Tomorrow I'm picking up the keys
for my first ever flat, with a mortgage and everything. Fair to say I'm slightly nervous.

What's the biggest undertaking you've ever been part of?

Alt. Q - I wrote my will yesterday, was a bit depressing. Do you know who you'd leave stuff to?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 21:52, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I started a match dot com profile. Puke.
I've also placed an ad for a date on craigslist.
I anticipate loads of penis pics
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 21:57, Reply)

Why not just invite Edmund to send you some cock?
It'd be much easier that way, and at least you'd know him!?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:01, Reply)

I actually don't.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:04, Reply)

Oh I see
Gaz'd cock pics to lady b3tans several times

www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Craig_Colclough

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1219741/Victim-lying-Major-TA-girl-fell-serial-fantasist-said-hed-Army-medic-fighter-pilot-psychiatrist.html

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/2008/09/07/bank-axes-fake-army-major-78057-20726660/
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:08, Reply)

utter raving mentalist
even worse than the usual sort we get around these parts.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:11, Reply)

Will and new house all at once
grown up times. Biggest undertaking is due in about a month. Moving from England to Wales to be close to UNI. Got myself a whole house for just over 100k. Kind of shitting it now really as it's responsibility.

Not doing a will though! not yet.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:01, Reply)

Fuck me, tell me about it!!!
Responsibility? This time last year I had just moved to London and was living it up, Skid Row style.

Now I've got repayments and all kinds of legal documents clogging up the fun.

I had to write my will to get the mortgage, otherwise the state gets your house?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:03, Reply)

noooooo
intestacy rules apply. spouse, parents, children, siblings and then a few other random relatives before it goes to the crown.

the fun starts when they can't decide what to do with it.

/lawyer
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:04, Reply)

Interesting.
My solicitors lied to me. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?

Oh...
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:13, Reply)

They are greedy fuckers.
I don't know how old you are, but I guess that in 15 years time you will have to change it. The moment you have kids, as soon as you get married/divorced. When your parents kick the bucket. All reasons to at least review your will. No problem sir, just a small charge.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:23, Reply)

ahem
lawyer in earshot...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:29, Reply)

Sue me if I'm lying.
Anyway Rachelswipe, I'm sure you would give any B3tan a discount.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:32, Reply)

i've done the odd bit
of free advice for the occasional b3tan. sort of a pro bono thing. can't get a better discount than free!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:33, Reply)

I know, I always follow your advice.
How come you are having to work lates at the moment?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:35, Reply)

just a bit busy
as everyone gets back from holiday!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:01, Reply)

Being 'pro Bono' is nothing to brag about.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:53, Reply)

Good evening your Montyship.
How's your day been?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:57, Reply)

'fucking shit' of course

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:04, Reply)

I had to go to Daventry, and survey a plantroom in a shit hotel.
Miserable driving in the rain day.

Never mind tomorrow will be better.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:07, Reply)

There's a blues song in there, I'm certain.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:11, Reply)

I headed up to Daventryyyyyyyyyy,
But got stopped, at Dunstable, boo do be doo.
etc.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:13, Reply)

*records for posterity*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:18, Reply)

unusually inaccurate for you!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:01, Reply)

Law of averages, innit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:06, Reply)

bono boner
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:03, Reply)

I would consider leaving a ridiculously small amount of money
To loads of people, so they get about 20p each. And they'd love me for it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:06, Reply)

i can do your will
i'll make it all nice and tight, barely legal style. although i am #380 an hour, i'm so good you'd happily pay it twice.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:09, Reply)

I don't really have a need for a will currently
As I own little other than musical instruments. This makes the price slightly unnecessary. Also, thats something like 16x more than I get paid for freelancing per hour.

edit: Also, how small is your laptop if the last thread was pushing the side of the screen?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:13, Reply)

but they are expensive bits of kit, no?
i do not get to keep #380 an hour. i get to see about a fiver of it, grumble whinge [utterly unjustified but meh].

erm, average size? about 13 inch screen i'd guess? it was pushing it right off!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:18, Reply)

Average size? Fnar?
They are expensive actually, or at least the drums are. Most of the rest isn't really. And no, you can't whinge really. Not justifiably at least.

Wouldn't of thought it would have been pushed off. You must be using it wrong.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:22, Reply)

well what else do you have? guitars? flutes? bassoons? violins? harps? bagpipes?
i can whinge and i do whinge, regularly. it's all relative. but right now the 2am finishes have died down, so i am not whinging too badly.

how can i be using it wrong, it's just THERE, on the SCREEEN. falling off the side of it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:28, Reply)

Guitars, bass, amps, pedals, violin
I actually, strangely, currently look forward to getting to work somewhere. I'm sure that'll die of pretty quickly.

I don't know how you can be using it wrong, but it looked fine on mine, which is the same size. Maybe I'm just doing it better than you.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:31, Reply)

you're going to need a big flat
apart from the violin, that is quite manageable.

i'm not surprised you're psyched about starting something new. have to be enthusiastic though, you'll be spending enough time there!

maybe i am just way more impatient than you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:35, Reply)

I might not move them all down
Not to start with anyway. The violin is the least played too, with the larger drums being more common.

I hopefully won't be spending nearly as much time there are you do, and would hopefully get out of the office a bit too. Saying that, I was used to weeks of long days at uni, so would be fine.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:43, Reply)

it is better
if you get paid for overtime...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:06, Reply)

Unlike in uni
Where you just get a bit tired and annoyed, and tell anyone who comes asking you to help them with something they should know how to do to piss off. Twice.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:09, Reply)

I hope your flat is well sound insulated.
Otherwise you will need some legal advice when you end up with a solicitor's letter from the people in the flat below.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:38, Reply)

I'm a very considerate neighbour actually
Which is part of the reason I go through headphones so quickly, as I keep blowing them instead of annoying others.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:47, Reply)

You need egg cartons
lots of egg cartons.

Surely your instruments must be worth leaving to someone or at least to a charity?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:48, Reply)

Screw you all
They're burning with me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:51, Reply)

VIKING FUNERAL
Bagsy lighting you with mead.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:55, Reply)

You can ball be up first
And put me inside my bass drum.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:56, Reply)

Excellent
Make sure you put this in your will.

:D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:58, Reply)

I'm sure the yong lady who lives below me thinks she is a considerate neighbour.
But when she is having an orgasm, it sounds like a Valkierie.

I'm not complaining mind, I have been known to put a bit of Wagner on to accompany her.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:51, Reply)

I'll bet you have a 'Wagner on' every time.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:57, Reply)

I may touch myself while the show is on.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:00, Reply)

I plan to spend it all and enjoy it before dying.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:26, Reply)

Difficult to ensure that you trail off to zero, the same time as your bank account does.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:27, Reply)

Easy, just spend what's left in your account
on a shedload of massive drugs and take them all at once!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:41, Reply)

Always the risk that some do gooder will save your life.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:44, Reply)

this makes me feel better about having an overdraft

(Mr Big Stuff, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:42, Reply)

Ah, the old, spend more than I have before I pop my clogs, strategy.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:45, Reply)

I've had an overdraft for the last 10 years
I don't spend much and I have my basics covered for the forseeable future, but there's nothing coming in. Fuck it, I don't have massive debts. If I do sort myself out and get a life or whatever it'll take 3 months to pay my debts back and then I'll be a happy man or whatever. I dunno. I'm going through a transient period at the moment, and there are things I have to put up with to maintain my low-maintenance lifestyle, but it's alright. Biggest problem is feeling guilty about being lazy, as you might have noticed..
(Mr Big Stuff, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:51, Reply)

Erm,.... Well done.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:54, Reply)

It's your life, do what you want with it.
Personally, I'm not willing to climb the social ladder if it means having a millstone of debt and misery for the rest of my days.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:55, Reply)

Good advice there.
I'll just add don't have a millstone round your neck, while jumping off a 30ft cliff.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:59, Reply)

You are Dr.Alban AICMFP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:00, Reply)

Is this another UK garage joke
Monty?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:07, Reply)

Worse than that:
much, much worse. Bad 90s 'Eurodance'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:09, Reply)

I thought you had good taste
:(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:11, Reply)

My taste is impeccable, James.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:19, Reply)

Eurodance says no
Montague.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:25, Reply)

The fact that I know
such an abysmal record does not mean I approve of it, young Jiminy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:30, Reply)

Europop
is cool www.youtube.com/watch?v=wocU4tBiTBo
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:32, Reply)

I see I've made a terrible mistake.
So it is.

(c)Sarkmark is a registered trademark.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:38, Reply)

spend all you have, including racking up as much debt as possible, as fast as possible but leave yourself £500
then get a flight to Rio and head out deep inside the Brazilian jungle. Paint yourself blue and live up a tree. That's the way to go out.
(Mr Big Stuff, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:47, Reply)

I once led 5 people to jump off a 30 foot cliff into the sea
with no prior knowledge of what it would be like, only that I'd done it once the previous day with some gipsies. Everyone survived, thankfully. I was 17, and now I shiver to think how irresponsible that was. Other than that I'm pretty free of "undertakings" - I'm the laziest man in the world and haven't done much to speak of for a long time and I think I like it that way.
(Mr Big Stuff, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:30, Reply)

You are the Pied Piper, AICMFP

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:33, Reply)

Lovin' it like thaaaat.
THIS IS A 'UK GARAGE' JOKE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 22:54, Reply)

Do you really like it?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:06, Reply)

Exactement, Monsieur Japp.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:08, Reply)

If I could be bothered to move
I would go near my speakers and put this on. Loud.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:09, Reply)

If you can be arsed to do that,
you should return to the source:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOOcUBwqFxI&feature=related
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:13, Reply)

Well, that's that in my head now
Damn.

Also, in return: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw8sNoodIDk
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:18, Reply)

That is WAY better than than the original.
I love that 60s organ, and the vocal is impassioned.

It reminds me of:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAKRFZQIkeA
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:32, Reply)

I hate you sometimes, Boyce
I love the way he does his own echoes, and the old man that walks in front of the camera at one point, and the awfulness of the solo. So many things to love.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:35, Reply)

The good old days, LIVE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:39, Reply)

Seems like I'm the only one up.
All the more 'Doogie Howsers' for me, then.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:54, Reply)