When should you have lived?
I am having a totally ludicrous conversation at the moment wherein the person I am conversing with is favouring strange interpretations of what they believe I mean over and above what I'm flat out telling them.

I'm a practical man, I like working with my hands and solving problems. My hobbies and work involves cars, computers, growing my own vegetables and have a somewhat old-fashioned view of what is masculine. My main wishes for my life at the moment is to have an old car to tinker with and a nice allotment. I think in straight lines and struggle to understand people that mentally dart all over the place, tinging their thoughts with unnecessary emotions. I don't condone the use of moisturiser and the limit of acceptable male grooming products are limited to a bit bit of hair gel and shaving gear.

Overall I think I should have been born in the thirties. I would have enjoyed that period. How about you?
( Kroney, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:48, 123 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The olden days,
Or perhaps 'days of yore' - I can't decide. Maybe 'back in the day', or even 'way back when'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:50, Reply)

How about 'in my day'?
It was gorgeous then.
less forriners too
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Just as well you struck-through that last bit.
Fewer foreigners, it should have been...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 21 May 2010, 14:14, Reply)

'Many' vs 'much'.
Yes - I stand corrected.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Being born in the thirties would have been great
you would just be becoming aware of life and all it had to offer and then BAM world war, fucking brilliant. Then if you survived that there was still rationing for the next ten years. It would have been fucking excellent.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:51, Reply)

you are a sarcastic cunt
but you do make me laugh
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I like to make women laugh
I made my fiancee laugh. But in her defence she had drunk a large amount of homemade punch.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

You should definitely come to the pub even if it's just for a bit
Rakky said you were brilliant fun so I'm looking forward to meeting you.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Are you talking to yourself again, Al?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

SUPERFLUOUS BASTARD ALERT!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:59, Reply)

i will do my best!
i even promise not to talk about law
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

I'M COMING AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME
except maybe telling me the wrong pub to go to.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I think I already told you the right pub.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Nope you said you'll let me know,
there's still a chance to fool me.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Oh did I?
Well in that case we're meeting in Chandos on Trafalger Square.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:01, Reply)

I will be there

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

i can bring my pink laptop to show you
(bet you don't get an offer like that every day [or you might, i don't know what you get up to in milton keynes])
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

My LAN games bring all the girls to the yard.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

when is it? I didn't put it in my diary

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

18th June
It's a friday, so you can take all the drugs you want.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

balls
I thought for a moment I might be able to coincide that with a trip to visit my brother, but I've got a gig that night :-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I just read a review of the Chandos
"CHEAP CHEEP LAGER!"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

ROCKING
Day after I get back from hol so I'll need somewhere to cry, drunk.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I can't wait to mock you in person.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I can't wait to punch you in the face

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Premptive head butt it is.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Next time I'll skip the kissing
and go straight for the groin.
With my knee.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I'm going to set fire to you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Ha ha,
ha

ummmm...
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:16, Reply)

What time does this pub close?
I do like these little things, they're always fun.

Unless you throw up on your white shoes and lose your bus stop :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I wasn't sick on my shoes
but I did bang my face on a wall while vomiting in a doorway.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:15, Reply)

IT WAS PINK
fucking Bill and the fucking Jager.
Fucking Enzyme buying me drinks.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Bollock it was those drinks
it was you drinking that fruit cider stuff, that was the only pink drink you had.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Cider and black is pink when regurgitated
I know this from many lots of bitter experience
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:37, Reply)

18th apparently.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Rosalicious said she would come
But I think she's lying.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

The bitch.
It looks like it's not going to be a sausage fest al?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

There are at least three or four girls coming
and Lampito
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Who's on the guest list?
How many of them hate me?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Most of them
it will be quite an uncomfortable evening for you I suspect
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Excellent.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

-narrows eyes-
I'm heading up the Northern Contingent with Applebite.
We'll fucking stab you.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

with your vaginas

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Sharpest thing about them.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I don't even own an invite !
Sad sad times, I guess I'll sit alone in my mansion, look across the empty boud'war, with a glass of £1000 port in my hand (topped up with lemonade), across the fire in the mantlepiece, with an origional first edition of a dickins book, spinny-dial telephone on a table next to me, relentlessly unringing, waiting for the inevitable call from some american company trying to sale me insurance just so I have someone to speak too that evening. And then, as I fall asleep in my chair in this room with a dominating empty presense, I'll be haunted by my dreams, of my childhood in the colonies where father was showing me how to shoot white tigers and the gun misfired and I shot him in the chest, "Noooo Daddy ! No ! I didn't mean it !", and I fall to me knees in the middle of the senrigetti, no civilisation for miles and miles. And then I'll awake, with a sweat on my browl and decide this isn't a night to be alone, so I call up one of the local Subway and ask them about their goods, what they recomend, where they source their food, what they're up to the weekend, "nonono, I'm not hungry, my dreams haunt me and the loanly..... hello? hello? is there anyone there? Oh, I guess they must have accidently hanged up, I'll try calling them again".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:39, Reply)

You'd better come

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I'll have to see closer to the time, gaz me the details.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:53, Reply)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:54, Reply)

she laughed when she saw your micropenis

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

So do a lot of women
so then I like to clench a vibrator between my thighs and then pretend to orgasm.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:59, Reply)

You too?
I feel a bit better about mine now. It looks like someone's spilled some Bombay Mix in my lap when I disrobe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Bombay Mix semen
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

homemade punch spunk
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

homemade punch rohypnol
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 21 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Sometime in the future..
...when there are jet-packs, intergalactic travel and women wear conical bra's.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:52, Reply)

SUPERFLUOUS APOSTROPHE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:52, Reply)

unless
it was intended to be short for brassiere?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:53, Reply)

It wasn't. Trust me - I know this joker.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Brassieres?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:54, Reply)

No thanks, I'm driving.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:55, Reply)

SUPERFLUOUS BASTARD ALERT.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:55, Reply)

^ haha^
i like this a lot! (no offence monty)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

^ best band EVARR.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

*steals for new project*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

*quickly registers idea*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I should have lived in the 50s
When I was younger I'd have said the 20s, but I'm not so rebellious or hedonistic any more.
(In fact I was never extremely rebellious or hedonistic.)

And I love gingham and dots.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

and conical bras?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

ooh yes!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

She likes repressed sexuality
and lying really still while you grunt and moan on top of her.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

must have been your technique, al
she fucked like an eel on speed when she was doing me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:59, Reply)

get to fuck!
In fact maybe the 40s so I could have a whale of a time in the shelter...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 21 May 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I went into this shelter a chaste virgin
and I came out with three kids and no anal virginity.

My name is Roota, I helped make this country great.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Ahhh, Bisto.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

...and you owe me a Hershey Bar and a pair of nylons!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

al virginity us
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:15, Reply)

my bedshitting ex was from liverpool (well, he said the wirral)
his mother was found in a drawer in an air raid shelter after a bomb raid.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

My Nana was born in 1940
She slept in a drawer
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I was born in 1965 and was bathed in the sink.
You should have seen the size of the sink my mum had after I left home.
( girlinthehole, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Aw I got bathed in the sink sometimes

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:24, Reply)

In the distant future.
Hopefully there'll be no religion or mis-treatment of women, (not that the two are mutually exclusive), and you'll be able to travel instantaneously. (yes I used a dictionary), to your destination. (I fucking hate travelling).
( girlinthehole, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

And conical bra's...
Don't forget the conical bra's.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Did you not see my mis-treatment of women bit?

( girlinthehole, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I'm not suggesting one size fits all.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I should have been making music in the 70s
and taking loads of massive drugs
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:04, Reply)

No change there then.

( girlinthehole, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I only take medium drugs

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Victorian
I would have loved to live in poverty and sell my body for a pittance.

Then contracted syphilis and died, alone and insane and missing most of my teeth.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Move to Gloucester.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I don't know where that is.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:10, Reply)

It's on the River Styx.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:12, Reply)

LOL right here

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:16, Reply)

parts of arkansas may still offer this service?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Do they wear corsets in Arkansas?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:10, Reply)

i've never actually been
i was just being a bit racist really... well, stereotypical
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Neither have I.
I don't know where tht is either. Aprt from in america.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

If only there was some way of using the internet to find out where things are in the world.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I'm on it
answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100521052538AAe04vk
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I'm loving the patronising replies for this

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Stereotypically racist.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

yes
but it was about people from arkansas so that must be ok
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:27, Reply)

They make them from tractor tires and twine

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:25, Reply)

1930's Chicago.
Just for the sharp suits and spats, if I'm honest. And the Tommy Gun.

Edit: This is in no small way influenced by the film 'The Untouchables'.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

You like the idea of a big "gun" with a mans name in your hands don't you

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Spraying it's loads all over a bunch of "wise guys"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Man, I want to watch the untouchables again.
THat's my sunday evening right there.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:26, Reply)

That's a film I don't have on DVD
or Goodfells, or Once Upon a Time in America. I know what I'm spending my bonus on this year.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

You must buy really expensive DVDs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Or have a really shit bonus

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

when was prohibition?
that would have sucked a bit
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:27, Reply)

But so would you
especially if we offered you some booze.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

you do not need to get me drunk for that

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Nah
You get down to a speakeasy.
Sorted.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Yeah, but I'd be at all the speakeasies with my doll.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

You never reply to my insults
It makes me worry that I've upset you. Please note that this doesn't stop me doing it again.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I am very sorry.
You have not upset me, you just started me thinking about your weapon.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Opium, great substitute

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Damn right. Great substitute for reality.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I wish I had some opium right now and a gin and tonic

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I've not smoked it for years.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Since 1887, when the Mrs.Peason's Opium Emporium on Baker Street was shut down by the rozzers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:57, Reply)

A dark day.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 May 2010, 15:04, Reply)

3010
I'd fucking love all the technology and all that shit, under the provision that we haven't had any unrecoverable disasters like the movies say.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

*Walks up to the counter at Boots and orders some AIDs pills and some parkinson's cream*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 May 2010, 14:09, Reply)