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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Feeling the love
Tonight i'm feeling the love for the gorgeous Clendrix and i'm honoured to be her friend. If I was a man and she was single I totally would. As it is, I hope to be feeling more love from her tomorrow night.

Who are you feeling the love for right now?
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 21:55, 125 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
My ex
who has graciously allowed me to crash in London tomorrow night, and who clearly doesnt believe my promises to behave in a gentlemanly manner.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 21:57, Reply)
Amberl
who just mistook me for Psychochomp on Facebook.

Initially I was offended but now I'm amused and wishing I'd played along.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:06, Reply)
in fairness
I have no idea what Pyschochomp looks like, and your profile picture could possibly have been taken in Milton Keynes
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:47, Reply)
It just gets better
I do look quite smug in that picture, but I'm in Munich Airport.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:01, Reply)
Like a paperclip salesman
Or a straight Allan Carr
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:03, Reply)
really?
I think I figured out who he was. But forgot soon after
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:04, Reply)
Yup, just think of a paedo version of someone ugly and it's him

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:05, Reply)
I know just who you mean

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:18, Reply)
and remember that his first name is mispelled and his surname is a euphemism for penis

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:22, Reply)
You're better off not knowing.
Besides, you'll meet him tomorrow.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:12, Reply)
That's made my day.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:51, Reply)
words won't do it justice
I need to get this pic on fb to show who's got my love
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:20, Reply)
Lets see then

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:31, Reply)
sorry
being a bit slow tonight
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:42, Reply)
And this is different to usual how?
MAKE WITH THE UPLOADING SCOTCH BOI
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:51, Reply)
I'd like partial credit for setting you up with the easiest of gags
Even easier than you. A-ha hahahahaha. Ahem.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:55, Reply)
And you're exceedingly easy

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:59, Reply)
Get fucked meat head
FUCKING LOVE THAT PICTURE
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:03, Reply)
Do you think we should tell him about it?

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:08, Reply)
Nah, just tag him and laugh uproarously

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:19, Reply)
I'm curious now
what is the photo of?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:22, Reply)
You'll have to add a few people to facebook to find out

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:26, Reply)
is this
a find and retrieve game? I don't want to scare people by randomly adding them
Edit: I think I've found you, there are five mutual friends, but could be the wrong one
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:30, Reply)
it's just a picture of a pair of very, very heterosexual men
standing next to each other topless at a metal festival
EDIT: eter/om etc.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:34, Reply)
I don't have a friend request, so I'm guessing you got the wrong person

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:35, Reply)
check again :)

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:43, Reply)
stewie griffin
and whichever kiwi invented hell's pizza... any pizza that can turn up with feta, roasted mushrooms, caramelized onions, cashew nuts and jalapenos has got to be a good thing, right? and as if that weren't enough, the box has a push-out cardboard coffin in the lid for the leftovers... it almost makes coming home to work bearable!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:27, Reply)
Sorry but that sounds fucking foul
Feta on pizza? Wrong wrong wrong
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:31, Reply)
Everything on that pizza is wrong
except jalapenos.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:36, Reply)
I agree this sounds like a pizza which sucks donkey balls

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:37, Reply)
you lot have shit taste in pizzas
but the point was that any pizza delivery place that can put that sort of shit on a pizza has to be doing it right. if you like scarfing down animal and fish corpses, there is even more random fun to be had.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:41, Reply)
Well you have shit taste in not turning up to the pub on friday night
so NEERRRRRRR!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:43, Reply)
oh i know
it is such bad luck it clashes. gah.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:47, Reply)
I'd draw the line at cashews
as that sounds a bit Heston to me, but the rest I could go with.

Needs moar dead animal though.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:43, Reply)
we could be heading up for our first fight bex
i must take exception to this.... feta goes great on a pizza!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:42, Reply)
I concur.
But then, I do like feta anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:44, Reply)
Come to the pub tomorrow and I'll like totally fight you
Seriously, the pizza sounds shit though
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:50, Reply)
sadly i will be being oiled up with baby oil
and lounging around generally in a birthday spa. but it is now your fault i have eaten too much pizza. if you had begged me to save you some, i would not have eaten it all myself!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:52, Reply)
A likely story
I wish I'd gotten pizza now instead of waiting for a text that never came that would confirm if I was going out tonight. Stupid text person. KFC chips really are rough as a badgers cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:04, Reply)
don't think i've ever had a kfc
they are not so much on the vegetarian, even the fake ones like me who have zero principles but lots of fussiness. i think you should find the phantom non-texter and punish them with a big bucket of the colonel's finest (not lovely colonel dracula, the beardy red cunt [not vipros])
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:07, Reply)
Oh I intend to.

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:19, Reply)
It wasn't me was it?
I am a terrible cunt. Although this time I think I am in the clear.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:22, Reply)
Nah, it was a pretty pretty man who I've decided is a non texting cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:26, Reply)
David Cameron
Because if he has his way, I'll be better off to the tune of around £82k.

Although that said, because he's a weasel faced cunt he'll probably allow me to keep my fucking job.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:39, Reply)
funnily enough
I'm feeling the love for Jonny Sweet, who played David Cameron in 'When Boris Meets Dave' which I just watched
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:47, Reply)
I always feel the love for Clendrix
What has she done (other than going out of her way to ensure her attendance in the pub) to get such love?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:39, Reply)
She's just awesome
No other excuse needed surely?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:42, Reply)
Totally gazzed you as I don't want to make her blush when I can't see her

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:50, Reply)
Also this
xkcd.com/322/
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:47, Reply)
Miquita Oliver
Can I use this space to leave a poem for my beloved, just in case she finds this during a vanity google?

Oh Miquita
I'd like to eat ya
minge and that

love broadsword xx
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:54, Reply)
eloquent and beautiful

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:54, Reply)
it's almost an abba song
more clunge, less abba, but you know.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:56, Reply)
ABBA was maximum clunge surely?

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:57, Reply)
hmmm
gimminge gimminge gimminge?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 22:59, Reply)
Mamma Mingea

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:03, Reply)
Take A Chance On Minky

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:04, Reply)
Minky?
That's a new one on me.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:06, Reply)
dancing quim

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:05, Reply)
Chiclitita

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:07, Reply)
Knowing Minge, Knowing Foof

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:07, Reply)
AHA!

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:08, Reply)
Brilliant

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:12, Reply)
mingey mingey mingey (it's a rich man's world)

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:06, Reply)
Super Clopper?

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:08, Reply)
I like that

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:09, Reply)
dumdumdiddle
because some things don't need change
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:11, Reply)
Gorgeous

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:05, Reply)
O Miquita you're my number one
I wanna do you up the bum

You should grow a fringe
but shave your minge

Come see my cool stash
I'll jizz up your gash

Don't think its a farce
I want to fuck your arse

O Miquita
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:08, Reply)
Miquita Oliver is a Pirate Hooker.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:09, Reply)
Oh god I wish. I'd be in like Flynn

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:12, Reply)
She looks like she needs a damn good wash.
And a talent transplant.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:15, Reply)
Well yeah. But still....

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:19, Reply)
No "but still".
If you want to perv over a talentless presenter, at least go for a bit of Fearne.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:20, Reply)
Fearne Cotton
is oddly reminiscent of a very thin Vanessa Feltz. Think about it when you next see her on telly. You'll see what I mean. Especially when she talks.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:26, Reply)
Oh she's fucking revolting

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:27, Reply)
I remember her being on telly
from quite a young age and every time i see her, she still turns my stomach. Takes skill, that.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:29, Reply)
Turns mine too. Not in a good way

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:30, Reply)
Fucking fat bovine cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:27, Reply)
I like you
you're diplomatic.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:30, Reply)
Well known for it, me.
I should go in to the Diplomatic Corps.

"Right, cunts, let's sort this out."
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:31, Reply)
with
a production of the Mikado
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:32, Reply)
"Is there anything more powerful than the power of THEATRE?
CRAVATS AND BERETS FOR EVERYBODY!"
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:34, Reply)
*hums*
'for he is an Englishman'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:35, Reply)
I must confess that I haven't got a bloody clue what is happening right now...

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:36, Reply)
I'm vaugely remembering
a Fry and Laurie sketch. In which Fry (as a diplomat) keeps organising Gilbert and Sullivan productions in lieu of dealing with actual diplomacy.

The cat-like tread was a segue into Chariots of Fire
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:42, Reply)
Jealousy is ugly

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:24, Reply)
Coincidentally, so is Miquita Oliver.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:27, Reply)
How dare you, sir

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:33, Reply)
Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:34, Reply)
Darn tootin

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:41, Reply)
The whole Mexican football team.
And, of course, my BFF
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:06, Reply)
But of course.
I miss my BFF :(
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:09, Reply)
Of course you do.
You alright? I have a Jabulani. It's for a friends birthday tho. SADFACE.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:11, Reply)
You got a gay football?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:13, Reply)
Yes, but not for me.
FWIW, my extensive tests have concluded that "hey, it's just a ball".
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:16, Reply)
Is it like a penny floater
Or are the players protesting way too much?
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:17, Reply)
Too much protesting, I reckon.
It's the same every world cup.

I may not be a highly tuned athlete (far from it) - but I do think that if you're paid many thousands of pounds a week to kick a ball, you should be able to kick a bloody ball.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:19, Reply)
Very true
I saw Rooney saying it was taking him ages to get used to. Surely next time you kick it, kick it less hard if it's heading into orbit.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:21, Reply)
Also: "The referees should protect the more skillful players"
Oh do cock off, you greasy, rapey, diving shit flange.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:23, Reply)
Did he say that?
Fuck's sake. But I like shit flange as an insult.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:25, Reply)
Well, Ronaldo did, after he'd dived all over the pitch.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:26, Reply)
Grrrr! HATE!
I was praying for a Drogba's cast/ Ronaldo's face interface but that never came to past.
Drogba's just as bad a cheat, but doesn't seem quite as eminently punchable as that cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:29, Reply)
Yesh, but:
You have to respect Drogba for playing 11 days after breaking his arm. Ronaldo gets a hair out of place and is out for a month...
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:30, Reply)
Fair play for that.
it just never looks plausible, someone that size rolling about on the ground. Ronaldo looks camp enough for it to suit him.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:33, Reply)
This is true.
God, I hate him. Proper, burning hatred.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:35, Reply)
If you're paid many thousands of pounds a week to kick a ball
And are built like a brick shithouse, you should at least be able to stay on two feet and not spend half the fucking match on your arse (yes Emile Heskey, I'm looking at you).
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:22, Reply)
Rumour has it he's not on the sheet for tomorrow
In favour of Defoe.
That's only rumour since Capello's keeping up the idea of submitting the team sheet two hours before kick off.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:24, Reply)
Oh, Good.
Maybe Defoe will rape* the defence to death.

Oh, come on. He looks like he'd molest you as soon as look at you.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:25, Reply)
Defoe?
Oh man he'll totally kick the opposition's arse with his pumpkin bombs and souped up glider.

Oh hang on, I'm thinking of Spider Man aren't I?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:26, Reply)
Nope
That's the Green Goblin
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:35, Reply)
Emile Heskey has the turning circle of an oil tanker.
When he walks backwards, the fucker beeps.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:24, Reply)
Is this the same Emile Heskey who generally played well and set up England's goal against the USA?

(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:07, Reply)
no, it's the one who has been consistently slightly below average for the many years that idiot managers have been picking him
he can barely stay on his fucking feet.

He can't shoot, he can't tackle, he can't run, he can't header.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:27, Reply)
he is getting better
we used to have bets down the pub on how many times he would randomly fall over
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:31, Reply)
And yet people like Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen like playing alongside him.
Still, I'm sure that you know more about it than they do.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:32, Reply)
it's because he makes them look even better

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:58, Reply)
I may disagree with you
but I have to admit that your punditry is far superior to inane, anodyne shit that both the BBC and ITV are serving up.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:03, Reply)
the main thing about Heskey is that he is the Candyman
and no one wants a hook-handed killer playing for their country
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:09, Reply)
That's the stuff
and to think that ITV are paying Adrian Chiles a fortune to overplay his bumbling man of the people act.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:15, Reply)
my brother brays like a donkey every time anyone mentions heskey

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:24, Reply)
Your brother is Tony Adams?

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:26, Reply)
Wheras Heskey cries like a surrendering Frenchman every time he gets one on one with the keeper.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:28, Reply)
Duly clicked.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:29, Reply)
"I Like This"

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 23:24, Reply)
People who do things for charity
Night all :)
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 0:30, Reply)

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