, so I started designing one that would treat parasitic diseases in rural africa - so didn't need to be refrigerated, oral delivery, 1 dose, then realised that it was a jokey exercise, not a graded essay.
( ascorbate, Fri 21 May 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I've enjoyed meeting the people
and seeing other massive bumps. The actual class is a bit too treehuggy for me. The other couples think that too but no one actually wants to tell the teacher. Love the idea of your drug design. I got similarly carried away with the huge assortment of pastels and watercolour pencils. I had full-on Vermeer style operating theatre drawings going on while everyone else was drawing stickmen midwives.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 21 May 2010, 10:33, Reply)

You'll retain more water when you're pregnant.
Did the doctor tell you feet higher than hips? Not worth bothering if they ain't - arse comfortably on sofa, legs supported on stool (or Catface's head) with ankles higher than hips (higher than head too excessive).
( thealternativefact, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:04, Reply)

cool. I am reclining on cushions now.
I need someone to fan me and feed me grapes (and when I say 'grapes', I mean chocolate and cakes, oh yes).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:10, Reply)

If Captain Vee is not performing his doting-husbandly chores,
I shall kick his too-close-to-the-ground arse when I see him.
( thealternativefact, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:15, Reply)

This thread is too nice,
how big are your tits?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:12, Reply)

Smaller than I had hoped
SADFACE
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:15, Reply)

Blame Catface
His miniature DNA must have started to affect you.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:29, Reply)

MASSIVE SAD FACE ONLINE

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 23:42, Reply)

they get bigger when your milk comes in
it's fantastic and scary at the same time!
( ascorbate, Fri 21 May 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Do you get to eat pretty much whatever you want these days
No matter how ridiculous, and no-one can tell you off? As long as it's not raw eggs or some crap like that? I'd totally take advantage of that and pie out on chocolate most of the day.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:13, Reply)

pie out!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:15, Reply)

I ate 4 wispas before noon one day last week
But someone in my antenatal classes ate 6 cornettos in a day. Respect.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:16, Reply)

4 wispas in a morning doesn't sound too bad to me
It probably should. But then again, my breakfast one day consisted of a pack of minstrels and a pint of Irn-Bru. I'm well classy, me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:18, Reply)

Yeah
I don't even have the excuse of being pregnant. It was all in the interests of science though - I was trying to decide whether I prefer wispa gold to cadbury's caramel. Clearly the only way to determine this was to eat one after the other, and then when I wasn't sure do it again. N=1 isn't statistically significant, you see.
(berk, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:51, Reply)

I just eat too much chocolate
Especially for a male. No excuses whatsoever here.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:52, Reply)

all these nasty bits
of pregnancy make me wonder how the species is still around
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:16, Reply)

Is it because breasts are brilliant?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:18, Reply)

or because boys think with their willies

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:21, Reply)

My willies like breasts.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:28, Reply)

How many do you have?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:29, Reply)

My fair share.
*wields*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:34, Reply)

Damn multi-cocks

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:37, Reply)

I am interested in this line of conversation
multi-cocks eh?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:38, Reply)

The closest you can get is something I believe is called
Penile subincision, or something along those lines, which involves getting your cock split in two. No thank you.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:41, Reply)

shame

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:43, Reply)

that sounds (and looks) too bloody painful
and makes me feel sick too soon after my dinner
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:47, Reply)

Really?
The thought of your cock being cleft in two makes you feel ill? What on earth's wrong with you?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 20 May 2010, 22:48, Reply)

I prefer it as it is
as one long single shaft, thank you very much
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 21 May 2010, 0:43, Reply)

Do your underpants fit like a glove?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 20 May 2010, 23:15, Reply)

oh, poor you
firstly, and most importantly - you do know the other symptoms of PE, don't you? please keep an eye out for them, a friend of mine ended up with full blown eclampsia, and was close to death. plus she was in the US and is still paying the medical bills - her child is 16 now.

secondly, if catface continues his cruelty (mrvitc made occasional mooing sounds when I was leaking milk in the early days, and very nearly ended up unable to father more children. or he would have done had certain ares of me not been recently stitched thus rendering me fairly immobile) then you should ramp up the unreasonable pregnancy demands. you know the kind of thing 'oh, I really need a lidl cereal bar NOW wah wah wah, what do you mean it's 4am, find a 24 hour lidl you pansy' then when he returns with it 'not this one, fool!' then burst into tears and eat his last rolo.

thirdly, this book www.thefoodoflove.org/ is just lovely and I wish I'd had it before sprog made an appearance. (the mama sutra is especially good www.thefoodoflove.org/mama-sutra.htm)

just think, in 2 months time you'll have a baby and be so full of hormones you'll cry at everything, and you'll be leaking milk right left and centre, and bleeding like the worst period of your life, and won't have slept for about a week. oh, I'm almost jealous!
( ascorbate, Fri 21 May 2010, 9:56, Reply)

:)
You make it sound so lovely!

I must say, Catface is being great, he was just in a bit of a knackered strop last night. He sent me a lovely text from work this morning though, and he's always happy to go to the shop for my fix of cold custard/green beans/excessive amounts of biscuits (not all at once, that would be crazy).

I'm on anklewatch now. It went down a bit last night but was swollen again within an hour of getting up. I am marking a pile of projects, sitting sideways, with one leg raised above waist height. Interesting.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 21 May 2010, 10:30, Reply)

it is lovely
in retrospect ;)
I was looking at photos we have of me in labour and the first photos after boy arrived, and can't believe it was only 7.5 months ago. (oh, if you must check camera batteries in the hospital, photos of yourself in labour are not that way to go. rough doesn't even come close to describing how I looked!)

but you're going to have a snuffly newborn to cuddle soon, all tiny and soft and the feet! I've just remembered how soft the soles of his feet were when he was born.

damn, getting broody again, NOT GOOD!
( ascorbate, Fri 21 May 2010, 10:47, Reply)