If you're paid many thousands of pounds a week to kick a ball
And are built like a brick shithouse, you should at least be able to stay on two feet and not spend half the fucking match on your arse (yes Emile Heskey, I'm looking at you).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:22, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rumour has it he's not on the sheet for tomorrow
In favour of Defoe.
That's only rumour since Capello's keeping up the idea of submitting the team sheet two hours before kick off.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:24, Reply)

Oh, Good.
Maybe Defoe will rape* the defence to death.

Oh, come on. He looks like he'd molest you as soon as look at you.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:25, Reply)

Defoe?
Oh man he'll totally kick the opposition's arse with his pumpkin bombs and souped up glider.

Oh hang on, I'm thinking of Spider Man aren't I?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:26, Reply)

Nope
That's the Green Goblin
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:35, Reply)

Emile Heskey has the turning circle of an oil tanker.
When he walks backwards, the fucker beeps.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:24, Reply)

Is this the same Emile Heskey who generally played well and set up England's goal against the USA?

(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:07, Reply)

no, it's the one who has been consistently slightly below average for the many years that idiot managers have been picking him
he can barely stay on his fucking feet.

He can't shoot, he can't tackle, he can't run, he can't header.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:27, Reply)

he is getting better
we used to have bets down the pub on how many times he would randomly fall over
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:31, Reply)

And yet people like Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen like playing alongside him.
Still, I'm sure that you know more about it than they do.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:32, Reply)

it's because he makes them look even better

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I may disagree with you
but I have to admit that your punditry is far superior to inane, anodyne shit that both the BBC and ITV are serving up.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:03, Reply)

the main thing about Heskey is that he is the Candyman
and no one wants a hook-handed killer playing for their country
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:09, Reply)

That's the stuff
and to think that ITV are paying Adrian Chiles a fortune to overplay his bumbling man of the people act.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:15, Reply)

my brother brays like a donkey every time anyone mentions heskey

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:24, Reply)

Your brother is Tony Adams?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:26, Reply)

Wheras Heskey cries like a surrendering Frenchman every time he gets one on one with the keeper.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:28, Reply)

Duly clicked.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:29, Reply)