Right my geeky friends.
My boss is trying to get me to get another computer just for internet use which would mean I couldn't faff about on here all day as it would be placed near the window in my office where he can see me. Because I have the business software, (sage), on the same computer as the internet he is adamant that some hacker can get into it and steal all our details and money etc. We have a password to get into the sage software and Kaspersky security but I need an arguement to put to him that he's worrying about nothing.

Help.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:55, 89 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I know nothing
but maybe compartmentalise your harddrive so half of it has internet access and the other doesn't. Is that possible?

Just take a leaf out of Zoolander's book
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Not really possible
If a hacker were to get access to your computer (and by that I mean install stuff on there, which is how they operate) then they would have access to anything on the whole system.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)

What?
Create a 'new look' at such short notice? Are you mad?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Sage databases can only be viewed using Sage
Which costs a lot and is a hassle. No hacker's going to be bothered stealing your database, even if they could get through your security software.

Plus, having your accounting software on a closed network will be a massive ballache if you want to email reports.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I don't email reports or anything like that.
I just need to convince him all the wages and banking details are safe.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Hackers mostly operate
By either putting nasty code into websites that force your pc to download things that give them access. Decent virus protection and anti-spyware software will stop this.
The other method is by hacking wireless routers, which you can stop by using WPA encryption (the vast majority of modern routers use this as standard) with a decent password.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Tell him a simpler way of solving it is to web browse through a "virtual machine"
this will mean any virus is kept in it's own little world thinking it's fucking up a pc that doesn't exist.
Then when you close the VM it deletes everything so all viruses disapear.
Problem is it's a bit slow and you can't save passwords cookies bookmarks etc etc. Everytime you turn it on it's like using a computer for the first time.
That's the safest way I know of browsing.

Another argument is that if the computers are networked or even share a printer then it's not any real protection.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Thanks psychochomp, you're helpful, informative and sexy.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I don't understand any of the first paragraph.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Basically running windows twice
once for normal stuff that you currently run, and then you click a button on your desktop and you get a new version of windows in a box, those two versions don't interact and the version of windows in the box doesn't save anything when you close it. That version of windows in the box is called a virtual machine and any viruses/key loggers/porn site history will disapear as soon as you close it down.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

wiki page
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_machine
(PsychoChomp, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Oh! I see.
Thank you.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

^This

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Copy the following, print and staple it to his forehead.
YOU FUCKING STUPID COCK-JOCKEY.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Oh God I wish I could.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Double-Daresies you do it.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:22, Reply)

It's best if you print it out backwards
so he can read it when he looks in the mirror.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)

This is the reason why I want a rubber stamp with "TAWT" written on it.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Actually - the paper will be in front of his eyes so he won't see it.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

slap him and say NO! in your crossest voice.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Ask him how he would go about hacking into sage via the browser.
I find that's the best way to stop computer scardycats, ask them how it's possible.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)

He's absolutley no idea about computers.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Plus I've only just managed to convince him to do internet banking.
I had to get the bank manager to convince him it's all ok.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I have no idea what you said up there
So I shall respond with my standard point of views

TITS
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Shirt potatoes

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

That is most likely
the least sexy terms I've ever heard applied to breasts. Good work mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

'Top-Bollocks' is much worse.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)

It flows quite nicely though
and frankly, breasts should be flattered to be granted such a lofty comparison as bollocks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Only if they are wrinkled and hairy.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Try as I might,
I cannot think of a response to this that reflects well on me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

There are times in a man's life where he faces a tough decision..
..such as to post or not to post.
Say nothing, keep walking.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:57, Reply)

I shall just tell him my geeky computer friends said there's nothing to worry about.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

tell him we tried hacking in and we couldn't

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Tell him he should be more worried about his personal computer
And that I renewed his subscription to 'BBW anal sluts' for him.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Haa

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)

cry
and/or get your tits out. never fails. although my boss did tell me that my breasts "intimidate the trainee" the other evening.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Was the trainee...
a timid man or a less well-endowed woman?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

the former
he literally looks about 12, bless him.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Hardly the best arbiter of breast quality
We need an independent adjudicator

*steps forward*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I thought BGB's boss was her stepdad?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

it's todmorden
he's probably also her brother and her cousin.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)

i can say this
because some of my family live there too.

we're not that close though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

it's called threat of legal action

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)

My family isn't from Todmorden.
Thank God.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:33, Reply)

christ
wish i could say the same
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:43, Reply)

He is.
Ewwwwww!
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Oh come on.
He isn't a blood relative - whip 'em out.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Well, if you will slap him about the face with them...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

he pays extra for that

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I never really understood the whole
'breasts are distracting' thing until my tutor wore a very low-cut top
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:24, Reply)

A friend of mine recently wore a very revealing top
It took all my gentlemanly willpower to avoid staring.
They looked AMAZING.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I didn't know where to look
I should have made it a competition :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)

It's a boob off!
We have a boob off!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)

This will please Monty
It's not a boob off unless David Bowie materialises and offers to adjudicate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)

It's a nork off!

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Wasn't that the game...
...where teams from all over Europe did hilarious challenges such as dress as penguins, climb on rotating discs and try to catch water whilst Stuart Hall laughed and laughed? But with their tits out?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Someone will commission this
Imagine the ratings for 'It's A Royal Nork Off'.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:45, Reply)

I bet Beatrice's would look good.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:15, Reply)

a couple of my colleagues are in the habit of doing that
as well as short skirts

It makes me feel like a right pervert when I'm sat at my desk wanking
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I know, how dare they?
But I positively encourage their behaviour.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:29, Reply)

...sorry, what was that?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Details please

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)

This is why I've never understood why women get shitty when men gawp at their tits.
They're on display. THEY'RE RIGHT THERE!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

more importantly
they're really nice to look at!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:29, Reply)

there's a difference between a quick glance
or even a little stare from 'OMG TITS! Wuh-wuh do you mean you have eyes?'

Though I fear I fell into the second category, simply because I was so unused to it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Have a more interesting friend
Then when they're chatting to them, you can gawp all you like.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:31, Reply)

solo tutorial
she must have thought I fancied her
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)

thought knew
Mind you, I saw one tutor's nipples, because she was bra-less and bent down in front of me in a low-cut top.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:33, Reply)

she was lovely
but married
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Mine was pretty
Feminist Philosophy was her speciality, but she taught me Sartre. Part of me thinks she was doing it on purpose as a test.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)

had you correctly guessed her nipple colour?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Honestly, I've never tried to do that
I will do from now on though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:38, Reply)

nor have I
and it would frustrate me not being able to find out the answer.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:40, Reply)

where do you find tutors like this?!

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Youporn.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I actually find it intimidating
and a little distracting when I'm trying to visualise their fanny in my head.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Don't you mean your head in their fanny?

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)

hahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Pffft

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:35, Reply)

I'd like to make it clear that I almost never do this.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:35, Reply)

In the words of Larry David,
"yeah, you wore a dress like that because you want people to look at your shoes"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:33, Reply)

it was a jumper
that had quite obviously just slipped down a mite too far rather than being designed like that
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Is the sage machine
connected to a server? Because if so the database in on that and whether or not your computer can connect to the internet is irrelevant.
( Kroney, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

No server.
It's just a poxy little office with two computers running seperatley.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:43, Reply)

No server
and therefore probably no security. You're boned.
( Kroney, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I have Kaspersky on it.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:11, Reply)

The chess game?
That's hardly going to help.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:14, Reply)