No poop allowed in this thread
One day I intend to build my own house.

Wiggy wants a games room at the back with a projector screen and beanbags. I want a pole studio and walk in wardrobe with an electric rail like she has in Clueless.

We both want a ball pit and a slide next to the stairs.

If you could build your own house, what would be a must-have?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:34, 149 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

a goddamn proper recording studio
every time
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I already know what my house will be like
Reclaimed industrial space in London Bridge/Lambeth/Peckham.
must be tall becuase I'm going to build the living quarters on stilts above the workshop/gym.
( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:37, Reply)

sounds cool
make me a CAD drawing of every room so I can visualise.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)

No

( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)

I second the ball pit and slide
My house would have to have secret corridors to link some rooms, and a pool with one side being glass, so you can see into the pool from a basement rec room.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:38, Reply)

At the last festival I went to there was a shed-sized box that people were paying a quid to go in
and they were just disappearing. Later on in the festival I discovered that there was a tunnel that ran through the woods to the other side of the festival. If anyone went in that tunnel on drugs it would have scared the bejesus out of them!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

That sounds trippy!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

A minstrels gallery.
Along with a spiral staircase, and a basement.

Edit: I forgot the big "Fuck off" sign at the front door.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:38, Reply)

I want a spiral staircase
I've always wanted one, I don't really know why.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)

They're a pain to carry anything large up
*remembers helping a friend to carry a wardrobe up a spiral staircase*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)

There would be a hoist for that sort of thing.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)

oh if there's a hoist I will definitely be having a piano on the first floor just so I can take a photo of it being hoisted up

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Just like the PG Tips ad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I suspect more like this:

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:13, Reply)

yeah that's what I was thinking of

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

yeah that's true
I'd use the Wingardium Leviosa removal company.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)

depends
if it's in the country, then some ridiculously ostentatious towers, and possibly a moat (either kind) to keep the locals out

if in the city then I'd like to have a massive library
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Ooh I'd like to have a library, or just a general Quiet Time Room
with all my hobby stuff in it. I want a library that needs a ladder.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)

exactly
when I make my money (if ever) I'll pay someone else to interior design it for me. I'd just want a nice mix of old fashioned library/study and modern kitchens etc
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)

if only you knew someone who was doing a degree in interior design and would probably be finished by the time you're rich

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

would that happen to be your subject by chance?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

oh look at that, it is!
:D
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

proper wine cellar (ideally full of good wine)
and a kick-ass climbing wall
( zulu eh?, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)

and battlements (with weapons)
so i can chase away the jehova's witnesses and virgin media sales people
( zulu eh?, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I'm getting a new phone.
That's more interesting.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)

No it isn't.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Stop sucking up to her she wont sleep with you.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)

I want her to be awake.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)

you're right, I'm so boring that I should just link news stories so I don't have to risk trying to engage people from my own imagination

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I'm interested in the real world,
you just spend your entire day dreaming of your imaginary house and imaginary lists of things you'll never do.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Is this just because you live in a cardboard box next to the canal?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

he can't afford waterside property.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Haha
It will have to be by the tracks of the west coast main line then.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

you're kind of a dick.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

So it's fine for you to insult my posting style but not the other way around?
typical
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

ZING

( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

They spend a good proportion of the day mocking the fact I'm currently homeless
or calling me a rapist but get very upset if I say anything back.
I should start writing down their 'traits' for my innevitable flounce.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Where are you staying?
Parent's basement?
( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Parents at the moment, I've got a viewing of a place tomorrow hopefully be moved by the end of the month.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)

So last night you were playing WoW
in your parent's house?
( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Yes, I got an epic world drop though
so it's not pathetic.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

gz

( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)

It's not that,
you call me a tart and such all the time which I don't take offence to, I don't mind forum banter. You just slag off everything but you don't often provide much of substance yourself and in this case you're being hypocritical by calling my post uninteresting. Srs bsns this internets.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

kind of
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Does she ring you when she needs backup or something?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)

yeah it's like the bat signal
only it's a silhouette of a pole dancer.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Kitty
Are you an attractive online girl?
( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)

of course
have you not seen my rhino pictures? I give people the horn.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I haven't seen them

( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:23, Reply)

That's probably for the best

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

You're a bit of a dull shitcunt though
/ac
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)

HAHA
lolling at this
( WormuIus, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

i also want a spiral staircase

(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Waterslide that you can add shower gel to with an industrial dryer at the bottom to save on boring showers
Games room full of pinball machines - no xbox allowed
Squash court
Screening room
Indiana jones cupboard outside to scare the postman
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Squash scares me
It's like tennis for mental people.

What's an Indiana Jones cupboard? That reminds me, I should add 'nuclear-bomb proof fridge'.

Someone put bubble bath in the fountain near the bar I dance in when it was really windy, it was raining foam upwards.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Its more fun than tennis, tennis is for wimps.
Everyone needs an indiana jones cupboard. Its a person size cupboard just outside your home that's riddled with huge spiders, earwigs and other insects that go mental when the door opens. Our postman used to leave packages in it if he couldn't be arsed to ring the doorbell. New posties were heard to stifle a scream when they put their hand in there.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

ewww!
Shudder.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

It's a cupboard that looks like Indiana Jones, silly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

I would love that!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Oh I love pinball machines
I want one, but they cost a fortune on eBay.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

John Entwistle's 'Pinball Wizard' machine went for about 3.5k a few years back.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

My friend has one in his kitchen. It only gets switched on at parties because its so loud

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

I went for a long weekend in Wales with loads of mates
And we stayed in an ace barn conversion. They had a Hook pinball machine that I played on a lot, even though it was fairly knackered (the right flipper was pissweak, and if you hit the ball into a top hole it'd often get stuck and you'd have to reset the game).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I wanted one when I was a kid
so my dad made me one out of stuff he had lying around, it was brilliant.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I would rebuild my (now sadly demolished) family seat.
Must haves include tapestries, tasty weapons and TURRETS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

turrets stena stair lift
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I didn't know that ferry company also did stair lifts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

damnit
you wiley old fox
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

And MASSIVE DRUGS

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I will be racking out lines in the Great Hall using a claymore.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Monty's House
Right here
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

haha I wish.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

drum room
dojo
projector room
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Who are you going to wrestle with?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

wrestle?
I'm gonna fight visitors

to get to the fun rooms you must defeat me
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I'll fight you, but I'm not wearing the full sumo kit.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)

naked fighting only

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I reckon you'd run first.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)

towards you open armed

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)

GHOST BUSTERS!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

A room big enough to accommodate a full size snooker table
with a professional match quality snooker table.

One can dream.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

The house I grew up in was put up for sale a few months ago
and in the dining room they've put a full size snooker table, I was like "why the hell didn't my parents think of that?"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Maybe they weren't pikeys?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I didn't think snooker was particularly pikey
It doesn't really go with the decor though:
www.athertons-uk.com/property/1643277
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Ok, for "snooker" read "billiards"
not so pikey now huh?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

In the dining room?
Yes, very pikey indeed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:20, Reply)

The previous owners of my house knocked down the wall between my dining room and the living room
I could probably get a full size table in there, but there wouldn't be room for proper cueing action.

I also wouldn't have a useable living room or dining room.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I hate it when they have a pool table in a pub and it's so crammed in that you can't take proper shots from certain angles

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)

I once saw a pub pool table that was hexagon in shape and you could turn it around to play the shot
this was so it could fit in the corner. Very odd.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I want a Victorian style study
all dark wood, leather and bookcases full of hardbacks. Preferably with a bay window and definitely with a globe drinks cabinet.
( Kroney, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

good idea Monty

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Bugger off.
Globe drinks cabinet? Insufferably common.

Might as well put a red brick wishing well in the front garden and be done with it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

aww that sounds nice!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Insufferably common?
I take extreme exception to that, sir. If it were good enough for the Reform Club, it will be good enough for me.
( Kroney, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)

if it WAS good enough, Kroners old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I've put a lot of thought into this
my mrs is a chartered structural engineer and my bro and his wife are architects, which is a good combination of people to enable the building of a house.

It's going to be square, partly sunk into a hillside, with a courtyard in the middle of the square.

Must haves are:
Roof garden
Recording studio
Library
swimming pool
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Sounds awesome
that's the kind of thing I want, I looked in depth at the Huf Haus company. They don't deliver worldwide though and I'm hoping to end up in warmer climes.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

they are cool
the mrs' godparents seriously considered one, but got turned down for planning (just outside Henley) because they fell out with one of the council people. the fools.

we've put a load of thought into construction methods and stuff as well. the mrs has to specify various floor systems and shit like that, so we will have a good range of stuff to call on when we eventually build it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I love kooky houses, like the ones on dorknob.com or whatever it's called
the house boat article they did was breathtaking.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)

not seen that
sounds interesting

in other news: we've booked our wedding
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

here it is:
dornob.com/design/architecture/houseboats/

Yay! Where is it? Do you have a link to the venue so I can nosey?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Some of those look cool, but a lot look like they should come with hot and cold running croissants for the smug gits buying them.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I think most of them are concept houses
so they're probably not even sodding lived in.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Then my new concept is croissants on tap. With a hand-pump jam dispenser. it will be a SnackBathRoom.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I might hire a personal croissanter to make me a fresh plate of smugness every day

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

I want a ham and cheese croissant sandwich now. But I just ate. Damn.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

yer tis
www.olaves.co.uk/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

nice place.
So have you told her about us or are you just going to wait until the day and do a "what she doesn't know is that we've switched the bride! Let's watch".
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

haven't decided yet
we've got a year and a bit to work out the details
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

sweet, keep me posted

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

will do

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I like the 'partly sunk into a hillside' bit
I want that, or a converted missle silo, or a castle.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Hobbit house. 'nuff said :D
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)

There are a lot of normal houses near me that are hard up against a hill side.
If I owned one, on day one I would start excavating a labyrinth.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Would day two be the creation of a human-cow hybrid to stalk around in it?
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I need somewhere to keep my son.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Advance planning, I approve.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:19, Reply)

amazing kitchen - 3 ovens, 8 burner hob & loads of gadgets.
Golf course.
Karting track.
Cinema.
Cider on tap in every room.
Library.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Wiggy actually looked into how much it would cost to get coke, lemonade, etc on tap
I was surprised to find it's actually not that pricey, it's about £1k to install, but the post mix and bottled C02 is pretty cheap.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I quite like the idea of different drinks on tap in each room & naming the rooms after the drink available
"I'm going to the Guinness room for a nap"
"The cat's been sick on the Chablis room carpet"
etc.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)

A japanese style bathroom/wetroom
with a large bath made of cypress wood. Would probably have a tatami room as well, and a library.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)

A wetroom is a must
I love them. What's a tatami room? I'm too lazy to google.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

It's a Japanese dining room
Where you kneel down to eat at low tables.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Japanese style flooring
traditionally made from rice straw woven into mats.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Dance studio, tree house in the garden
One of those massive double staircases in the entrance hall with medieval weaponry all over the walls.
Suit of armour.
Turret with a top floor study.
Huge reclaimed fireplaces.
Four poster bed on raised dias.
Widow's walk.
And I would instruct the architect to put hidden rooms and secret passages in but not tell me where they are so I could have hours of fun looking for them.

Essentially, I want to live in a castle.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

from the sounds of things
everyone on /offtopic wants a castle
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

except me, who has actually thought seriously about when he builds his own house

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)

I have srs house thoughts
But the child in me still wants that damn slide.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)

That's a great list!
I'll have one of those too, or failing that, invade yours.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)

You don't need to invade.
You can come visit and we'll have victorian tea parties. I'll teach my guard dogs to recognise your scent.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

That sounds perfect!
I shall dress in my finest attire.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

My family's castle has the spiral staircases going the opposite way from normal,
because we are predominantly left-handed. REPOSTED TRUFAX.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I've thought long and hard about this
and it has to be a Thunderdome
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)

You'd never be able to have your mates round, because for every two men that enter, only one man leaves. It's a vicious, bloodstained awesome spiral.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)

yeah but you could keep inviting round one mate and one guy you hate
until all that's left is people you like.

Then: deathmatch.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:23, Reply)

You don't get it. TWO men enter! ONE man leaves! If three go in, that breaks the RULES. We need the rules! Won't somebody think of the children? Because they're fighting next...
I'vehadtoomuchcoffee.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

and what if the one you like loses
and you're left with nothing but cunts?
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Do that thing like he did in Gladiator
where you give the cunt a right good stabbing before he goes in.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

this is all starting to sound a little bit too homoerotic to me

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

'give the cunt a right good stabbing' sounds homoerotic to you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

"Two men enter!"
"One man spluffs!"
"BUMDERDOME!"
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I seriously came up with this when I was a kid: A Porno Slide.
It's a big bouncy vibrating slide, a mile long, that has loads of bouncy bits and texture changes, that you shag someone while going down, when you reach the bottom, a laying-down type escalator takes you back up to the top and drops you off at the slide. It has foam running down it.

I think I was about 8 when I came up with this idea.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Your design genius peaked early, I see. It was all downhill from there. *getscoat*
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

A tower
With a dome on the top, which functions as a chill-out room and also an observatory

Secret passages and rooms, including a tunnel that runs to a summerhouse. Preferably that would be sited on an island in a lake which the house looks out over

A fully-automated robotic warehouse, hidden behind "magic cupboards". So, when I put something in the cupboard, it gets taken to it's proper place in the warehouse. When I want it again, I simply request it on a touchscreen, and it arrives in the cupboard.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)