I'll fuck off after I've delivered this football related rant
first, I'm glad that it was a thorough trouncing. I've said all along if we lose I want it to be a hammering from a half-decent team, because then maybe some of the idiots in this country will be able to accept that our team just isn't good.

There are a number of other points that I'd like to raise:
People bang on about how good Terry, Gerrard, Lampard, Rooney etc. are. If they were good then they would occasionally give a good performance for their country. They don't. The most simple explanation for this is that they aren't as good as everyone thinks but are made to look that good because their club football is played alongside some of the best in the world.

Cappello: I think he is a bit shit. Not because he couldn't get a performance out of our team, because no manager has been able to do that, but because he seems stubborn and an idiot.

Finally, we're 2 goals down. Need to score several to stay in the World Cup. why the blithering fuck would you bring on the worst striker who has ever existed?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:19, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You should be on the telly

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:21, Reply)

You sir
have never seen Jonas Axeldahl play
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I've already voiced by two dusty pennies on this one here
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post768212

Though I'm with Roota on this one; you'd be a lot more interesting to listen to that Alan fucking Hansen after a match. And if not, we could at least enjoy the steady undulations of your beard as you spoke.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

beard balls
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

beard and balls

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Is your beard
so long you have woven it into your pubic hair?
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

not yet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Your new EP?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

*shudders*
I think I prefer it when the post-match analysis types keep their clothes on.

Though I can imagine Vipros lying back on a lilo in a swimming pool, in the nip, with a glass of Sauv Blanc and a croissant, saying "Well, obviously Rooney was shit tonight and Cappello's a wanker..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Did they lose Wimbledon?
COME ON TIM!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

50p a jizz!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

THREE FER A PHAAND!
sorry, i'm not really sure where i'm going with this
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:29, Reply)

You were the one who started with the Henman Bukkake stall

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I thought I had found a gap in the market
turns out it was just a wank idea
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I'm so sorry Vipros
usually I read what you write with glee...but as soon as the F word is mentioned I begin to lose the will to live.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Glee!
Chickenlady said Glee! Let's talk about that instead!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I stopped watching it because it stopped being funny

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Did you bollocks
You're just desperate not to get tarred with the pink brush
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

tarred glittered
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Ooh, I'm using that
*pilfers*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I'm sorry, I've never watched Glee
I prefer watching gay hard men in Rescue Me.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I'm going to take that as an indirect complement
particularly as what I write is normally the ravings of a rage-filled bearded madman.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

rage croissant mad smug
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

It was a complement
I also like croissants
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I've decided my favourite variety are the almond paste-filled ones.
nom
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

almond man

Or alternatively

+ Mark
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

what's the second one about?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Mark Almond paste

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:50, Reply)

ah of course!
in that case, Al definitely deserves some credit for that one
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

thank you

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

I hate them the way you make then here
Why bitter almond? Why? Why not just normal, tasty almond? Why would I buy a cake to eat something bitter? If I want bitter, I have beer.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

the ones I'm thinking of are sweet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Costa does the best ones
Sex on a plate.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Oh, I'm going to have to try them then
But the ones they have in Tesco, Sainsbury's... are all bitter.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Morrisons ones are good
and M&S
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Annoyingly I have to agree with you on all counts
Bringing Heskey on was a terrifyingly inept move from a supposedly top-class manager. The Germans must have an idea of what Heskey can do (ha!) so that was like waving a little white flag
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Bringing on Hesksy was like waving a pooey stick at a column of tanks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Even though it hurts,
officelol
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Why does it hurt? Over-stretch your schincter at the weekend?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

That's the last time I make a football-related bet with a German fetishist

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:50, Reply)

"German fetishist"
minus points for redundancy
( djtrialprice, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Damn you and your cleverness

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

The problem with Terry, Gerrard, Lampard and Rooney
is that as people they are all uneducated cunts. The uneducated bit might not be their fault, but the cunt part most certainly is. They have no idea how the real world works and seem to feel entitled to a top class position in international football without actually being capable of delivering a top class international performance.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

it's the expectation of the top class performance that annoys me
because they fail to deliver one time after time for england, and the only way they can all do it with such consistency is that they are actually not as good as everyone makes out.

Not hard for Rooney to look like a great player when he has Ronaldo to help him out for example.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Rooney is a fat useless knacker

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

he's still better than all the rest
I feel he got singled out of our team in the world cup. they were all shit, and I thought Rooney did try but didn't have anything to work with. Then he gets frustrated and angry because he is a neanderthal.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

He is a Neanderthal.
How can anyone so fat be good at football? He suffers from Clegghead. Why is he aging so rapidly?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

you are right on all counts

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Terry's defedning yesterday was hilariously bad
watching just run after the ball like a ten year old would have been funny if it wasn't so depressing when you remembered that this is ALL HE HAS TO DO FOR A LIVING and he gets paid more in a week than I earn in a year. If that was me I would fucking concentrate on the game and mark the man.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I noticed
That the defence did seem to follow the same mentality as the way ten-year olds play defence, i.e., instead of marking all the German forwards who were approaching, they just swarmed towards whoever had the ball because it was their turn to try and stop him and then lo and behold, the crafty German feller passed it to another German! Who was hiding outside the frantic swarm of English players! Who'd have seen that one coming?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Like the Showjumpers from Big Train?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

And here we see their main predator
It's the artist formerly known as Prince. The jockeys gather together as a form of defence, but look, the artist formerly known as prince has spotted a lone jockey who has become separated from the herd.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Haha that was the jockeys
The showjumpers were the annoying little fuckers
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:08, Reply)

I can't remember the showjumper sketch.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:13, Reply)

They had those red coats on and they were childish and swarmy and interfering with things like firemen trying to put out fires

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Oh yes I remember
Okay, you can have a go but you've got to hold on tight okay? NO DON'T SPRAY THE CARS! Right let go, you've spoilt it now, go on, go away. GO AWAY!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:15, Reply)

He looks like
Shrek. This wouldn't be so particularly bad if he was good at what he gets paid 90 bajillion pounds per week to do, but as it is it just makes him more of a cunt.
(berk, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

You would say that though
He stabbed your lot firmly between the blue shoulder blades with a knife made of money
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

He did
And he sold his 'story' to the Sun, making the Reds in the city think that we're all a bunch of mercenary insensitive cunts.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

You must be amused by the prospect of watching Liverpool gradually collapse under the weight of their own expectation this summer

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

this summer every season
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I actually feel sorry for them

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

They are footballs nearly men.
have they got a new manager yet?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Not that I know of
Are they still talking about Kenny Dalglish?
I dunno, I'll ask Nana later.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

They're after Roy Hodgson
which is a terrible idea. He'll want 2-3 years to rebuild the team, and when they're mid-table at Christmas he'll get sacked
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I'd say Liverpool have a pretty good record with managers
So I can't see that happening.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Depends who leaves
It's not exactly a secret that if you remove Torres, Gerrard and Mascherano you're left with a bunch of journeymen
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Why on earth would you feel sorry for them?
I might, if they weren't so convinced of their god-given right to win a title they haven't had a sniff of in 20 years
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Because they're being destroyed from the inside by 2 business men who have no place in football?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Fair point
But if the same thing happened to Derby County I'd piss myself
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I dunno
Their fans are ever so passionate. And they've had success a lot more recently that 1966, when you put it like that.
They've been sold down the river.
I think little things matter, like the family atmosphere that the team and the whole administration seemed to have with eachother and with the fans when I was a kid. They fought hard to win because they felt part of something. Football's just an occupation now.
Greedy cunts.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

That thing about the fans really upsets me
Like yesterday, all day the comentators repeating how much effort all the England fans had done to go to South Africa, support the team, the money they put into it, the time... and? The Germans didn't? Why should we feel sorry about them and not happy about the Germany fans?

If they are stupid enough to spend a fortune to see a bunch of idiots playing with a ball, that's their problem. I feel sorry for the human race.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:04, Reply)

You make a good point
Anyone who can afford to spend that much has to be aware that their investment doesn't entitle them to good team displays any more than our investment in beer at a nearby pub does. But, y'know, you're Spanish, you can roll out the smug any time you like
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I'm not smug
I wouldn't be surprised if Portugal takes us out tomorrow, but then, we're the favourite, and everyone tries harder with the favourite.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:12, Reply)

You're not the favourite any more
Not since Switzerland. Brazil are the favourites now. This doesn't mean you'll get an easier ride though!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Woah I'm not talking about England fans
I couldn't give a shit!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

No, I talk in general
But yesterday the radio and tv was all day about how sad the England fans were. I think the same about any person crazy enough to think that spending money to see a ball match is going to make them win. Or even better, those who think praying will help! And how? The other team fans don't pray? Why are your prayers any better than theirs?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Yes dear
I know dear
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:13, Reply)

BECAUSE GOD IS ON BRITAIN'S SIDE, THAT'S WHY!
I jest, of course. I did spot a couple of England fans yesterday dressed up in the most ridiculous costumes and yet looking rather dejected as their team had lost, and just thought, "Yep, you must feel like a right tit now..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:19, Reply)

a season in the Championship will do them the world of good
Just like Newcastle.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I read that as
'blah blah blah football blah blah blah'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

In my defence
I did ask people not to mention football
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:18, Reply)