Was it a she or a he?
Did they just not reply at all or did they reply in the negative?

I once texted my ex-boss telling him I wanted to fuck him. I was very very pissed. Luckily he told me to shut up and go to sleep, if he'd actually come round I don't know what I would have done, I'm all mouth and no trousers so to speak.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:23, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

presumably
that was why you invited him, to bring the trousers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

haha I'm totally using that as a chat up line
come round to mine, bring the trousers.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

"can i bring anything?"
just your trousers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

with trigger fingers.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

blowjob at the least then

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I was too drunk.
I probably would have been asleep by the time he got there.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

blowjobs
should be the best, not the least!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

naa
I almost prefer going down on a girl and shagging to having blowjobs.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I definitely prefer going down on a girl to receiving a blowjob

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Same here

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Seriously?
Why?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Honestly?
Nothing strokes my ego more than giving a woman an orgasm.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

They're all secretly gay,
It's the only sensible answer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I enjoy it because it's clear she is
And as Lab puts it, her squirming under the lightest touch is a massive ego boost.

Plus it distracts them from the size of my cock
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

*high fives*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

*high fives back*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Are you two in mid spit-roast?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

It's why Kitty's responses are delayed
Just made myself a little queasy with that thought
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

quesy rigid
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

this has amused me no end

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

whaaaaaat

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

These people are insane.
Or lying.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

haha
trying to play the 'I don't really enjoy blow jobs' card to get laid
oldest trick in the book
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

It actually worked for me once, albeit I hadn't intended it to

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

'nah, just don't like it'
'they must not be doing it right, let me try'
'oh, alright'
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Oh, it was you?
Sorry about, y'know, being shit.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

pfft
I genuinely like going down on a guy
but it irritates me when they say "oh you do like giving head"
like it's a bad thing or something
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

it's much better if they are enjoying it
otherwise it is monotonous.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Agreed
If you don't like something, don't do it. If you do, go right ahead!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I enjoy both, but if I'm honest, I think a well-executed blowjob is a thing of exquisite beauty.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

^ this ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

it is
and I have had some mind-blowing ones (mostly in jacuzzis or saunas for the best ones)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Do you like the spasms of the throat as she drowns?
I'm aware you were sat on a ledge I think you've said this story before
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

:-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I've heard champagne is good to use

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Extra Strong Mints.
Edit - Plus you can kiss her after.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

haha
love that
I actually use jizz as an extra lube and keep going after they're done, last guy I did it with I just let it and the spit all fall from my mouth and onto his balls
he wasn't impressed
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

didn't find it did anything
bits of ice cube are good as long as they aren't sharp bits.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I've had some amazing ones
But also some truly terrible ones. Half-arsed, weak, or actually damaging ones.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I SAID I LOVE HAVIN' SEX BUT I'D RATHER GET SOME HEAD
I hate receiving oral sex. Genuinely hate it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Same.
Well, almost. I don't hate it, but it bores me and does fuck all.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Sorry didn't reply was having lunch with sexy women.
That's fine. There's a bus from Euston to mine, will have to be a quick turn around but it'll be fiiiine
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I DIDN'T GET
AN INVITE! Drink?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

YES YOU DID IT'S ON THE FUCKING CALENDAR
Oh, to the lunch date? It was just old school friends :P
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

No wait
You're talking about buses. What are you up to tonight?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

I'm not up to anything actually
Talking about buses is concerned with the DGBash. LAAK is staying over.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Excellent.
Ultramega can't wait!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Really?
Any particular reason why? Or do you just not like it?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Several reasons.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Fair enough
I know a girl who hates it because she thinks it's extremely unhygienic, which I do find a little understandable
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

not really a fan of it either

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

that would upset me
because I'm good at it. much better than I am at teh sex.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

well if I had a steady partner than I would probably let them have a go or whatever
but I don't, it feels extremely personal to me
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I can understand that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I understand
It's why I'm hesitant to receive.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

That's kind of it with me
That, and I don't think anything fcan ever top the saxophanist. oh my god that TONGUE
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

the best thing about a blow job is the peace and quiet

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

You utter pricktease

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

yup

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I hate girls like you, all the teasing and the leading on.
They never do it to me!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I'm going to fuck you so hard at the bash

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

See, now I know it's hollow

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

As is she

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

if you tap my stomach it makes a noise like a wood block

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Mine actually does this.
True story.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

that's because you NEED MOAR FOOD

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Echoing?
EDIT: Sorry, I thought you said log
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

No, that's her head.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

O_o

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I didn't even bat an eyelid
It's only prickteasing if there's even a hint that she'd go through with it, but I know she wouldn't, even if we both were single. She doesn't want to risk her position on the Smug Croissant any more than she already has.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I also don't want to take Lampito's title of the B3ta Bike away from her.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Yeah, THAT'S the only reason :P

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I find you physically vile

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I love your brutal honesty
But not your brutal face.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

whatevs lab whatevs

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I hope you don't die

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

You'd miss me if I did
I wouldn't leave you my car either
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Every STOBART lorry would whisper your name
"Fuckface", they would gently utter, as they drove by.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

shithead

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

oh this made me laugh and now I feel really bad!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

You should feel bad
But I did actually lol.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I don't like mohawks
but other than that, I would probably tap that ass.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

If I let you

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

ooh turned it around
well done.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Well, you're older than her
You can be B3ta's own Penny Farthing!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

a she
she hasn't responded at all
just wrote on facebook she's on cloud 9 today
but likely spent the night with her ex

just fucking shoot me please
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

maybe she knew you were drunk and wanted to spare your feelings.
lack of reciprocation does suck though. Everyone does the stupid drunken texting thing though, you'll get over the shame. If anyone asks, just claim not to remember.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

yeah, the embarrassment is managable at this stage
but I hate looking at my phone and seeing nothing

like, you don't respect me enough to even respond? even if it's to say lolol I like you too, buddy and play it off or whatever
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

people handle things different ways though.
I can never not reply to a text, but some people are really bad for not replying.

It's her loss anyway, she sucks you rule.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

too true
xxx
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

YOU HAVEN'T REPLIED TO MY TEXT!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)