After drinking loads last night I texted a friend to tell them I "like like" them.
Today I'm not only suffering from a hangover but also from massive embarrassment.
I've decided the only way to fix this is to dig a hole and live in it permanently.

What was the last embarrassing drunk text you sent?

Alt q: should all phones and computers have breathalyzers on them? I know mine should.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:16, 217 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Did the 'I like you' text
Get a reply?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

well no, otherwise I wouldn't be wanting to crawl into a hole

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Surely that's better than a reply that says
'But I don't like you'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

But no answer is WOOOORSE.
I feel a lot better once I find out what way it's gone, then it doesn't torture me any mroe.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Do you think?
I can make excuses for no reply, such as 'they must be busy/have lost their phone/need to charge the phone etc

But to be told 'What? Do you think I'd like YOU? Are you mad?' Makes things a bit more definate.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

But definite is good
I've wasted a lot of time hankering after people who haven't said "No, I don't like you" when they don't. It's emotionally draining :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

An answer one way or another is almost always better.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

You are wise.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

se zened.

Now I just need to concentrate on reminding myself of this when I am in a position to try and get one.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I haven't done that for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggges.
The last time I did it turned out she had a boyfriend.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

+ who I killed before following my usual procedure.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

No she kept referring to him as her housemate.
When i found out I went a bit off her.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

That's a bit odd, she must have been keen
to not mention the fact that she was boffing the housemate. Or a randy one.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

sounds a bit of a bitch
there are guys at work who pretend they don't have girlfriends. It's because they like to think they're players.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

or maybe they don't because they're 'gayers'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

The two I'm talking about definitely have girlfriends
because we've seen them, but when asked they just say "oh no, not really". Despite living with these women. Dicks.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Meh, I don't know what was going on with her.
women are complicated.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

some women just like having men fancy them
you can do better.

_{see how I'm still being nice to you even though you said I was dislikeable}
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I really couldn't she was pretty much perfect.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

she was obviously untrustworthy though
plus you don't want perfect, we're too hard to maintain.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

That is low but I can beat it. An ex colleague
goes to the extremes of applying fake tan and taking his wedding ring off at work or when away from his wife so he can avoid the line. He is an utter twunt.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

absolutely
how about the number of married men doing their secretaries? cliched because it's true!

or men who pull the whole male "disappearing" trick and think that the girl won't notice? just strap on a pair!

or men who go out with a girl for years and years without even committing to a holiday, then get engaged after 6 months to some 23 year old they met down the gym? why!

men are worse than women, FACT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

No chance
Women are much more calculating in their destruction of men. Men are just too ignorant to notice (or care) what harm they're doing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

nah
generally men just can't be bothered to end things in a way that preserves friendship. "i know we've been together 6 months but i'll just avoid her calls and emails and never text her back, she'll NEVER NOTICE and if she does I DON'T CARE SO LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO HER." the number of my friends this has happened to over the years is ridiculous.

she WILL notice. she might stalk you, stalk you good with texts and calls and facebook posts. or she might be graceful and let you get away with it. but either way she's just going to think you're a cunt, and not even in a "cool, i'm a total manslut" way, just in a total waste of time kind of way.

to balance it, girls are not quite as bad, but they can also be quite shit. my friend laura got caught by her fiance when she snogged someone else on national tv, for example.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

An ex of mine is having her first child (not mine) in a fortnight
and has given the baby my real first name as its middle name.

I'm really touched.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

eding myself right now
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

we all know you're the exception to every rule
you should still ask her to name it monty instead though!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

it's actually me she has named it after

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

No, the baby's not called 'Fatweazle'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:04, Reply)

better than having a middle name of
Miserable-grumpy-cunt-face-drug-addled-arse-bandit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I'm not sure I agree - that would be a great name.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:11, Reply)

yeah, I didn't think that through

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:14, Reply)

I've made an effort to stay friends with each of my exes
As there was something that attracted me to them in the first place, and I've always placed personality over looks (to an extent)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Can't speak for all men
but I am much more likely to show commitment to a 23 year old gym girl if she's not constantly dropping hints about how she'd like a show of commitment, regardless of how long I'd been going out with her. If 6 year woman had been dropping marriage hints, I'd get bored of hearing about it and either leave her or ignore them, because telling her you don't want to get married is just going to bring on the "if you really loved me" nonsense.
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

dude
why are you doing a 6 year old woman?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

They can't run as quickly

( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I'd never do that
But I AM a playa.
PROOF
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

that made me lol
well one of those single quiet lols where I just kind of went "hur"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

laugh a bit inaudibly?
or 'labia' for short.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

'By the time the police found her she'd gone off, a bit', you mean?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

At the worst
you've flattered him. Don't worry about it.

I can't remember the last time I sent a drunken text, let alone an embarrassing one.
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Text the person I was slagging off in the text rather than my mate
that was clever.

So does he "like like" you back?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

We've all done that.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Emailed my boss too once
telling him what a cunt the boss was being.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Good work.
I've done the 'reply all' thing in error a few times.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Oh look home time for the AC.
Evenin all.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

oh I've done that so much
I accidentally dumped someone by text when I wrote that I didn't fancy them anymore, intending to send it to my friend.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

It's the thought that counts eh.
They should be flattered.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

yeah he was totally flattered
he made all his friends hate me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I have never sent a drunken message that I regretted
I almost wish I had
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I've had drunken text messages
that have led to things I didn't intend, but most of those were good. I really can't think of a time I've sent a text that I regretted.
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I'll gaz you my number

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

do it
I might start sending you inappropriate texts for a laugh

thought I already had it actually, but apparently not
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I think I gazzed it to you re Mario Kart dating. I mean racing.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

that's what I thought
but I think I haven't put it in my phone
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

sick burn!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Me too. Not wish that you had, wish that I had.
It's a similar feeling when at the blood donor clinic they give you a form to declare that you haven't been to Africa; taken drugs; slept with a prostitute; slept with a man; slept with anyone who's slept with a man who's taken drugs with an African prostitute, etc.

I always think it's a sign of having a somewhat sheltered life that I can sign it without even having to stop and think.
(Cave Duck, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

that's kind of the feeling I was going for. well summed up
did you see on the QOTW that someone had said they put off going to see Ian Dury, and then he died.

I subtly mocked them. Take that!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Bah!
I didn't see it. But it could have been me. I never saw Ian Dury live. I missed a gig about thirty miles away when I was about 15. You always think there'll be other opportunities.
(Cave Duck, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

My computer should have a breathalyser - I've just come back from a 5 pint lunch
For those of you in London - the Crown & Two Chairman on Dean St is currently serving Doom Bar bitter in excellent condition. I may shall be returning for a couple more in an hour or so.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

See you in an hour!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I will gaz you my number so you can give me a shout when you get there.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Oh, really?
It's raining. Still bloody tempting mind. Sure you don't mind meeting a cyclist?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I won't talk about bikes if you don't mention 4x4's

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Maybe we can have a scrap?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I'm a lover not a fighter

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Bugger - I am off to Leighton Buzzard after work.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Shame. Is this a critical trip or can it be postponed?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

It is, rather.
A very good pal who lives in Shrewsbury is staying at my brother's this week and I've promised to go up to see him - my brother is cooking too.

Gross offence will be caused if I cancel so late on.

I am very disappointed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Doom Bar is only alright in my opinion
much better beers around.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Within a 15 walk of my office it's the best thing going.
Problem is that most London pubs are Fuller's so you don't get many guest beers.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

you wouldn't know what to do with yourself down here
the beer is excellent.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I know. Am off to Devon for the weekend and hope to get several different beers down my neck whilst there - I particularly want some Exmoor Gold

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

try some Otter Bright if you get the chance
it's good shit. All the Otter beers are nice in fact.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

I love Otter Bright
I will hopefully get some of whatever the current Cotleigh Brewery seasonal beer is - I know this is technically a Somerset brewery but they sell a lot in Devon.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Fair reason.
I am at the consumption point now where I will get a bollocking when I go home so might as well have a few more pints and have done with it.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Not drunk, but I once sent a "like like" text in ancient Greek
so I could tell him outright, but he'd have to ask for a translation thus reply and set a precident for texting back.

I'm awful.

I ruined my chances of sleeping with my ex again (for a while) by calling him when drunk.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Ahh, the drunken ex call
Never a good idea!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

is that cunt face FIFA ex?
in which case that's good because HE'S A CUNT FACE
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

THIS

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

THAT

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

THE OTHER.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

YOUR MOTHER

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

look you're in a headline
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-11435639
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Haha
So I am
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Not Cunt Face FIFA Ex
He's worse than that one.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

oh that's ok then.
*common sense slaps*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

My friend called him a whiny btich to hs face and CFFIFAEx punched him
so I texted him as soon as I heard this story calling him a whiny bitch. Hahaha.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

yes
but luckily only on here over the last couple of nights.

i never text guys i like anyway, which is ingrained enough to cover all forms of inebriation, but am queen of sending drunken "love you babe" messages to all my friends. at 5am.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I was wondering why you never texted me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

because you never gave me your number
you bastard
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Monty
Looking forward to your birthday tomorrow?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Not now Rachel's dumped me.
We were going to see 'Gremlins 2' at the Odeon.

£3.50 down the fucking drain.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

i'm worth a bit more than £3.50
£4.99 maybe
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Birthday conjugals?
off the menu then!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

i think
he is dining at a different restaurant in reality!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Not.....
a gentlemen only restaurant?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I don't text either
I email. Good thing I'm excellent at formulaic prose.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Was it a she or a he?
Did they just not reply at all or did they reply in the negative?

I once texted my ex-boss telling him I wanted to fuck him. I was very very pissed. Luckily he told me to shut up and go to sleep, if he'd actually come round I don't know what I would have done, I'm all mouth and no trousers so to speak.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

presumably
that was why you invited him, to bring the trousers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

haha I'm totally using that as a chat up line
come round to mine, bring the trousers.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

"can i bring anything?"
just your trousers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

with trigger fingers.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

blowjob at the least then

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I was too drunk.
I probably would have been asleep by the time he got there.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

blowjobs
should be the best, not the least!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

naa
I almost prefer going down on a girl and shagging to having blowjobs.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I definitely prefer going down on a girl to receiving a blowjob

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Same here

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Seriously?
Why?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Honestly?
Nothing strokes my ego more than giving a woman an orgasm.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

They're all secretly gay,
It's the only sensible answer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I enjoy it because it's clear she is
And as Lab puts it, her squirming under the lightest touch is a massive ego boost.

Plus it distracts them from the size of my cock
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

*high fives*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

*high fives back*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Are you two in mid spit-roast?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

It's why Kitty's responses are delayed
Just made myself a little queasy with that thought
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

quesy rigid
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

this has amused me no end

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

whaaaaaat

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

These people are insane.
Or lying.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

haha
trying to play the 'I don't really enjoy blow jobs' card to get laid
oldest trick in the book
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

It actually worked for me once, albeit I hadn't intended it to

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

'nah, just don't like it'
'they must not be doing it right, let me try'
'oh, alright'
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Oh, it was you?
Sorry about, y'know, being shit.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

pfft
I genuinely like going down on a guy
but it irritates me when they say "oh you do like giving head"
like it's a bad thing or something
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

it's much better if they are enjoying it
otherwise it is monotonous.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Agreed
If you don't like something, don't do it. If you do, go right ahead!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I enjoy both, but if I'm honest, I think a well-executed blowjob is a thing of exquisite beauty.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

^ this ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

it is
and I have had some mind-blowing ones (mostly in jacuzzis or saunas for the best ones)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Do you like the spasms of the throat as she drowns?
I'm aware you were sat on a ledge I think you've said this story before
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

:-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I've heard champagne is good to use

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Extra Strong Mints.
Edit - Plus you can kiss her after.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

haha
love that
I actually use jizz as an extra lube and keep going after they're done, last guy I did it with I just let it and the spit all fall from my mouth and onto his balls
he wasn't impressed
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

didn't find it did anything
bits of ice cube are good as long as they aren't sharp bits.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I've had some amazing ones
But also some truly terrible ones. Half-arsed, weak, or actually damaging ones.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I SAID I LOVE HAVIN' SEX BUT I'D RATHER GET SOME HEAD
I hate receiving oral sex. Genuinely hate it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Same.
Well, almost. I don't hate it, but it bores me and does fuck all.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Sorry didn't reply was having lunch with sexy women.
That's fine. There's a bus from Euston to mine, will have to be a quick turn around but it'll be fiiiine
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I DIDN'T GET
AN INVITE! Drink?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

YES YOU DID IT'S ON THE FUCKING CALENDAR
Oh, to the lunch date? It was just old school friends :P
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

No wait
You're talking about buses. What are you up to tonight?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

I'm not up to anything actually
Talking about buses is concerned with the DGBash. LAAK is staying over.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Excellent.
Ultramega can't wait!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Really?
Any particular reason why? Or do you just not like it?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Several reasons.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Fair enough
I know a girl who hates it because she thinks it's extremely unhygienic, which I do find a little understandable
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

not really a fan of it either

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

that would upset me
because I'm good at it. much better than I am at teh sex.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

well if I had a steady partner than I would probably let them have a go or whatever
but I don't, it feels extremely personal to me
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I can understand that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I understand
It's why I'm hesitant to receive.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

That's kind of it with me
That, and I don't think anything fcan ever top the saxophanist. oh my god that TONGUE
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

the best thing about a blow job is the peace and quiet

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

You utter pricktease

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

yup

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I hate girls like you, all the teasing and the leading on.
They never do it to me!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I'm going to fuck you so hard at the bash

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

See, now I know it's hollow

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

As is she

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

if you tap my stomach it makes a noise like a wood block

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Mine actually does this.
True story.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

that's because you NEED MOAR FOOD

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Echoing?
EDIT: Sorry, I thought you said log
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

No, that's her head.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

O_o

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I didn't even bat an eyelid
It's only prickteasing if there's even a hint that she'd go through with it, but I know she wouldn't, even if we both were single. She doesn't want to risk her position on the Smug Croissant any more than she already has.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I also don't want to take Lampito's title of the B3ta Bike away from her.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Yeah, THAT'S the only reason :P

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I find you physically vile

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I love your brutal honesty
But not your brutal face.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

whatevs lab whatevs

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I hope you don't die

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

You'd miss me if I did
I wouldn't leave you my car either
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Every STOBART lorry would whisper your name
"Fuckface", they would gently utter, as they drove by.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

shithead

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

oh this made me laugh and now I feel really bad!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

You should feel bad
But I did actually lol.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I don't like mohawks
but other than that, I would probably tap that ass.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

If I let you

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

ooh turned it around
well done.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Well, you're older than her
You can be B3ta's own Penny Farthing!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

a she
she hasn't responded at all
just wrote on facebook she's on cloud 9 today
but likely spent the night with her ex

just fucking shoot me please
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

maybe she knew you were drunk and wanted to spare your feelings.
lack of reciprocation does suck though. Everyone does the stupid drunken texting thing though, you'll get over the shame. If anyone asks, just claim not to remember.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

yeah, the embarrassment is managable at this stage
but I hate looking at my phone and seeing nothing

like, you don't respect me enough to even respond? even if it's to say lolol I like you too, buddy and play it off or whatever
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

people handle things different ways though.
I can never not reply to a text, but some people are really bad for not replying.

It's her loss anyway, she sucks you rule.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

too true
xxx
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

YOU HAVEN'T REPLIED TO MY TEXT!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

It's been a long time since I've sent one, so I'm not too sure
Due to having a touchscreen, I'm unable to text after a few pints.

I did once send a rather graphic text to my girlfriend of the time, telling her what I'd like to do to her, etc. Her name was Carrie, my sisters name is Cara. I even managed to text it to her house phone. Luckily she realised it wasn't meant for her rather quickly, and deleted it. I didn't realise until she told me a month later.

Alt Q: Nah, that'd mean you couldn't material to have a drunken wank to after a night out.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I'm so rubbish with being drunk and horny
I'll be all "Oh I am going to do so many dirty things to you when we get home" and then as soon as I get in I just pass out on the sofa with my coat still on, probably snoring a little bit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

hahahahaha

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I tend not to get told that sort of stuff until we actually get home
so many a time I have decided to continue an evening with spliffs at a mate's place after being out on the town, little releasing that my mrs is fizzing away.

outrageous
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

fizzing?
that's distasteful.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I agree
'Frothing' is far more accurate, surely?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Same with this ex
Once met her after she'd been out with mates, she was insisting she'd been horny all night, wanted me when we got in, she'd rock my world, etc etc.

2 minutes from her house she stops me for a kiss and a cuddle, and falls asleep on me, stood up. Not her greatest moment.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I wouldn't have thought it possible
but a friend of mine tells a story of falling asleep whilst he and his Mrs were actually doing the deed in the Mediterranean sea.
(Cave Duck, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

that's just dangerous
he could have drowned.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

+in her clunge

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I do that.
I get them back to mine, and then go: "No, I want to sleep now."
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I once told Wiggy he could wake me up early for middle of the night sex and I would be up for it
he believed me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

That's just cruel!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

In my defence
I full intended to at the time, but obviously at 3am I was well zonked.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Ahh, fair enough then
I've only ever once woken up in the night, and ended up having sex.

He was very gentle
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I bet he stroked your face and went "shhh....shhh...go back to sleep"

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Aye, just wish he hadn't pulled my hair so much
Nah, in reality the girlfriend woke me to go get her a drink, as she'd hurt her ankle. I came back upstairs and she was naked. It's all good
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

One of my brothers friends took a girl back to his
Both knew what would happen, as they got in he nipped to the bathroom to 'freshen up', per se. He got back to his room, and she'd fallen asleep. Gutted, he shifted her so she could sleep comfortably. About 10 minutes later, he's falling asleep, and she wakes up. Both still horny as hell, they go for it again, but they're so tired, they keep falling asleep.

Eventually they give up for the night, realising they've both lost their chance. Before she leaves in the morning, she puts her number in his phone, and invites him to text her when he's next free.

They've now been married 3 years.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

sometimes I wish those stories would end with
"she's now dead, having never known his touch"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

That sounds more like a Chompy story
Then again, they don't feel his touch due to the gloves
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Or
"Two weeks later, he found she'd given him AIDS"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I once gave my mums phone number to a girl instead of my own
My mum wasn't impressed with the filthy sex message she got later that week.
( Peej, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

n't
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I love sending drunk texts.
But none are particularly embarrassing the next day. I like to save my especially non-sensical and weird ones for my sister. Usually memes. I text her the other night and told her I could really huff a kitten right now. She was horrified until I explained what huffing meant the next day.

Although, when I called it off with Guy-I-Couln't-Get-Over, it got to the point where I had to instruct my friends that if when I was drunk they caught me trying to use my phone, they were to take it off me immediately.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

haha last time I was drunk texting the guy I couldn't get over I went with Amy Winehouse lyrics
"you know I'm trouble, I'm no good" of course he didn't get it

about a week later I got a text from him saying "Why can't you ever text or call and see HOW I'M DOING?!@!!"

twat
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I used to change guys' numbers in my phone to "DO NOT RING!"

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)