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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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HR Law.
Is it legal to have a policy that states that employees are to communicate only in English whilst in the workplace? It has just been suggested by my employer that this is the case; so in support of the Polish employees in the warehouse, myself and the chap in the next office are now speaking in French and Spanish.

Alt Q - Should there be?

Gracias.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:28, 194 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
He just sounds like
a good, old-fashioned racist to me, bud.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:28, Reply)
He is a racist oik.
He just sent the directive to heads of department at 6 different locations, the knobhead.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:35, Reply)
He'll be paranoid
that they're slagging him off behind his back. Which, if they weren't before, they certainly are now.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:41, Reply)
No idea.
Alt Q: Don't care.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:29, Reply)
I would have thought it was reasonable
to expect someone to be able to communicate in the common language of the workplace.

I see nothing wrong with people speaking their own language to each other, as long as they are also reasonably coherent in English. If you mean that they can't speak English at all, that's a different story
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:30, Reply)
Agreed.
This idiot is saying that ONLY English is allowed on company time which is certainly a different kettle of poissons. Everyone that works here has to be able to communicate in English (which proves very difficult for the locals, innit.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:39, Reply)
I agree with you
If the language of the company is English, then all the work should be done in English. Now, if they're having a coffee during a break, let them talk what they want.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)
que?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:30, Reply)
Je n'est pas de anglais

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:32, Reply)
Sheep burning bastard.
And if you see Thierry Henry tell him he is a cheating shite.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:42, Reply)
"Je n'est pas de anglais"?
"Je n'est pas de anglais"?
Conjugate the verb properly, man!
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)
Romans go home.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:15, Reply)
Romanes eunt domus

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:17, Reply)
"People called Romans they go to the house??"

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)
Roota!
Howsyerhole?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Soopa doopa ta!
Dead busy like.
Can't really be here much because I'm busy and also new PC is VISIBLE!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)
Bloody work eh?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:33, Reply)
Yer hole is busy? At work?
Colour me impressed.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:58, Reply)
je n'est pas parlez the francais

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:23, Reply)
Je ne parle pas anglais?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)
Would be one correct possibility
I'm still trying to work out whether he was trying to say "I don't speak English", "I have no English" or "I'm not English."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:36, Reply)
Je N'est Parles le saucisses

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:54, Reply)
You don't speak Scottish?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:58, Reply)
Clog Windmill Dyke

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:33, Reply)
We have a policy of that too
But that's because we have French, English, Spanish, Polish, Italian, German, Swedish, Danish, Dutch and at least one Portugese person working here, so the official company language is English so that we can all understand each other
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:38, Reply)
But is communication in another language not allowed?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:40, Reply)
Not actively prohibited, just encouraged

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:42, Reply)
NHS has that policy, so it's almost certainly legal.
They do it to minimise clinical risk and insure patient confidentiallity etc etc.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:43, Reply)
True
But they do also welcome other languages, when I worked for the NHS I was always getting spammed with emails saying "Ward X needs someone who can speak Urdu/Cantonese/Esperanto/Geordie".
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:46, Reply)
Patients hardly count haha

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:48, Reply)
My sister works in Tenerife at a hotel and she is the only native English speaker there.
They asked her to speak to some Scottish folk who were staying as they couldn't understand them.

Neither could she.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:48, Reply)
Hahaha
That'll teach the Scottish to talk properly.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)
Screw you all

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:01, Reply)
No speako escosse.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:03, Reply)
No speako ignoramus

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:04, Reply)
Oh, don't put me on ignore.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)
Don't put me on ANGRY!

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)
*soothingly pats POD on head*
There there POD I know the scots have a lot to offer.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:08, Reply)
Awa an no haver shite ye muckle hoors!

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:11, Reply)
I got that OK.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:12, Reply)
Exactly
It's not difficult.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:13, Reply)
We didn't go tramping around the world in the past, enforcing our language on everyone so that they could come over here and speak their native tongue.
It's the thin edge of the wedge.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:45, Reply)
That was the Romans
they did a good job with it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)
Our empire was bigger.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:56, Reply)
And considerably
shorter lived.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:58, Reply)
We had more people and a larger slice of the world.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)
...and God on our side.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)
A white God, as played by Robert Powell.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)
To suggest anything else is heresy.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:12, Reply)
No. This is Hear'say

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)
But much, much better.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)
Perhaps he should learn a little Polish.
jesteœmy na ogniu (po¿ar) was angielski b³azen


And for Aberracion:
Estamos ardiendo usted payaso inglés
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Yes, there fucking should.
I don't like it when I go into a shop and the staff yabber away at each other in front of me in their Bongo-bongo-ese: I think it's ill-mannered and disrespectful to me, their master and genetic superior.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)
There speaks the voice of reason.
How do Monty?

Run out of medication?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:10, Reply)
It's just so moreish.
I start off with a cheeky couple o' pills - but before I know it, there I am again, naked from the waist down, wanking into the cauliflowers in Waitrose.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:17, Reply)
Those fluffy-leafed bitches love it.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)
Monty,
Morrisons aren't known for their superior staff
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:18, Reply)
24 hour tesco local village supermarket 2006
Absolutely smashed tried bowling water melons down the aisle. Then once we were kicked out we stole the delivery of newspapers for the next day and wheeled them off in trollies. DRUGS ARE BAD.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:25, Reply)
I am only dimly aware of Morrisons.
I don't like their corporate colourscheme so I would never frequent their establishments. Yes, I am that stupid.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)
I was just insulting you
by saying that was your regular shop
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)
Hey, Morrison's my local shop
that, and the pound shop.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:36, Reply)
Shh
don't let Monty hear that. It's not an insult to anyone else, just to him
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:37, Reply)
Speaking of which, I should probably go and do a bit of light shopping.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)
Short of lights, are you?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
I might convert some of those cheap champagne flutes into makeshift lampshades

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)
B&Q is good for that
They sell cheap light bulbs.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
I found some in my bedside drawer.
SCORE
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Result
Not shopping is one of my favourite pastimes.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)
I don't actually need lightbulbs
I need some housemate fuel- aka diet coke. It's practically all she drinks.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
And she is unable to buy it for herself because...?

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)
Because I owe her.
Also, I've promised for her next birthday I'll buy her her weight in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)
So if she weighs about 50kg
you're looking at 50l of diet Coke. On a 2x2l for £2.50 deal, that's not much more than £30. Quite a bargain. Unless she's grossly obese.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)
If you think your pound shop's good, you should check out Elephant and Castle
Last time I frequented the area, the 99p shop was about to receive stiff competition when, on the other side of the complex, I saw a sign that read "Coming soon: 98p shop." No, really.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)
Oh, 99p st res?
I do love that place. That's what the one near me is. It's also where I got my garish lizard. My sister stayed in my room over a weekend, she hated it so much.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
Elephant & Castle is known as 'the 99p area'
Cancer Joy once had me in fits telling of the 99/98p price wars in Glasgow, and posting some of their nonsensical shelf-edge advertising cards.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)
I HEARD THAT.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
You have successfully insulted me.
I hope you're happy now.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)
Absolutely
I also advise you to buy yourself a suit from the market
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
I may get some counterfeit track-wear whilst I am about it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)
You're finding your feet
in this strange new world. Don't forget the gold chains for a paaaund
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
'Goldique', hopefully

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)
We got people from loads of languages at ours, and get lots of customers with very little grasp of english, eaither due to being forin or mental.
I can generally get the jyst of the conversation by their manorisims and tone, and I've picked up a few words.

I don't mind if they speak a differnet language, and it's handy being able to get customers native-speaking drivers, but it's annoying when customers presume I speak every language and know every location they're at.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)
jyst!
I love you gonz
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:12, Reply)
LET'S ELOPE !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)
Actually you can all do one
cause I have to learn Welsh on my degree
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:17, Reply)
Dwyn hoffi chrwbanod!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:21, Reply)
See fah luto eetheen, ee yaba ma dukey massa.
Eeth wong che coh pa na-geen, nah meeto toe bunky dunko. Lo choda!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:23, Reply)
Koona t'chuta, Solo?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)
*highfives*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:27, Reply)
Wot no Klingon?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:29, Reply)
Pfft
I'm a geek, not a nerd!
*snorts*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)
Aw shit.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)
It's star wars isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:32, Reply)
Yes. Hutt to be precise.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)
*holds ritual burning of Simpsons tie in protest*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)
*forgets to take it off first*

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
"lol"
*seriously panics when remembers is using it as 'Rambo' style headband*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
Q'apla!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)

raja naba doa gola wookie nipple pinchy
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 0:48, Reply)
I can help.
'Car parc' is 'car park', 'Wrecsam' is 'Wrexham' and if anyone thinks this was a waste of taxpayers money they are so very wrong.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:21, Reply)
All I know is ARAF means slow

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:22, Reply)
...and 'Welsh'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:25, Reply)
have I got that wrong already. I'm screwed

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)
I was using it to describe them.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)
thank god!
although there is some irony here.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)
No, he is being rude about welsh thickies.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)
supermarket is Archfarchnad

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
Gaelic road signs are even worse
Dingwall, just north of Inverness, is signposted as Inbhir Pheofharain. But virtually no bugger there speaks Gaelic, and those who do are quite familiar with the name Dingwall.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)
same in Ireland
big fuss when they tried to change the name of Dingle back to the original Irish.

Apparantly especially in Wales, half the old place names have been forgotten so they've been given madeup Welsh names just to have something to put on the signpost
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:32, Reply)
I'm now singing a HMHB song in my head
Bottleneck at Capel Curig
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)
WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE THOSE CUNTS?
They were the 80s equivalent of the Barron fucking Knights.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)
Nonsense
They're still on the go, for one thing. And they write songs which are both funny and musical (admittedly not all the time)
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:48, Reply)
Grid Gwartheg

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)
Oh, you're back
Hello.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:32, Reply)
hiya
Only here for a couple of mins.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)
This new job business is no use
We miss your detective skills!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
Sorry :(
I'm only good at weeding out fantasist mentals. General trollery is not my field anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)
But we might never know when fantasist mentals infiltrate
without your sniffer-dog skills.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)
'ello Rootz!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)
Alright son!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)
hello Roota :)
have a nice trip?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)
trip?
I'm just busy because I have a new job.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)
I thought someone said you were away
shows how bright I am!

How's the job?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)
Oh my goodness
My snoopery tells me there's a rumour going round that I'm in dj's mother country, but I'm not.
I'm here in the 'Pool being very busy with my new job. I likes it. It's not more money but it's good and keeps me busy.
How's you?
EDIT GTG BYEEE
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)
Well there's lovely.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:27, Reply)
who'se coats that jacket?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)
Whose boots is they shoes?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)
whose puppies is you fucking?
Wait... I haven't got the hang of this have I?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)
You're closer than you think TGB.
See they two houses there? Mine is the one in the middle
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)
whose cup is this mug?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)
My old boss used to say
"And the postman knocked me up about 8 in the morning everyday"
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
More importantly
THERE IS NOWHERE IN NORTH FINCHLEY THAT SELLS CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, FOR FUCK'S FUCKING SAKE.

My old ones went for a Burton when my ex threw them at my head because I wouldn't let her go through my phone looking for imaginary girlfriends.

How can I wow my guest this evening with THE WRONG WINE GLASSES? EH?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)
Have you tried Morrisons?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)
Or the pound shop?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
Have you tried auto-asphyxiation?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)
That's death by driving a car over somebody's lungs, yeah?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)
you shouldn't really be drinking champagne out of a flute
*cracks joke about oboes*

seriously though, you want something wide and flat for champers.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
The flute and the oboe
are nice instruments, as is the clarinet. But what makes someone wake up in the morning and think "By fuck, I'd like to learn the bassoon!"
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)
Its name.
Say it out loud in a deep voice, putting extra emphasis on the "-oon" syllable. It's a terrific word.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)
that is the only reason for deciding to learn one
just like the only reason to learn the tuba is so you can follow fat people down the street playing it
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)
It's also taller than me, I think
Or at least my friend's looked it.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)
The Sousaphone, on the other hand
is a quality instrument. I saw a jazz band busking in the street in Orleans last week, and the bass line was being played by a Sousaphonist. Excellent.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
Best instrument ever is the valve trombone
Full stop. Though Duke Ellington may have influenced me to make this decision
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)
AND it sounds like 'baboon'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

it sounds I smell
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)
Though you may get people asking
if it's Shatner's Bassoon.

Which may be funnier if done a la Blessed, in fact.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)
Alright, Bri?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)
Fair to hellish, Boycie pal.
Have been working too hard to make much of an impact here lately.

Let's hope that's only temporary insanity on the part of this bit of the universe ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)
I drank cider from a high heeled shoe before
Sexy
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)
That is so 1970's
It stays fizzy longer if you use a flute.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)
Innit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)
why would you want it to?
I think they are a victorian thing, rather than 70s
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Last used in the 70's

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:54, Reply)
depends on preference
I generally find champagne to be a bit shit anyway, and prefer it with less bubbles
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)
Well carry on then.
In truth, the last bottle of champers I drank, didn't even go into a glass.
Solo drinking is not dignified.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:58, Reply)
if you put two or three straws together
they become long enough to be able to strawpedo a large bottle such as champagne comes in
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)
If you drink it at the rate I do
you wouldn't notice it losing its fizz...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:54, Reply)
You spoilt your ex with a champagne flute lifestyle.
Can you not go and buy six-quids worth of petrol and get some free ones? Or am I still living in the 1980's?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
Yes
Now you have to buy twelve crystal glasses to get a litre of unleaded.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Whoever is was who came up with the idea that giving away
a chunky-tumbler with a bit of petrol is a genuis.

It's just what you need when you've been out for a drive. A glass.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
I got a power screwdriver from petrol coupons in the 1990s.
I worked out it cost me £1200's worth of petrol for a cheap Skil screwdriver whose batteries gave out after a year or so.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)
But, you'll always have the memories.
Like the time you accidently used stainless machine screws with resilient washers instead of galv. self tappers to put up those shelves.

We'll not see the likes of those days again.
(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)
Yes
but at least they were stolen from work!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)
Simple
Go to another part of London and buy some.
Your other two choices, are if you're desperate and insist on flutes but can't find decent ones, go to tescos and buy some. Or serve her champagne but as a cocktail in a different glass

Here's some suggestions: www.thefiftybest.com/wine/best_champagne_cocktails/
From personal experience I can recommend Schussboomer's Delight, Champagne Julep (fine in a tall glass) and a mixture of port, champagne and lemon
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
my mate and I came up with a cocktail
similar to a jaegerbomb, but with champage instead of red bull.

we call it the Paynemeister (or Painmeister if you prefer)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
Oh my god that sounds amazing

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)
they'd run out of champage at the wedding by the time we thought of it
but I can iamgine the amazing taste, and how badly it would fuck you up
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)
Jager fucks you up.
Champers fucks me up.

Last time I had jager I was in a home made yurt, with a passed out scientist in my lap, and it was warm.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)
I had it at a wedding on saturday
along with plenty of champers, beer, wine and vodka, and spliffs and cigars

cracking
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Champagne
gives you a nice rapid feeling of pissed-ness though. I've been seriously legless on champagne a couple of times, and it was quite entertaining.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
I've seen someone get drunk
on two glasses of champage. It was quite funny
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
At a posh barbeque once
I was sitting with some mates and had four glasses in a shortish time period, but felt OK. I then got up uttering the words "I'll just see how the barbeque's getting on", and promptly fell on my arse.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)
YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO TRY THIS DRINK, 'SLUGGER'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)
I'll stick to the Long Island Ice Tea then.
And maybe that gin and jager concoction I had at the Dirty Martini.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)
WATER AND DRY BREAD FOR YOU

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
DON'T MAKE ME PUNCH YOU AGAIN

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)
that sounds horrible
and well worth a try.

Monty, there are lots of nice champagne cocktails, and you don't have to serve them in a standard champagne flute
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)
I must try this
I've got a mate's wedding coming up, perfect opportunity!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)
DO NOT DO THIS.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)
What choice are you going to take Monty?
Which box behind which door?

Argument in favour of cocktails: unless you are well and truly in there and have some serious plans, cocktails are a better option than full on champagne
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Cocktail upon arrival to start (champagne & raspberry puree)
Straight champagne with starter
Sancerre with main
****opted out of dessert wine option****
Coffee, cognac
DOOGIE HOWSERS
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)
Sounds nice
good choice of cocktail there
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)
are you intending to roger her?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)
I do hope so.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)
good lad

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)
And why on earth not?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)
People may die.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
Get her twatted on Carling and speed bombs.
A good night's frivolity always ensues.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)
Ponce

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
perfumed ponce

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
open the door wearing nothing but a scarf and a smile

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Me, tonight:

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)
that's not a scarf

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

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