Enough of Bert's thread.
I re-read one of the Adrian Mole books over the weekend, and there is a section discussing Pandora's canoeing ability. The instructor "raved on about Pandora's powerful shoulders, limp wrists and gripping thighs" (direct quote). I was instantly reminded of our own limp wristed, thigh-gripping Crow.

What thing has recently reminded you of another b3tan?

AltQ: Where's the oddest thing you've ever put your fingers? My aunt had a hypo and I had to massage sugar gel onto her gums, while trying to avoid being kicked in the face. It was terrifying. Answers of "my minge" will not be tolerated.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:22, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I read hypo as hippo
and thought that wasn't an appropriate pet.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)

A joint one actually
I was out the other night and saw someone poledancing, and I thought Kitty and Applebite were most likely a lot better
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Next time rub it in her eyes
They're less bitey.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Had her eyes tightly closed
I've moved out of Borough, and I miss it :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Oh you plum,
where did you go? There's a room free at my place coming up too!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Back to Manc for a bit, but then down to Camberwell
It's going to be AWESOME.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

You shit
my thread doesn't stand a chance now.
If you lot weren't all such a bunch of mongs, I'd be king of this place already.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Your sig is the funniest, most ridiculous I've seen for years.
Edit - cancel that. I'd only read as far as 'Bert Monkeysex thinks'.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Wait a sec here, you fingered your minge and then rubbed it into your aunt's gums?
=/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:26, Reply)

My minge doesn't produce sugar gel.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:26, Reply)

and it never will with that attitude

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)

I just misread gel as 'yet'
Which is quite disturbing...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Is that Type 1 or Type 2 diabities, where you can't produce enough sugar?
I wonder if any vampire shows have disgusted about the merits of things like diebities.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I think both are a problem with insulin
which tackles breaking down sugar.

I think it's only plants that actually produce sugar, but I may be wrong.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Oh', I don't know much about this sort of thing.
I got a friend who's a GP, it's amazing that someone my age can be a GP ! I might ask her out on a date some time. I need to get myself a sugar-mamma.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)

+ry

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I don't know enough about diabetes to recognise danger signs
and it's not until someone's collapsed on the floor, drooling and vomitting and not responding that it's time to get a fucking ambulance in the house :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:42, Reply)

The people on the other end of 999 will tell you what to do, if you're calm there's no reason it should be serious.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:47, Reply)

She was brilliant
also had my GP aunt on the phone too. But I noticed she was sweating and almost nodding off, but I thought she was just tired and in the heat. It was terrifying.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I learnt the danger signs quite rapidly
After my diabetic uncle was driving a group of us to a pub in the middle of nowhere* after dark and started to go hypoglycaemic, declining my father's offer to take the wheel and insisting that he'd be fine as he narrowly avoided putting the car into a ditch...

*_{Well, Leicestershire, but the effect is much the same}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Apparently people have been arrested while having a hypo
for acting very strange. Kitty mentions she almost got punched in the face, I got kicked in the face and chest several times. Apparently being "combative" is a symptom. Sugar's WEIRD.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I just really, really, REALLY, wanted some haribo =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:54, Reply)

My ex tried to knife me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I had one in New York
I was totally fucked, no-one cares over there. Wife was clever enough to administer chocolate...
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 0:29, Reply)

You can get sugar by breaking down carbs.
So we kindof make it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

it's what all the cool kids
are doing Gonz. You mean you haven't?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)

his problem is that he's doing it
the wrong way round
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

I don't even own a minge =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

you'll have to look a bit harder

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Nah', it's kindda like a really good book or video game or film or whatever....
... sometimes you just want to read it and enjoy, not wanting it to end, as you're getting so much enjoyment from it.

I figure if I find a minge of my own, it's Game Over, or Level 2, donno really.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Over easter we saw a guitarist who reminded us of a baby Becky
But on receipt of the picture message, Becky pointed out that she'd never wear such a dirty vest.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I put both my fists, feet and traffic cone into your pobber.
You honked with delight like the QE2's foghorn.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:28, Reply)

sometimes the things you say are quite good and a bit funny
and sometimes they are not.

This post was the latter.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)

greeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Did you hear that DG!!? it wasn't good enough! shit man, he might sack me if I'm not careful, as Bert's personal entertainer.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

same here, don't worry though, you'll get it back

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Seeing as I remember little of what went on in the George
(apart from sitting on the smoking step round the back) I can neither confirm or deny this happened.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

You made me bend you over and pat you on the back really fast whilst you did steam train noises.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

No wonder JA looked at me funny all night

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

He looked at EVERYONE funny that night. He was so crosseyed I think he was classed as a cyclops.
He only had a couple of pints, bloody fairy welsher.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)

He didn't say a word the whole time we were on the Picc. line home in the morning
but that may just have been him judging me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:41, Reply)

he was just scared if people heard his accent that someone would mug him for his haircut.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I honestly kept forgetting he was welsh until he opened his mouth
Jaxachordal for best b3ta couple!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:45, Reply)

That combo would give you a quimquake in an instant.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:47, Reply)

You've seen the photo, rite?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

rite.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:49, Reply)

SF gazzed it to me.
Best thing he's ever done.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

aw, don't be harsh on yourself.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)

"It was more of a drunken fumble"
"If that's not an admission to two pumps and a squirt I dodn't know what is"

I love /talk
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I've had to do that to my sister's first boyfriend, trying to get glucose under his tongue
whilst my sister was trying to inject him in the thigh and he was trying to punch her in the face.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)

best threesome, ever

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Did you give up on threesomes after that?
Edit- Dammit
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

You're too slow
just like yours and your sister's children
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Don't judge me with your "non-somerset" standards
And i'll have you know that I don't have any children with my sister. They're all in pickle jars touring the country with a circus.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)

They get awful fighty, don't they.
It was utterly terrifying, I'd never encountered a hypo before. What scared me the most is how normal she seemed even an hour after we got the glycogen/glucagon in
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

yeah it is kind of scary
and he seemed normal just before hand and then fine again afterwards, with no memory of the attack.

He would also deny he was having an attack right up until he collapsed, even if he was shaking and spasming and stuff.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)

A biker fell asleep in my local on Saturday
His (equally massive) friends were laughing as they drew on his face, and they gleefully (at my suggestion) drew a cock on his neck. Sadly my phone camera was fooked, so I couldn't get a photo. 0 points for guessing which b3tan I was thinking about there.

Alt Q: It wasn't the oddest, but the stupidest place I've ever put my finger was inside a PC while it was on, that bloody hurt.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)

You're lucky she didn't arrest you.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Nice.
*applauds*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

a mans arse is a pretty interesting thing to have your fingers in, I reckon

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)

That reminds me...
They're remaking the disney film "The Black Hole"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Especially if they're Bird's eye and you've run out of plates.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

With Voltaire's Angry Glove?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:51, Reply)

still not as bad as a Rickroll I reckon

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Have you stuck your finger in many men's arses?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)

she said fingers gonz...
FINGERS
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:54, Reply)

how many is "many"?

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)

More than 5 per hand is unusual.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:05, Reply)

that's a fair point, I reckon I've not had many

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I was about to object indignantly to this inference of terrifically camp behaviour on my part
Until I spotted the paper at the top of the pile on my desk has, as its authors, a fellow whose surname is Wang, and another chap whose first name is Semen.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:47, Reply)

POIDH

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Hope this link works...
This is the one
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)

is it making the office uncomfortable?
off to the Heath for a bit of action?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

It got him remembering the weekend
And now he needs a new desk, as his hardon speared right through it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)

poor man
and those fellows a few minces away charge so terribly much for their time
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Actually, at the moment I'm just looking for a sturdy pair of tweezers
The wood splinters in my throbbing helmet are proving most uncomfortable.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:57, Reply)

next time MDF

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Man De Fuckup?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Oh, I was chatting to one of my cousins
who was trying to explain the weirdest thing he'd eaten to a little (French) cousin. He started off saying "corbeau", but thankfully he only meant something similar, I think it was "corbin", or chough.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I got really excited when I saw Alpine Choughs for the first time
At the top of a weather station on top of the Jungfrau and all I could do was enthuse about these Choughs and take photos of them.

Wait, that sounded wrong...

_{Because I was sad enough to look these things up:
Un corbeau (grand) = a raven
Une corneille noire = a carrion crow
Un corbeau freux = a rook - quite common in France and more traditionally eaten for food
Un chacou des tours = a jackdaw
Can't actually remember what a chough is now...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)

I know someone with the surname Cornell
Maybe that has more to do with Crows than I thought (i.e. not at all)

I do know a real Miss Crow, too, and I assume there is also a Mr and Mrs Crow. She's younger than me, though, so no luck there for you :P
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:09, Reply)