Right I'm about to take confessional
What would you like to confess?

Alt Q: how should you be punished for your sins?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:53, 93 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Bless me Father for I have sinned.
I've wasted the whole day, moping about the house with a hangover.

Alt Q: With more beer.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Always preferred red wine myself. With a bit of bread.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 20 ish years since my last confession.
In that time I have:

lied
cheated
stolen
fought
consumed alcohol
consumed drugs
vandalised property
Punched a cow
been expelled from school
committed adultery
intenionally killed several spiders
masturbated at my desk, at work.
contributed to the downfall and eventual dismissal of a colleague just because I didn't like him.
Committed arson.

Alt Q: a slap on the wrist, given a curly wurly and told to go home and try harder.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

You cunt.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

Have you ever masturbated at your desk whilst killing a spider and punching a cow? Or were these purely separate incidents?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)

Purely seperate your holiness.
Unless there was a spider on the cow and it was hurt in the process.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

ok. You can have the curly wurly but you can't go home early.
This punishment is for your own good you understand.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

it's ok only got 4 minutes left anyway!
In your face Jesus!!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

*smites*

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

you punched a cow?
how was it?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

17 year old BobbyChomp put everything into a punch
the cow went moooooooooooooooooooo and walked off slowly. I am a fag.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

interesting
I've always wondered what it'd be like to punch livestock.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

long and hard three times a night please

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

what time would you like me to pop(e) round m'dear?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)

i have sinned quite a lot
better set aside most of your evening and the following morning.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)

It just looks like he/you
Have spotted some kids.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

blimey
now i am frothing at the gash
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

It's the bling isn't it?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Well when run as wealthy a business as i do...

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Elizabeth Duke
Is due a Saint-hood* then, yes?

*I've no idea what the correct term is.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

She's due canonisation maybe?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Here she is! What a smokin' babe

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4396553&fbid=426460803912&op=1&o=all&view=all&subj=149119046318&aid=-1&oid=149119046318&id=509488912
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Vaticanlol

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I'll get a medium missile out the back
room and find a can of coke to measure it with.

:D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

I slept with my ex boss' husband a few years ago, they were seperated technically
and are back together now
and she's tried to add me on facebook and I denied it
and she sent me a message saying she misses me but I didn't reply, my friend told me not to reply, I told her I didn't want to be rude lolololol

how should I be punished
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

also, does anyone else think
this looks like a vagina?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)

yup definitely.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I'm seeing them everywhere today!

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I could do with a day like that!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Hang around the Memorial Stadium.
Done.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Pfffffft one thing that is fact is that Rovers have nicer fans that City!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

How on earth did you arrive at that conclusion?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

South Bristol = cunts

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

BobbyChomp = Lord and Master of The World Of Cunts From Around His Way.
Seriously though - why are you down on the South of Brizzle?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I'm not really.
Since being at Clifton College it was beaten into you that Bedminster and surround was Chav central. Once expelled and experiencing those areas they are ace. I think the worst part of Bristol I have experienced is Sea Mills.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Sea Mills is a shit hole.
How did you manage to get expelled?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I refer you to be the above list.
Arson
Drugs
Alcohol
Fighting
Vandalism

I was a massive tosser teenager.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

And now you're an Arsenal supporter.
You've not been dealt the best hand there have you?

(What did you set fire to?)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Arsenal fan first mate, I started badly.
My dorm room, we used a portable clothes rail as a flame thrower and made a bin bomb too. We were surprised when the curtains and beds caught fire. I was also a stupid teenager.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Brilliant.
Is it guilt that is pushing you into teaching as a career?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

that could be a very real possibility.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Can't help but wonder if you'd have been better off setting fire to someone elses' room, rather than your own.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Like I said, stupid

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

And yet you think people South of the river are fools!
CASE. WON. AND RESTED.

:-)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I'm from Limerick!
In your face.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

That's not a limerick.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

it's a bit disturbing when you look at a giraffe and think vagina

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

not if said giraffe
has a huge vagina on it's stomach/chest? I think that's a fair shout.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Giraffes are ace though. They might look a bit gawky but they're tough as nails
After being pregnant for about 13 months,they don't even lay down to give birth. Consequently every one of them begins life by falling about five feet onto the hard ground, but you don't see them needing primal therapy to come to terms with their birth trauma.
And they only sleep for a couple of hours a day.
(Cave Duck, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Giraffes are fucking awesome.
I want this one
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Tastes like one too

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

This also looks like a gynee
Totally does
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

is that you?
look on your face is priceless.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Yeah that's me
Pulling my "I'm about to eat a midget's gynee" face.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I won't look at mussells in the same way again now.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I love them
moules mariniere is like my favourite dish, you do have to overlook the fact that they look like vaginas though.

Sometimes when you prize open the shell it looks like a big gaping vagina. Not pleasant
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

You can never NOT see them as vaginas

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I find it best to not look
just eat them fast.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Oh...
So I was going wrong by working the clit?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Oi oi
late start? I won't be having midget vag for a while now. I'm even thinking about not having smoked haddock for dinner now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I've been out walking along a river
part of my job dontcha know
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

lucky man! any paedos/flashers/rapers?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Doubt it - we are all in Edinburgh today as part of our 4 day tour.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

only the ones I was with

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Hope it was on the banks and not the surface otherwise the Cardinals may just make you disappear.
Could put them out of a job.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

it was on the banks
I'm not built for walking on water.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR EAR!

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

If you're nice
I'll let you put your finger in...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I use that line with the altar boys

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

that's what they all say, then when you try it they freak out

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I encourage it
Please, I NEED it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

you are perverse
also, weather and surf are looking a little shitty on sunday unfortunately.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Dang nabbit

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Your face is saying "I don't like this. It tastes like wolf pussy."

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

yes it does, but it's a bit too furry for my liking.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

You don't need to be - have another go on her.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

eurgh
:(
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I'd like to confess
that I don't mind the Pope visiting Britain. Also I'll confess to being a cunt about Terry Pratchett

Alt Q: five Hail Mary's and four Hello Dolly's
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

I'm quite enjoying it over here to be honest. Not looking forward to Birmingham on Sunday though.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

No-one looks forward to Birmingham

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Bit concerned someone might nick the alloys off my popemobile.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

It's so nice to have you back where you belong.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Oh shit I've caught the gay.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Friend of Darthary.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Holy Father.
I mus confess I have zero faith in the existence of any kind of God - never mind the spooky nonsense that our lot spout. Where does the holy catholic church stand on atheism in the 21st century?
Alt Q - Lunch/weekend?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Atheism is a sin. But compared to how much wanking you do I wouldn't worry about it.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

So which is the biggest sin?
Contraception, wanking, buggery or sex outside of marriage?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

I'm quite partial to all of them.
Honestly - don't worry about it - go and have a pint instead.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

God is gay
Gravy is king.
(TheColonel, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

If only Monty was around to award you a POTD credit.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)