Pull up a chair
and listen to my tale of woe......

On my wedding day (just over two years ago), my to-be wife's father and I had sorted out a horse and carriage to take them both to the hotel where we were to get married. One the day, our 18 month old daughter also decided she wanted to go along too.

On the way down to the hotel the horses got spooked and bolted, turning the carriage over onto a roundabout. I, of course, was in the hotel bar drinking so knew nothing about this. I wandered upstairs to the room we had booked as the guests filled it up, staying away from the windows so I didnt see her beforehand, etc.

My wife's cousin suddenly shouted that she had turned up in a car, covered in blood. I basically had to stand there not knowing what was going on for what seemed like ages!

After a 20 min delay while she was cleaned up (cut arm, bruised face, bad back), my 18 month old daughter (cut foot, meaning she couldnt be our flower girl as she couldnt walk on it) and father in law to be (big cut to hip and torn clothes) we managed to get married!

That was an anxious wait!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bollocks.
You beat up your wife-to-be and concocted this frankly poor story to cover it up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Damn!
Foiled already!

I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you pesky b3tans
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I like the way he also beat up his father in law & daughter to add to his cover story. Nice attention to detail here.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:09, Reply)

When a jobs worth doing...
EDIT:

Punching the horse out was the hardest part of the cover story
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

You are Mongo
AICMFP
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Damn right!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Showed my friend that last weekend
He hasn't stopped replying to my 'Good morning' texts with 'Up yours, nigger' yet.

Fantastic.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:17, Reply)

The punching the horse out scene
is possibly one of the funniest things I've ever seen! I just can't stop laughing at it!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

It's the beans round the fire scene for me
Proof I've still not grown up.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:25, Reply)

My father is a 67 year old academic.
That film and 'Animal House' are his absolute favourites.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Animal house is utterly brilliant in every way. Kudos to your OLD man.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I've never seen Animal House
*runs*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:37, Reply)

you can prob pick it up on play or amazon for pennies.
It really is worth a watch.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Might download it later
Then again, tonight is Karaeoke, so I'll do it tomorrow.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:43, Reply)

the fun never stops

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:52, Reply)

This kareoke is awesome
We've got a guy who sings 'Rock Lobster', he's just magnificent to laugh at.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

That is funny
But its the way the horse snaps its head over to one side then falls down that gets me every time!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:31, Reply)

what film are you talking about?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Blazing Saddles

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:26, Reply)

ahhhh
I've seen that, although it was yonks ago.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:32, Reply)

In that case, you'll just have to watch it again.
Now.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I like this!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I thought you were a girl

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Why?
Is it the tits?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:09, Reply)

yeah, they're unignorable.
I think it might have just been the cow part of your name as that's usually a female derogatory term.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Nope, sorry
Bloke
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:23, Reply)

It's ok
I thought Cougar was a bloke for ages, so it evens out.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:24, Reply)

No offence taken

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I thought you were a cat

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

well, that's gone and
spoilt your wank imagination, now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I went to a fancy dress party a couple of halloweens ago and there was this girl who was
dressed as a big blue cat. Sexiest girl I'd seen in a while. That went in the bank. And her boyfriend (yeah I had a go) was called Ricky Martin.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:14, Reply)

my friend once wrote the best LJ entry ever
revolving around a dream about a cat in lingerie ("It wasn't a furry, it was a REAL cat, so that's OK") and about trying to find it's vagina. I might try and find it and quote the best bits
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I'm always up for creepy dream porn me.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:17, Reply)

OK, found it
"I start to go down on her. However, as she is a cat (quite cute I might add) she has a rather small, well, vagina (and clit) so I have trouble finding the entrance (frustrating obviously) but I continue on for a while, her back arching, obviously enjoying it (that's something I guess;)"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:30, Reply)

oh god that's gross!
that actually made my stomach turn a bit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:33, Reply)

hahahahaha brilliant
does he talk about furry tits at any point?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:34, Reply)

yes :(
oh, actually on reading, not very much. He has elaborated on it in real life since (frequently)

wait, no there is this bit: "She then removes her bra (here we go..) and I proceed to place my lips around her smooth, nippleless cat breast"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I'm nursing a semi here.
Is your friend a bit *special*? would he actually shag a cat?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:38, Reply)

he certainly has his own 'style'
I don't think he'd shag a cat. In the replies, though he does point out that furrys are an acceptable form of beastiality.

TO be fair, he's a fairly sane guy (ish) with no filter between thinking and talking/typing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I like him for being batshit mental and liking furries.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)