Work poo
A friend of mine in my workplace insists that one should never defacate in the workplace unless "you've got your timings all wrong, like". I think this is because he has a one-year-old son and only when shitting is he ever given a moment's peace at home.

I am firmly of the opinion that work poos should be encouraged, as it represents the only time when you get paid to drop the kids off at the pool. Unless you're a childminder.

Where do you stand on this contentious topic? Also; what is the best, most entertaining way possible for the upcoming and nigh-on unavoidable series of the X Factor to end? Get creative, people
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 12:59, 76 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

this thread is shit.
lol I'm funny
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

You're half right

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

either you're admiting your thread is shit or you're admitting I'm funny.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

And Sophie thought she had a tough choice.

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

^ POTD

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

ha ha

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Alright Chompy.
Seen any good Amorous Badger fails lately?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Nope, no one cares enough dude
you need to be more of a git.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

I liked that one about pissing in his girlfriend

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

That's one of the best Sex Lies I've seen in ages.
A Fail so epic it's almost a Win.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

It's only ever Sandette Light Vessel and Falstaff's Spritual Successor that complain.
Usually about two minutes after I post something.

I bet if I say 'QOTW IS RUBBISH' in a new thread they'll appear.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I'm a work-shitter
You're being paid to shite, and it saves money on toilet roll.

It's a no brainer.

Also, if I go for a swim at lunchtime, I always have a dump afterwards, then I can wash my arse properly in the shower.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

With another man's cock?
You disgust me, even after all these years.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Don't be silly, Clendrix
I use my own cock.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Well, at least it's keeping busy.

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

It'll be getting a full workout later tonight
Which I'm looking forward to.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

A clean arse for the weekend. Nice.

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I meant my cock is getting a workout
My arse will just be, well, there. Doing arsey stuff, like farting.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Poo at work, but make sure there is bog roll
also, no students within earshot

x-factor - some kind of flesh eating virus?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Our toilets are HANGING

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

avoid those, then
the ones at the college I'm at now aren't so good. I should probably decide where I work next based on the bogs
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Do you have to use
one of those weird round stool/step things like from the school library, to get on the bog?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Kik-Step?
I'm not THAT short.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

for them to make it
but not actually film it. Same with Big Brother. Then to alternatively show a series about how they cope with the grief of knowing the nation has not seen them be mediocre
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

upset about a tv show you don't have to watch
ONLINE
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I'm not upset
I'll freely admit that due to circumstances beyond my control I saw the housemates enter the house this year, and four years ago I saw half a series of X-factor since my mother watched it (the one with Andy the binman.) I do think it's ludicrous though, takes up a lot of schedule time and results in some annoying headlines as well as a lot of vacuous people opening local supermarkets.

My suggestion was rather tongue in cheek, since it would still fill the schedules
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

I easily avoid things I don't want to watch or read
by turning my telly off and having a wank.

Calm down, pet.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I don't shit at work, the toliets are disgusting
but it seems that most of my colleagues do, and that they all must have bowel problems.

I don't like those reality tv/talent shows, but being a mature adult of more than capable cranial capacity I have established that I am not the target audience, and therefore it doesn't keep me awake at night. Besides, my little girl likes some of the audition stages, and we've watched it together a couple of times.
It's family viewing, not meant for angry internet fuckwits to watch.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

If you get to the bogs first thing in the morning
you can have the first crap after the cleaners have been in.

I've only watched X-factor because I've been in someone else's house when it was on. It's about as interesting as pulling my arse hairs out. But less satisfying. So I don't watch it if I have the choice.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

So you have a choice, and any sensible person would choose not to watch it
but kids aren't sensible.

Even after cleaning the bogs at my work are grim
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

It's not the kids
It's the adults who watch it that worry me.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

the adults that watch it are either backward, or watching it with their kids

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:23, Reply)

My nana phoned my mum's house furious.
If I remember rightly she thought I was my mum, and she said "Girl, don't make me watch that again. It's cruel. Them poor people aren't right and we're laughing at them."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

There you are...

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Oh my fucking actual fucking god

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Couldn't find a quick hubcap pic on a white background
Hence the black jpg weirdness around it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

It's great

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

You're welcome!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I like the VW wheeltrim

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Winna!

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Winna!

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

So good you winned it twice!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

She'd forgotten about the first one.
Poor old dear.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Awww

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Now you mention it,
I'm just off for a clearout now.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I'm working one up as I write.

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I'm fully in favour of taking a dump at work
First thing in the morning, it gives me something to do whilst I'm waiting for my computer to get its act together. Aside from which, if I expend my morning motion in the tranquility of my own home, it feels like a bit of a waste, whereas at work I can share the eye-burning odour, peculiar array of sousaphone-esque noises and howls of pain with everybody in the department.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I'm back
And measurably lighter.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I tend to sit for mine.

Alt Q: The winning act should be a Michael Ryan, Dylan Klebold, Richard McBeef and Moaty tribute, with hilarious consequences.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

You'd stand in some older French establishments
The rooms with the hole in the floor and two boards for your feet.

Quite a unique experience.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

A friend of mine
once slipped over in one of them. He said it was like The Somme. Worse still, whilst he was grubbing around in garlicky merde, the lightbulb in there blew....and then he got a nosebleed.

Rarely has a tale of such piteous woe made me laugh so hard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

please god no

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

That is worthy of this week's QOTW
I think you should mosey on over there and post it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I don't shit at work.
Not at this work, anyway. I work with Kashmiri muslims, hence there's no toilet paper.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

No bog roll?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

You know how they eat only with their right hand?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Yeah, but i thought that was symbolic
I thought they used paper as well
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

You'd like to hope so, wouldn't you?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Yes, come on Noel.
Speak 'roota' or she won't understand.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Aye

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Just in case anyone missed it:
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html

What made me laugh is how my brother found the story: the chap fucked the dog in the dry moat of Pendennis Castle - my brother was searching for news stories featuring 'Moat'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

How can I not read a story with a headline like that.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

hahahhaha
"This was a very rare incident".
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Again, poor old moaty.

(Cave Duck, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:35, Reply)

RIP You Legend

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Maybe if you say that enough david cameron will get involved.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:36, Reply)

If Ray Mears and Gazza couldn't save him
what chance did the poor bastard have?
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Cornwall, 'nuff said ;)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

My friends got married at that castle.
Sickos.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Bet they fucked a dog too

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

It made a pleasant change from the dull 'cutting the cake' photos.

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Why is it so important the people get pics of the couple cutting a fucking cake?
It drags it out, and then I have to wait even longer to eat the damn cake.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Whereas if everyone gathered round
to watch the groom bumming a Great Dane, I'd happily wait a couple of extra minutes for cake.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

"in the dry moat"
*collapses in mirth*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

this is a very rare incident
(also I imagine the 'full and frank confession' was interesting to listen to)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Until about half an hour ago
I thought taking a dump at work was fine. Then I walked in to toilet and was confronted with not one, not two but THREE long, bloody skidmarks!

I'm amazed that anyone can do that and stroll nonchalantly back in to the office.
( ElParrot, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 15:05, Reply)