mmm, chocolate.
I just got a huge box of "hand-piped" luxury chocs by hotel chocolat for my birthday. It's at times like these that I really value living alone and being single.

THEY'RE MINE! GET BACK! I'LL F'IN CUT YA, YA SLAGS! MINE!

/gloating fat bastard blog
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:22, 90 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I don't eat anything sweet.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I've got food in my belly and a licence for my telly. Nothing's gonna bring me down
*brings on the trumpets*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

*turns up the heater to the full two bars*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Thank god someone else got that

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Paolo
Nutini. Pfft. Are you actually a card-carrying gay?
(berk, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Don't listen to him
You get an A in the restaurant, A in the taxi right? B- on the dancefloor for not being brown enough.
( djtrialprice, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Nope
And to prove it, I only know that song because Ms Foxtrot used it to choreograph a Jive/Quickstep number for a demonstration we did a while back
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I on the other hand
have his second album
( djtrialprice, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Is the rest of it any good?
I was -NOT- a fan of his first album but Pencil Full o' Lead is a top track
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:03, Reply)

It's a BOSS album
My dad bought it for me.
Ten out of Ten is a soopa song.
It is not at all like his first album, and it seems like he's had more freedom to jam and be himself.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

There are a couple of good tracks
10/10 and Pencil Full Of Lead (the reason I bought the album) but it's not astounding.
( djtrialprice, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:07, Reply)

The one about his dad is brilliant too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:08, Reply)

I might well add this to the "downloads I'm not prepared to pay for" list

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Nope
And to prove it, I only know that song because Ms Foxtrot used it to choreograph a Jive/Quickstep number for a demonstration we did a while back

Yes.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 25 May 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Inspired

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I do have a way with words.

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 25 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Are you a guy?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I think something inbetween

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Like Foxtrot
or worse?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I love the suggestion that there's something worse than me
*embarrassingly high-pitched attempt at evil laugh*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:33, Reply)

are you coming on to me?
Will you at least take me to dinner first?
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I've just not heard of a man so impressed and excited about chocolate before.
Seems weird.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I know a few like that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

You know a few like everything.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Yes I do
Maybe you do too, but you've just not noticed.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

She gets around
La
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Who doesn't love
Wispas that much!?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I like Wispa Mint of Wispa Gold
because if someone is eating one you can say "what's that you've got there?"
they will say "Wispa Mint"
and you can go "mint"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

this made me laugh

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

result

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

You obviously just don't know the right men

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

It's the "hand-piped" bit that gives it away.
They're wonderfully melt-in-your-colon.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Ha!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I've just eaten a cornish pasty, while dipping it into brown sauce
I think I'm winning here.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Hands down.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

+ pants
you sick fuck
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

bleuch
cornish pasties are vile, but brown sauce makes everything taste delicious.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

you are clearly an idiot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I love Hotel Chocolat
When I'm in the shopping centre I always go in there because they give out free samples. They really do make awesome chocolate, they totally pwn Thorntons.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

they tried to headhunt me,
but they were based somewhere shit so I didn't go to meet them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Whilst I know what you mean
I have a hideous mental image of you running away from some kind of chocolate assassin. Like a Cadbury's Predator
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

"Cadburys Predator"
Euphemism of the week! DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Can't make it my sig though
I'll look like a chocolate-covered DJTrialPrice. Surely that's too great a temptation thrown in Roota's path
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I'm thinking of a Purple Jean-Claude Van Damme
hunting Monty through Bournville.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

or possibly
Bertie Bassett moonlighting
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

On ya go wee man
You're clear to proceed
( djtrialprice, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Most kind

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I'm picturing a gang of headshrinkers
Waving artefacts at him as they chase
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Guns
that shoot cocoa beans?
(berk, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Totally

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

You dissed the Oompa Loompas?
Big mistake.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Look Milton Keynes is in the news
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278387/Milton-Keynes-hires-15-times-interpreters-decade-ago-cope-residents-84-mother-tongues.html

and it's spawned racist comments from Mail readers.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Best comment is:
"WHY!!, tell them to learn our language at there expense, it's cheeper."
302 people didn't spot the irony.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

marvellous stuff
"No speekie Engleesh, no gettee benefits. No gettee nothing.

This madness of providing everything for everybody must stop!"

I like the way they have put a list, with numbers, so that their stupid readers will go "my god! english is 28th on the list! that must mean that more people speak all those other languages!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

"That's three hundred useful productive jobs wasted!"
I'm assuming that these interpreters actually want to do that job, and are appropriately skilled to do it.

maybe they should be made redundant and start working as plumbers
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Yeah and they've all totally ignored that it's cost neutral
and doesn't cost taxpayers anything.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

PEDANT ALERT
Cost neutral to the council - billing the NHS and other public services still costs the taxpayer.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:05, Reply)

do you just google Milton Keynes on a daily basis?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I have a iGoogle news gadget, stories about Milton Keynes are one of the sections.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:58, Reply)

wow.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:07, Reply)

don't pretend like you're not impressed.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:13, Reply)

"One day I'll find something to totally prove how exciting it is.
They'll all come move here. I'll have friends and everything!"
( djtrialprice, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Quite a nice photo in the article I thought.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:00, Reply)

A good friend of mine
is from MK and his dad was one of the town's planners. Consequently I'm well versed at taking the piss out of the place but also I've grudgingly accepted that it's not that bad really.
( djtrialprice, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I saw a really pretty old bit with a canal when I was on the train

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:06, Reply)

sounds like simpson

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:17, Reply)

OJ?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Jessica

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Like in apocalypse movies
where there's always one town that's supposedly untouched by the horror, and everyone who meets in the movie is trying to get there. That'll be Milton Keynes.

In his dreams.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Aw man, I would LOVE that.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:31, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3yOhPqYw44
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Got this link from ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com
youropenbook.org/
As they suggest, do a search for "not racist but". I'd say it was depressing stuff if I hadn't already realised decades ago that most people are (a) bastards and (b) simpletons.
( djtrialprice, Tue 25 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

"why is the movie "white men can't jump" not racist but when you try to make a movie called "black men can't swim" it is? "
haha
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:05, Reply)

hahaha
that made me officelol
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:09, Reply)

IM NOT RACIST - BUT WHT IS IT WITH ASIAN? U TALK TO THEM IN ENGLISH THEY LOOK AT U LIKE TUR AN ALIEN WITH HORNS, BUT AS SOON AS U MENTION THE WORD DIM SIMS OR FRIED RICE OR BOK CHOW THEY GET ALL HAPPY AND EXCITED. WTF PPL!!!!
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:18, Reply)

most racist use of "I'm not racist" ever
Kelly Farrow is a bit weary got new neighbours gona b movin in im not racist but fockin africans r just as bad as the pakis lol
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:21, Reply)

yeah I'm linking her real name so any prospective employers can find this with google.
lol jk, she hasn't got a job.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I love the words Bok Chow
what is it?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:25, Reply)

I think he means Bok Choy
which is this urbanyhc.com/urbantalk/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/BokChoy.jpg
and lovely.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:26, Reply)

thanks
additional thanks for not linking me to 'letmegooglethatforyou'
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:34, Reply)

He's softening in his old age

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:35, Reply)

That would be more effort than just telling you.
My motivations were purely lazy
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Pak Choi for stupid people?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:29, Reply)

That's what confused me,
I've heard of, and cooked, pak choi, but not bok choy. I guess they're the same thing, or at least from the same family?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:34, Reply)

they are the same thing
but no one can decide how to spell it

fwiw I go with pak choi
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 May 2010, 13:10, Reply)

I'm losing my will to live

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Hahahaha! So, you're fat, alone
and smug too?

I hope you get a cancer on your cancer and prolapse your own testicles

Edit I've got a really big blister on my foot and licorice stuck in my teeth, but you don't see me bragging about it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I've got an iPhone, spare sim card and charger wedged in my colon
in preparation for a visit to the prison this afternoon, but you don't see my eyes watering, do you? Because I'm wearing goggles, motherfucker.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:50, Reply)

My licorice is made from Pandas
So up yours, Nuttall, you massive-mulleted twat
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Clearly I meant to say Nutkin

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 25 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)