Anyone fancy a fuck?
I might buy you a curry after, if you're any good. And I don't mind dressing up like the bird off Doctor Who, though it's not an exact likeness I'll admit, my tits are bigger.
( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 16:27, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I like breasts.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 16:41, Reply)

BREASTY WESTY SHIRT DUMPLINGS

( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 16:43, Reply)

oh alright then

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:18, Reply)

alright treacle
nice one
( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:22, Reply)

alright saucy
jog on then
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:26, Reply)

alright treasure
I'll just brush my teeth first, I'm considerate like that
( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:32, Reply)

alright diamondsolitaire
i best shave my toes then
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:36, Reply)

alright platinumring
nah don't bother, hairy toed chicks turn me on
( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:45, Reply)

alright borrowallyourmatesgoldsovereignstowearwhenyoureinapunchup
k i'll gel it all up with a bit of studioline or summat
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:53, Reply)

alright lizziedukesfinest
man, I'm so aroused right now
( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:59, Reply)

alright moodringthatigotoffthemarket
go have a waggle, i cant talk to you when youre like this
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:03, Reply)

Curry first or its no dice.
Are you willing to take the risk I might change my mind?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Too late pal, rosalicious got in first with none of your needy curry first demands

( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:23, Reply)

im an easy sort

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:26, Reply)

depends
what you mean by "good". if you're expecting movement i might just order a curry online instead.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:53, Reply)

well i done that the other day and they forgot my fucking naan
i wanted to cry
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:54, Reply)

I really like that pashwari naan stuff.
Is it a starter? It could be.
Is it a side dish to a mains? It could be.
Is it a desert? It could be that too.

Lovely stuff, goes great with that curry with the lychees in. Oh god, I fancy that now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:56, Reply)

nah fuck all that i like a plain naan to mop up my vindaloo

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:01, Reply)

+ag d loo
( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:14, Reply)

i can only dream

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:25, Reply)

shit, that's the best bit
well apart from the onion bhajis. with yoghurt sauce. and the mushroom fried rice. and the curry.

/fats
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:01, Reply)

yeah i was gutted
then when i called back he said 'OH YOURE TOO FAR TO COME BACK TO'
cunt. he couldve told the slippery delivery shit to stop off a closer indian and picked up my naan im so fucking angry at this i just hate them all so much right now GOD I HATE THEM ALL WHERES MY FUCKING NAAN
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:02, Reply)

this rage is wholly justified
when it comes to naan. what a lazy twat.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:06, Reply)

i just want my naan rach :(((((((
is that too much to ask?
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:11, Reply)

it's not like you asked them for open heart surgery or rocket science
just to put a tasty buttery naan in a paper bag and drive it round to you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:21, Reply)

i love you

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:22, Reply)

i prescribe
vodka and a dead delivery guy. always works for me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:38, Reply)

I can tell you for nothing, they would NOT recieve my custom a second time, not without a voucher code of some sort anyway.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:31, Reply)

it were thursday so i was :( anyway but i asked for a refund and they sed NO
they sed WE'LL GIVE YOU A FREE NAAN NEXT TIME.
i am NEVER ordering from them again EVER. ever.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:36, Reply)

Did you use that website? You should leave really bad feedback if you did and can.
Yeah', shit day all 'round really.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:35, Reply)

Good generally just means not calling the police

( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:57, Reply)

you have low standards
i find this an essential quality in a man
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:01, Reply)

I'll let you fuck me
as long as you don't look at me, speak to me, or try to hold me afterwards
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:57, Reply)

Sounds fair enough
I've got a shag for tonight but can pencil you in for the next time I'm hungover?
( broadsword, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:58, Reply)

It's a date!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:59, Reply)

Wait, is Broadsword a man or a woman?
The name implies male, but I'm not sure.
It's not that I'm fussy or anything, I just want to know what state my ringpiece will be in when he/she is finished
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:05, Reply)

pffft
like it isn't raped to a gaping 12" diameter as it is
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:06, Reply)

It'll be like chucking hot dog down a hallway.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:10, Reply)

waving an arm in a barn
a shit smeared barn
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:20, Reply)

You've been spying on me in the shower again?
You lawyers are all filth
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:11, Reply)

AND i charged you #380 plus vat per hour
for the privilege
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:38, Reply)

Cheap at half the price

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:01, Reply)

meanwhile in more (self)important news
i had to give up my green day ticket tonight in favour of lying on the sofa coughing like a 50 a day tramp. i hate being ill. and i bet everyone has more important things to do than pander to me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:24, Reply)

Green day? You had a lucky escape
I'll pander to you, if you like swipey, I'm really good at it nowadays.

How's your backtits and vagina tongue?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:35, Reply)

but i had club wembley seats
how can hacking up phlegm be better than champagne bar and live music? your logic be flawed.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:37, Reply)

My logic has always been flawed
but I'd still rather listen to an industrial cheesegrater blending my own cock than listen to pseudo-punk songs like basketcase and 'ahwannabeahmahnoridy x1000'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:40, Reply)

i am going to say that there is actually
zero truth in this statement. oh bert.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:43, Reply)

You're right
I'd still go along for the champagne and stuff, but I'd still put little bert into an industrial cheesegrater for kicks
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:46, Reply)

it's probably a once in a lifetime experience

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:49, Reply)

Of course it is
Once I've stuck my cock in a cheesegrater, it's not like I'll be able to do it again.

Let's change the subject now, as we seem to be the only ones here maybe I can attempt a normal conversation.
So, besides not going to rock concerts and phlegming up all over the shop, what are you doing this weekend?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:05, Reply)

well ok
but it might ruin your rep. tomorrow i am sneaking up to cheshire to surprise my daddy for father's day. ye?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:10, Reply)

I don't have a reputation worth worrying about.
That sounds sweet, will you be taking him anywhere nice?
I'll be forcing my little girl to take me out for lunch tomorrow, and she's promised me breakfast in bed, but I'm hoping she means cereal and orange juice, as I'm not sure I'd trust her with the toaster
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:14, Reply)

fuck better book somewhere, well reminded
christ hope you get breakfast in bed and not a fire in the kitchen...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:19, Reply)

Ah, she'll be fine
she's a clever little sod, and she can't reach the toaster anyway. I'll keep an eye on her.

Book somewhere? Cor, you're posh. At most I'm expecting a pub lunch, or maybe pizza express
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:22, Reply)

i have just booked the alderley hotel
tres ya-ya, dah-ling. well, if you like tango'd footballer's wives driving their husband's cars, anyway.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:29, Reply)

I certainly don't
but you best be careful taking your dad somewhere like that, the jaundiced, boob-jobbed tarts might give the poor feller a heart attack
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:32, Reply)

he will be duly blindfolded

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:42, Reply)

You and your dad
are into some seriously kinky shit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:44, Reply)

we're from up north
what did you expect
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:52, Reply)

Oop north?
Are we talking whippets and flatcaps, or irn bru and headbutting your nan in a manskirt?

EDIT reply to the main thread instead of this post, this is getting silly
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 20:57, Reply)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:36, Reply)

oh my
i feel better ALREADY
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:38, Reply)

as instructed
yorkshire via buckinghamshire (so i have a fairly plummy accent for a northerner) and then back up to cheshire. so flat caps, no whippets.

is it my computer or are these very spaced out tonight?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 21:10, Reply)

Is what spaced out?
The posts look the same to me
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 21:14, Reply)

oh
all the font is doublespaced. must be all the lemsip i have snorted this evening.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 21:22, Reply)

m.youtube.com/watch?gl=GB&client=mv-google&hl=en&v=snm6tulJPqM&rl=yes
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 21:31, Reply)

colds like this one demand an exception to every rule
EVERY rule
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 21:34, Reply)

Not after what happened to Zammo
Or have you no feelings at all?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 21:37, Reply)

who is zammo?
and no. i have no feelings at all! cf your lawyer post above.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 21:50, Reply)

Zammo was the guy from grange hill
Who got all messed up on drugs.

I made that comment in reference to my law student ex, therefore I call precedent and stand by it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 21:59, Reply)