More importantly
THERE IS NOWHERE IN NORTH FINCHLEY THAT SELLS CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, FOR FUCK'S FUCKING SAKE.

My old ones went for a Burton when my ex threw them at my head because I wouldn't let her go through my phone looking for imaginary girlfriends.

How can I wow my guest this evening with THE WRONG WINE GLASSES? EH?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:35, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Have you tried Morrisons?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Or the pound shop?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Have you tried auto-asphyxiation?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)

That's death by driving a car over somebody's lungs, yeah?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)

you shouldn't really be drinking champagne out of a flute
*cracks joke about oboes*

seriously though, you want something wide and flat for champers.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

The flute and the oboe
are nice instruments, as is the clarinet. But what makes someone wake up in the morning and think "By fuck, I'd like to learn the bassoon!"
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Its name.
Say it out loud in a deep voice, putting extra emphasis on the "-oon" syllable. It's a terrific word.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)

that is the only reason for deciding to learn one
just like the only reason to learn the tuba is so you can follow fat people down the street playing it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)

It's also taller than me, I think
Or at least my friend's looked it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)

The Sousaphone, on the other hand
is a quality instrument. I saw a jazz band busking in the street in Orleans last week, and the bass line was being played by a Sousaphonist. Excellent.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Best instrument ever is the valve trombone
Full stop. Though Duke Ellington may have influenced me to make this decision
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

AND it sounds like 'baboon'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

it sounds I smell
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Though you may get people asking
if it's Shatner's Bassoon.

Which may be funnier if done a la Blessed, in fact.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Alright, Bri?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Fair to hellish, Boycie pal.
Have been working too hard to make much of an impact here lately.

Let's hope that's only temporary insanity on the part of this bit of the universe ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)

I drank cider from a high heeled shoe before
Sexy
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)

That is so 1970's
It stays fizzy longer if you use a flute.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Innit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)

why would you want it to?
I think they are a victorian thing, rather than 70s
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Last used in the 70's

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:54, Reply)

depends on preference
I generally find champagne to be a bit shit anyway, and prefer it with less bubbles
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Well carry on then.
In truth, the last bottle of champers I drank, didn't even go into a glass.
Solo drinking is not dignified.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:58, Reply)

if you put two or three straws together
they become long enough to be able to strawpedo a large bottle such as champagne comes in
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)

If you drink it at the rate I do
you wouldn't notice it losing its fizz...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:54, Reply)

You spoilt your ex with a champagne flute lifestyle.
Can you not go and buy six-quids worth of petrol and get some free ones? Or am I still living in the 1980's?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Yes
Now you have to buy twelve crystal glasses to get a litre of unleaded.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Whoever is was who came up with the idea that giving away
a chunky-tumbler with a bit of petrol is a genuis.

It's just what you need when you've been out for a drive. A glass.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I got a power screwdriver from petrol coupons in the 1990s.
I worked out it cost me £1200's worth of petrol for a cheap Skil screwdriver whose batteries gave out after a year or so.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)

But, you'll always have the memories.
Like the time you accidently used stainless machine screws with resilient washers instead of galv. self tappers to put up those shelves.

We'll not see the likes of those days again.
(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Yes
but at least they were stolen from work!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Simple
Go to another part of London and buy some.
Your other two choices, are if you're desperate and insist on flutes but can't find decent ones, go to tescos and buy some. Or serve her champagne but as a cocktail in a different glass

Here's some suggestions: www.thefiftybest.com/wine/best_champagne_cocktails/
From personal experience I can recommend Schussboomer's Delight, Champagne Julep (fine in a tall glass) and a mixture of port, champagne and lemon
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

my mate and I came up with a cocktail
similar to a jaegerbomb, but with champage instead of red bull.

we call it the Paynemeister (or Painmeister if you prefer)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Oh my god that sounds amazing

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)

they'd run out of champage at the wedding by the time we thought of it
but I can iamgine the amazing taste, and how badly it would fuck you up
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Jager fucks you up.
Champers fucks me up.

Last time I had jager I was in a home made yurt, with a passed out scientist in my lap, and it was warm.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I had it at a wedding on saturday
along with plenty of champers, beer, wine and vodka, and spliffs and cigars

cracking
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Champagne
gives you a nice rapid feeling of pissed-ness though. I've been seriously legless on champagne a couple of times, and it was quite entertaining.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)

I've seen someone get drunk
on two glasses of champage. It was quite funny
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)

At a posh barbeque once
I was sitting with some mates and had four glasses in a shortish time period, but felt OK. I then got up uttering the words "I'll just see how the barbeque's getting on", and promptly fell on my arse.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO TRY THIS DRINK, 'SLUGGER'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I'll stick to the Long Island Ice Tea then.
And maybe that gin and jager concoction I had at the Dirty Martini.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)

WATER AND DRY BREAD FOR YOU

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)

DON'T MAKE ME PUNCH YOU AGAIN

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

that sounds horrible
and well worth a try.

Monty, there are lots of nice champagne cocktails, and you don't have to serve them in a standard champagne flute
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I must try this
I've got a mate's wedding coming up, perfect opportunity!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)

DO NOT DO THIS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)

What choice are you going to take Monty?
Which box behind which door?

Argument in favour of cocktails: unless you are well and truly in there and have some serious plans, cocktails are a better option than full on champagne
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Cocktail upon arrival to start (champagne & raspberry puree)
Straight champagne with starter
Sancerre with main
****opted out of dessert wine option****
Coffee, cognac
DOOGIE HOWSERS
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Sounds nice
good choice of cocktail there
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

are you intending to roger her?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I do hope so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

good lad

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

And why on earth not?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)

People may die.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Get her twatted on Carling and speed bombs.
A good night's frivolity always ensues.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Ponce

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)

perfumed ponce

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)

open the door wearing nothing but a scarf and a smile

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Me, tonight:

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

that's not a scarf

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)