Gah!
I was going to pearoast an old qotw story (from Shit Stories 2) for this week's 'Ouch' qotw but I just read it and it's a bit thin and very tenuous.
Bugger.

What's disappointed you recently?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:37, 67 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm hungover and have told many people about it but I still haven't been given a bacon sandwich.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)

You need marmite on toast.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I bet you get angry when chavs claim benefits
So stop being hypocritical and make yourself one.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Nope not at all, I'm a right on lefty.
omg starcraft 2 I haven't even played it online yet fucking love it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)

I completed the campaign last night
Soooo good! Although I spend hours on each level, so will get utterly destroyed online.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I'll gaz you my name tonight and we can have a match at somepoint.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Cool beans
Just don't laugh in my face too hard when you roll my base in the first five minutes.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

I make no such promise.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:11, Reply)

aww... tear. lol. I would hate that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

That's because you're jewish.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I won't appologise for my culture, and neither should I.
I think it's disgusting that you would want me to, to be honest. And besides, you haven't lived until you've had a shag through a hole in a sheet and shown it to your family the morning after.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

I have a friend that doesn't like bacon
we probably shouldn't be friends
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)

My new client has disappointed me greatly
Agreed a £20k deal on Saturday morning (the cash doesn't go to me). Phone call this morning to postpone until further notice.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I've told everyone I'm lovely and single and no-one has made a pass at me yet.
Apart from an indian British Rail worker.
( girlinthehole, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Then you shouldn't have asked if you could use his Tannoy to announce it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I thought it might be helpful in reaching a bigger target audience.
It's amazing how quickly a railway station can empty.
( girlinthehole, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)

*bing bong*
Your attention please. There is a lovely single available girl in the waiting room on Platform 3. There is a lovely single available girl in the waiting room on Platform 3.

Public: "British Rail cunts. Ticket prices'll be up next month for this..."
*gets back to crossword*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)

A picture of me from Saturday night
I'm not photogenic at the best of times, but this one pic made me look horrific.
*looks into bulimia as an effective weight-loss plan*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Shut it, fatty

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

*cuts himself
another slice of cake*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Nice.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I was good at anorexia and bulimia

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I'm just too shit to lose weight
I am very good at talking myself out of doing exercise...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)

that's me nowadays
It has to reach ultimate crisis point, eg three weeks until bf's sister's wedding.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I'm going on holiday in 3 weeks-ish
I wonder how much I can lose?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

3 weeks?
Men lose it faster. I did a stone in less than 4 weeks once.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Not me, I have the metabolism of a Hutt

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I'm in a plateau point now
And I don't know what to do. I've been looking at personal trainers, but it's at least £21/h; a lot more than what I have or I'd like to spend.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:13, Reply)

You know, I was only thinking the other day that you look like Brendan Fraser
Give him a mohican and it's you!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

You're not the first person to say that...

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Therefore it must be correct!
You *do* look like him!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Old pic (from just after I had my dreads cut off)
Me
Him

Edit: Changed to links to save space
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)

That is uncanny.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

That's fairly scary

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Left or right though?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Sadly more the right than the left

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

It's all in the look on his face

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Myself.
And my kidneys.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Peeing blood after a night on the sauce?
Never good.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)

It wasn't boozies that caused it, and there will be no boozies for me for a while.
I've had this before, it hurts like fuck.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Oof, not good
Is it a hot water bottle and bed type thing?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Codrydamol and bed.
And lots of water.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Ooh, I've not had Codrydamol before
I've had 30/500 Co-Codamol, then remembered it was likely to make me drowsy, so decided I'd counteract it with a bottle of Lucozade. Wandering round McDonalds stoned for 8 hours made an entertaining shift
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Nyom nyom nyom, opiets and Red Bull (like) Drinks.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Was good fun!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I spend most days in a morphine haze, I think that's why I'm such a jolly guy, for the most part.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Nice.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Something in work
But vengeance will be mine one day. If there's a god.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

I thought you were sure already?

( girlinthehole, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Me?
Nah. I've no idea. I'm covering several bases though, just in case.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

my immune system.
Mummy has whooping cough and now I'm getting all the symptoms she has. Really, really hoping it's just a bad cold at my end.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Nothing really, everythings is Looking Up Gonz Street at the moment.
Yeah', sure, life could be better, I could have a whoreeem of chicks who dig me, getting booty-calls every other night. And yeah', sure, I could be more well. And I could have loads more money.

But you know what? I got a roof over my head, food on my plate, a song in my heart, great friends, loads and loads of prospects and I'm remaining optimistic that one day I'll have a dog of my own.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

whoreem
my new favourite word
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)

My apathy
If I don't get approved by the benefits agency, It's likely I'll be homeless this time next month. I've got the form at home, nearly entirely filled out, but I need to contact my landlord to find out a few things. Have I bothered yet? Nope.

It's not getting to the point where I'm waking up in the morning, and wondering whether it's even worth going to work. Not good at all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)

c'mon boy!
Call your landlord now! Do you want me to go round yours and tell you off for lazy? Eh? Remember, I'm the internet mum, and I can give you detention!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Problem. As I say, I've left the form at home, and I'm at work. Can't contact him til tonight, as I can't remember what it is I need to ask

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Ok, Ok
But you better do it tonight, eh?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I probably will

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)

there's this guy that I'd had a crush on for aaaages
well
opportunity presented itself

/disappointed
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Ouch
most crushing type of disappointment right there.
( Kroney, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Cheesy cock?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

i think he's on massive drugs
if you're picking up what i'm putting down
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Massive drugs
= tiny winky?
( Kroney, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:21, Reply)

limp :/

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Oof, the Melty Man strikes?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Sorry, it's all smugness here at the moment
Just bought a really nice bed frame off ebay. Some couple's moving to Australia. Try buying the one they had, but missed out. Turns out they have two and I've just bought the second! Including van rental, I've bought a king sized bed for under a tun.

Most productive.

I've also bought new books and made a cheesecake and generally had an awesome weekend.

It'll all come crashing down once I run out of money half way through the month, but for the moment it's all smiles.
( Kroney, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:20, Reply)